Pratique du Shadowing: You’re Losing Respect Every Time You Say This - Apprendre l'anglais à l'oral avec la vidéo
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All right, let's get into it.
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The top three mistakes that I see communicators make One, they use absolutes, the always and the nevers.
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Two, they over-explain their words.
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And three, they find a way to not take control of the first seven seconds of the conversation.
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Without those seven seconds, everything else does not fall into place.
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This is the Jefferson Fisher Podcast.
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You know what it is if you're listening.
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And this is good content for you.
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If you would, just please press the subscribe button.
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It means a lot to me, my family, and tells wherever you're listening that this is good content.
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I want to get right into it.
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So number one, if you don't want to make this mistake, it's very simple, but it's also very hard.
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Absolutes.
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You know what it's like when you're in conversation with people or let's better yet in an argument with somebody, probably somebody you're very close with.
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I might be married to, might be in a relationship with, and they use this word right here.
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Always.
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Usually there's something that comes right before it, and it's the word you.
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You say you always.
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You never.
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They're generally not positive statements.
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If I had to guess, the only time you hear those is in some kind of negative conversation, meaning the other person's using these words with a downward,
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mad, angry, frustrated, disappointed expression on their face.
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You never listen to me.
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You always say this.
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You never care.
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And it should just send sirens off in your brain.
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That is one of the number one mistakes that I see communicators make if they're trying to actually have productive, efficient, successful communication.
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Is a use the absolutes, the extremes.
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When in reality, we both know that's not true.
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And really, the other person knows it's not true.
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They know it too.
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It just feels better to say it.
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It feels better to use the absolutes.
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Let's play it out for a second.
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Let's say you and I are in a conversation and I'm in an argument with you and I say, it is just like you always say this.
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Every time you come in, you always say, you never do anything that I ask.
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You never pick up around here.
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You never do this.
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You never, you always want to be the first to do.
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Those words, those absolutes, they create a lot of friction in the conversation because the conversation is no longer about the issue.
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It is now about the accuracