Pratique du Shadowing: All Parents Should See This | Michael McIntyre Stand Up Comedy - Apprendre l'anglais à l'oral avec la vidéo
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438 phrases
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1
And there are people in this room who do have children, and there are people in this room who don't have children.
2
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE And the people who don't have children, they think they know, don't they?
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They think they know what it means to have children.
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Sometimes they chat about it, don't they, in their little couples, you know?
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Oh, I'd love to start a family one day with you, it'd be lovely.
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You'd make a really good dad.
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I think you'd be an amazing mum.
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Wouldn't it be so lovely having little versions of you and me running around?
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I'd love to have a family and you think you know what you're talking about.
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You have no idea!
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You have no idea what it's like.
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You have no idea how difficult things will become in your life.
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Things that you don't even consider to be things will become nearly impossible when you have children.
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I'm talking about things like leaving the house, for example.
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This is how people without children leave the house.
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Shall we leave the house?
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Yes.
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LAUGHTER This is how I leave the house almost every day.
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Lucas!
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Oscar!
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Come downstairs!
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We're late!
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Why aren't you downstairs?
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Put your shoes on.
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I don't know where my shoes are!
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Put your shoes on.
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Go and find your shoes.
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Where did you see them last?
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On my feet.
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LAUGHTER After that, get your shoes on.
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Come here, come here.
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Arms up, arms up, arms in, arms in, arms up, arms up, arms in.
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That's my wife.
34
She's so tired, she can't dress herself.
35
What?
36
I'm doing rot on you, darling.
37
Where are we going?
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I want to go to bed.
39
Where are we going, darling?
40
Darling, you've got Lucas's shoes on your hands.
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I found your shoes, darling.
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You put your shoes on.
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Where's Aussie?
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Come downstairs!
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We're late!
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Put your coat on.
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I don't want to wear my coat.
48
You know people without children, you know how you do zips-up?
49
I've seen how much time you have in your lives.
50
How you focus on it.
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Forget the one with the fabric.
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You just pop it in, don't you?
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It nestles in.
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Then you pause, thinking about your free life and what you might need to do later that day.
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And then you just glide up, don't you?
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To think I have time for that shit in my life.
57
Every single morning.
58
Yeah!
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Oh, I've ruined it!
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I've ruined it!
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Stay still!
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You're going to have to put another coat on.
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I've ruined this here.
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I've ruined this here.
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I'm sorry, I've made the situation where...
66
My three-year-old will never come downstairs.
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The only way to get him to leave the house is we have to bluff.
68
We have to pretend that we're leaving without him.
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It's the only way it'll work.
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We have to all go, Bye-bye, Ozzy.
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We're all going then.
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My other son loves it, the six-year-old.
73
We're leaving Ozzy.
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He's going to stay here.
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Don't be so rude about your brother.
76
Say goodbye.
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We're not really leaving.
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We're pretending to leave.
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Say goodbye.
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Bye-bye.
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Bye-bye, Ozzy.
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Bye-bye.
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But he doesn't care.
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He just goes, Bye-bye.
85
Then we have to come back in and explain to him, we're not really leaving, darling, we love you, it's okay.
86
I'll buy you something if you come.
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Will you come if I buy you something?
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This is every single time we leave the house.
89
The other day we're leaving the house and I just had an offer.
90
I just said to my wife, I'm sorry, I can't do this.
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We're bluffing, we're saying bye-bye to him.
92
Then my wife says, let's go and get him.
93
I'm like, stop, no, I've had it.
94
No, stop.
95
I cannot go through this every single time we leave the house.
96
It's driving me insane.
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Okay, I say we call his bluff.
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I think he has to learn a lesson.
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Okay?
100
Let's go.
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Let's just go.
102
Let's go to Corfu.
103
Let's have a nice holiday.
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You have no idea what it's like.
105
You childless people.
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You have no idea.
107
Driving.
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You go driving.
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You're driving cars, don't you?
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Driving along.
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Yay!
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What's the biggest drama you have to put up with?
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Oh, it's a bit chilly.
114
Oh, put the blower on.
115
Oh, that's nice now.
116
Oh, look, they've opened a new Carluccio.
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We should go there.
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We could go there any night.
119
We could go there any night.
120
Oh, what's this song?
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I love this one.
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Freedom!
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Freedom!
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I strap my children into the car.
125
I work out what'll cut off the blood supply, then I ease it a bit.
126
Stay there!
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We try and behave normally.
128
Oh, what's this song?
129
It's the wheels on the bus.
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Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
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Again, again!
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Look, there's a new Carluccio there.
133
We will never go there.
134
I was checking my children in the rearview mirror to see that they're safe.
135
We're on the motorway, okay?
136
You just angle it to check that they're both okay, because, you know, you're looking after them.
137
Neither of them were there.
138
They had both wound the windows down and had their heads on the motorway out of the window.
139
Yay!
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Both of them, either side.
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Yay!
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My boyfriend just lost it.
143
Get in the car!
144
They can't hear us.
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They're having the times of their lives.
146
Yeah!
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I can't hear you!
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What are you saying, Daddy?
149
On the motorway, going 80 miles an hour, I had to stick my head out of my window to try and communicate with my child.
150
Get in the car!
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What are you saying?
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My wife's doing it too.
153
Get in the car!
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What is it, Mummy?
155
But all four of us had our heads out of the window.
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Meanwhile, a childless couple is driving past.
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Aw, look at the kids, I'd love to start a family one day.
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You have no idea what you're talking about!
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Sleeping...
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..sleeping at night!
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This is how people without children, yeah, most nights, yeah.
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Good night, darling, good night.
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Sometimes you go, sleep well, and the other one goes, I will.
164
That's how cocky, how arrogant you are.
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I will, I know I will.
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Good night, darling, have a good sleep.
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Good night.
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It's been a long time since my wife and I said good night to each other, OK?
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Now we just go, good luck.
170
All through the night, they're screaming, Daddy, darling, that robbie, robbie!
171
Sometimes they just wake up wide awake in the middle of the night.
172
I'm asleep, it's like 2 o'clock in the morning.
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You know, sometimes you don't realise it, but you sort of half open your eyes.
174
Sometimes you're in your sleep, I half open my eyes.
175
My son is in my face.
176
No, no, no!
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What the hell are you doing here?
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What time is it?
179
What time is it?
180
2 o'clock in the morning, what do you want?
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I want to go to school.
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Go to school?
183
What are you talking about?
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It's to go back to bed.
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I've got my shoes on.
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You do, you found your shoes.
187
I fixed my jacket.
188
How the hell did you...
189
What are you doing?
190
It's 2 o'clock in the morning, you idiot!
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Go to bed!
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Where's Ozzy?
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He's by the front door.
194
He's never been there in his life!
195
It's 2 in the morning!
196
I have no idea.
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I have children, I have two children, and night-night is simply not part of the putting to bed routine.
198
Alright?
199
I'm nowhere near night-night when I put my children to bed.
200
This is an unrealistic interpretation of bedtime with children.
201
I start angry.
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I don't build to anger anymore.
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I used to build.
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Now I start with five minutes over in bed.
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Don't you mess with me tonight.
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Five minutes.
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I'll be back here in five minutes on the dot.
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Then you're going to bed.
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That's just getting them into bed.
210
Then it just carries on.
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Go to sleep.
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Don't you mess with...
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Go to...close your...you have to remind them how it works.
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Close your eyes.. and go to sleep.
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I have no idea how exhausted I am and your mother is because of this.
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Go to sleep.
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You selfish...selfish little shit.
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Close your eyes and go to sleep!
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Enough is enough!
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Do you know that your mother and I haven't had sex in weeks because of this?
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Do you know that sometimes she says to me in the afternoon, oh, maybe tonight, Michael, you'll get lucky when the kids are asleep.
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You're never asleep!
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Go to sleep!
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Night-night.
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That's pretty much how it goes.
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Don't get me wrong, night-night is part of it.
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It's just when they're already asleep.
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You never love your children more than when they're unconscious but still breathing.
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It's a lovely moment.
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Look at my little man.
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Oh, night-night, darling.
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Daddy's little soldier.
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Oh, Daddy loves you.
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Darling, look what we did.
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Oh, look what we made.
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Oh, isn't he lovely?
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Night-night.
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I'm still awake, come on, I'll sleep!
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This is how you raise children.
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It's basically...
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If you have children, you'll know this.
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If you have been a child, I'm sure you can remember.
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It's threats.
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Threats of death is the only way you can get children to do things.
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Put your coat on.
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I don't want to put my coat on.
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If you don't put your coat on, you'll get pneumonia and die.
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Sorry, Daddy.
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Hold Daddy's hand.
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I don't want to hold your hand.
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If you don't hold my hand, a car will hit you and you will die.
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Brush your teeth.
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I don't want to brush my teeth.
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If you don't brush your teeth, they'll rot and fall out.
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You won't be able to eat and you will die.
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Go to bed.
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I don't want to go to bed.
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If you don't go to bed, I will personally kill you.
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I've got a plan and an alibi.
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APPLAUSE Family people in tonight, who's got children?
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Round of applause, you've got children?
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CHEERING There are basics that you have to do every single day when raising children, and these are feeding them.
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You have to feed them.
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This is probably news to nobody.
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You have to feed them.
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You have to dress them.
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You have to wash them, and you have to put them to bed.
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You have to do these four things every single day.
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Now, every single day, each one of these things is a battle.
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They are reluctant to do these things, and you are forced every day to compromise on each of them.
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I don't know why they resist these basic things.
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Every day is a battle.
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Just getting dressed.
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They will not get dressed.
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Put your clothes on.
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Put your pants on.
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They refuse to wear pants.
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I don't like pants.
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They're uncomfortable.
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I don't like pants.
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Put your jumper on.
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I'm boiling.
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I'm boiling.
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They're always boiling.
285
I'm boiling!
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Yes, that's because I've heated the inside of the house, but what I haven't done is heated the rest of the world!
287
So you will need it when you get outside.
288
Can I just take it?
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So you just compromise, all right.
290
Fine!
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Just take it.
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Do your laces.
293
Can I do it in the car?
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Fine!
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In the car!
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Where's your bag?
297
Where's your other shoe?
298
And they spring things on you at the last minute.
299
The other day we're going to school, we're nearly out the door.
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My son's not quite well, actually.
301
He's got his pants on, he's even got his jumper on, he's holding his coat, he's got his bag.
302
We're nearly out the door, he just looks at me and goes, Dad, it's Roman Day.
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LAUGHTER What's Roman Day?
304
Everybody has to go to school today dressed as something from the Roman Empire.
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LAUGHTER I suppose it's all in six minutes.
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What exactly did you expect me to do at this point?
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Oh, yes, when I was nine, I was a centurion.
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I think I still have my armour here in the cupboard.
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LAUGHTER Let's not drive this morning.
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I've been hiding a horse and chariot in the garage.
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will arrive in style.
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Feeding.
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They will eat.
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Children will eat.
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They will eat rubbish.
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They'll eat garbage, OK?
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They'll eat chocolate and sweets and ice cream till they're sick.
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What they won't eat is things that are good for them.
319
Every day we try to get them to eat vegetables, fruit, things that are good for them.
320
We aim very high, my wife and I, every single meal time.
321
All right, tonight, there will be no ice cream, children, unless you have all your peas, all your broccoli and all your carrots.
322
But dad, please, it's disgusting.
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Please don't make me eat that, please, it's just disgusting.
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Please, dad, you can't force us.
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You can't force us.
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It's disgusting.
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All right?
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Fine!
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I just want you to eat one carrot, five peas, and this floret of broccoli.
330
But dad, it's disgusting.
331
Please don't make me eat that, please.
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You can't force me.
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I hate it.
334
I hate it!
335
I'm fine!
336
Just stick out your tongue and let me wipe the broccoli across your face.
337
And then can I have ice cream?
338
Yes!
339
Washing every day, run the bath, get in the bath, have you washed...
340
Have you brushed your teeth?
341
They lie to you.
342
They lie to my face every single day.
343
Have you brushed your teeth?
344
Yes.
345
OK, then breathe on me.
346
I have to get this jet of disgusting...
347
You haven't brushed your teeth, have you?
348
No, I haven't, Daddy.
349
I haven't done it anymore.
350
Why didn't you say that?!
351
The laziness.
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Oh, and flush the...
353
You know...
354
Before I had children, I used to dream about what it was like.
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My wife and I would discuss it.
356
I can't wait to have children.
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It's going to be amazing.
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You'll be such an amazing mum.
359
I used to dream of idyllic, rosy-cheeked, beautiful children in dungarees, running in fields, picking flowers.
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Can we have our picnic now?
361
Can we have our picnic?
362
How did that fantasy become me, almost on a nightly basis, standing over the toilet, going, whose poo is this?
363
Lucas, is that your poo?
364
He puts on this whole facade, he actually comes over and looks in the...
365
No, that's not my poo.
366
So, Ozzy, it's your poo.
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Dad, that is definitely not my poop.
368
Darling, don't you even!
369
Hair wash night.
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I don't know how much you're supposed to wash your children's hair, but I've got it down to about once a fortnight now because of the drama.
371
Hair wash night!
372
No, Daddy, please!
373
Can we do it tomorrow?
374
Daddy, no, we'll do it tomorrow!
375
We'll do it tomorrow!
376
It's going to go on!
377
It's going to be a little worse!
378
Put your head back.
379
You have to hold the flannel.
380
They shake it a bit.
381
It's in your eyes!
382
It's in your eyes!
383
It's in your eyes!
384
It's in your eyes!
385
God forbid the shampoo actually goes a little bit in their eyes.
386
AHHHHH!
387
AHHHHH!
388
I'm in a towel!
389
I'm in a towel!
390
Oww!
391
Oww!
392
Oww!
393
Oww!
394
Why would you do that to me?
395
For God's sake, I'm just trying to wash your hair.
396
Bedtime, oh, bedtime, it's bedtime, go to bed.
397
Can I have a story?
398
Can I have a story?
399
The last thing you want to do at the end of a day of battles is read a nonsense, stupid story.
400
I don't know if you do this, but I will scan the bookshelf for the shortest book that we own.
401
My son's always like, can we read The Hobbit?
402
No!
403
I thought we could read this leaflet that came through the dog.
404
It's for a local pizzeria.
405
You see there's a deal on.
406
Now, good night.
407
Daddy loves it.
408
This is what it is like.
409
It is a battle.
410
It is a daily battle every single day to do the basics.
411
There isn't a child on Earth who has ever not battled these things.
412
There's no kid in the history of children who's ever just gone, Mum, Dad, listen, I'm exhausted tonight.
413
I'm just gonna head up to bed, I think.
414
I managed to squeeze a shower in earlier, Mum, while you were cooking that amazing dinner.
415
I don't know what you did with the broccoli.
416
Was it something different?
417
Because to me, it could have been a meal all unto itself.
418
It might be different.
419
I didn't tell you guys it was Roman Day tomorrow, because I wanted to surprise you with the outfit that I've made.
420
You're gonna love it.
421
I'll see you by the door at about 5 to 8 in my shoes and pants, and I'm gonna wear my coat, because you never know.
422
I mean, it is quite chilly out.
423
Oh, and...
424
Minty for Ash.
425
Well, that's never going to happen.
426
It's because I'm getting older, you see.
427
My wife and I were the same age.
428
Little things have started changing.
429
For years, everything was the same, everything was the same, but now we can feel it creeping in.
430
It's not exactly old age, but little differences.
431
For example, we can't stay up at night.
432
We pass out.
433
Every single...
434
About 9.30 is a late one for us.
435
We get so tired.
436
You know when you click on the Netflix thing and it goes, Boom!
437
That's the sound of my wife and I's head hitting the pillow and passing over.
438
I can't get any on it!
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Vocabulaire et conseils d’expression pour cette leçon
Cette leçon d’expression orale de niveau B1 s’appuie sur la vidéo « All Parents Should See This ». Cette vidéo contient 438 phrases et 2960 mots à répéter en shadowing. La partie parlée dure 17:08. Le locuteur parle à un rythme naturel d’environ 173 mots par minute, proche d’une conversation courante. 84 % des mots font partie des 3 000 mots les plus courants en anglais ; le reste mérite d’être vu avant de commencer.
Vocabulaire clé de cette vidéo
Les 15 mots les plus avancés de la vidéo, avec leur prononciation et leur sens :
| Mot | Prononciation | Sens |
|---|---|---|
| shoe nom | /ˈʃu/ | chaussure, soulier |
| darling nom | /ˈdɑɹlɪŋ/ | chéri, chérie |
| brush nom | /bɹʌʃ/ | brosse |
| laughter nom | /ˈlæftɚ/ | rire |
| disgusting adjectif | /dɪsˈɡʌstɪŋ/ | dégoûtant, dégueulasse |
| broccoli nom | /ˈbɹɑ.kə.li/ | brocoli |
| bedtime nom | /ˈbɛdtaɪm/ | heure du coucher, dodo |
| downstairs adverbe | /daʊnˈstɛɹz/ | au-dessous, en bas |
| boil verbe | /bɔɪ(ə)l/ | faire bouillir, porter à ébullition |
| applause nom | /əˈplɔːz/ | applaudissement, acclamation |
| ruin nom | /ˈɹuː.ɪn/ | ruine |
| motorway nom | /ˈməʊtəweɪ/ | autoroute |
| childless adjectif | sans enfants | |
| pea nom | /piː/ | pois |
| carrot nom | /ˈkæɹət/ | carotte |
Les verbes à particule que vous entendrez
| Mot | Prononciation | Sens |
|---|---|---|
| come over verbe | venir | |
| cut off verbe | /ˌkʌt ˈɔf/ [ˌkɐɾ ˈɔf] | tailler, couper |
| fall out verbe | brouiller avec | |
| go through verbe | traverser | |
| pass out verbe | distribuer | |
| run around verbe | courir partout | |
| stick out verbe | dépasser, saillir | |
| wake up verbe | /ˌweɪk ˈʌp/ | se réveiller |
Des phrases à répéter
Des phrases courtes et complètes de la vidéo, à réutiliser dans la conversation de tous les jours :
- You just pop it in, don't you?
- You're driving cars, don't you?
- Round of applause, you've got children?
- You haven't brushed your teeth, have you?
- Why didn't you say that?!
La grammaire de cette vidéo
Les structures que le locuteur utilise le plus, avec les mots exacts de la vidéo :
| Structure | Dans la vidéo |
|---|---|
| Phrases conditionnelles if + proposition, will/would + verbe — une condition et son résultat | If you have children, you'll know · If you don't brush your teeth, they'll rot |
| « Used to » used to + verbe — une habitude ou un état passé qui n’est plus vrai | used to build · used to dream |
| Present perfect have/has + participe passé — une action passée qui compte encore maintenant | I've seen · I've ruined · I've made |
| Voix passive be + participe passé — l’accent est mis sur ce qui arrive, pas sur qui le fait | are forced · is heated · is read |
Prononciation à surveiller
Le locuteur utilise 151 contractions et formes réduites, comme don't, I'm, we're. Prononcez-les sous leur forme courte, telles que vous les entendez.
- Les sons « sh » et « zh »: shoe /ˈʃu/, brush /bɹʌʃ/, selfish /ˈsɛlf.ɪʃ/, bookshelf /ˈbʊkˌʃɛlf/, shampoo /ʃæmˈpuː/
- Mots longs — placez bien l’accent: centurion /sɛnˈtjʊɹ.i.ən/, pizzeria /ˌpiːt.səˈɹiː.ə/, uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/, communicate /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/, interpretation /ɪnˌtɜːpɹəˈteɪʃən/
Les sons difficiles pour les francophones :
- /tʃ/ et /dʒ/ — à ne pas adoucir en « ch » et « j »: cheer /t͡ʃɪɹ/, jumper /ˈd͡ʒʌmpɚ/, chili /ˈt͡ʃɪli/, chariot /ˈt͡ʃæɹi.ət/, vegetable /ˈvɛd͡ʒ.tə.bəl/
- /r/ anglais — langue recourbée, sans frotter la gorge: darling /ˈdɑɹlɪŋ/, brush /bɹʌʃ/, broccoli /ˈbɹɑ.kə.li/, downstairs /daʊnˈstɛɹz/, ruin /ˈɹuː.ɪn/
- /ŋ/ final — sans prononcer de /g/ après: darling /ˈdɑɹlɪŋ/, disgusting /dɪsˈɡʌstɪŋ/
Comment s’entraîner avec cette vidéo
- Écoutez la vidéo en entier une fois sans parler et notez les mots que vous ne connaissez pas.
- Commencez à la vitesse 0,75×, répétez phrase par phrase, puis revenez à la vitesse normale quand cela devient facile.
- Enregistrez-vous et comparez avec l’original, en faisant attention à des mots comme shoe, darling, brush.
Qu'est-ce que la technique du Shadowing ?
Le Shadowing est une technique d'apprentissage des langues fondée sur la science, développée à l'origine pour la formation des interprètes professionnels. Le principe est simple mais puissant : vous écoutez de l'anglais natif et le répétez immédiatement à voix haute — comme une ombre suivant le locuteur avec un décalage de 1 à 2 secondes. Les recherches montrent une amélioration significative de la précision de la prononciation, de l'intonation, du rythme, des liaisons, de la compréhension orale et de la fluidité.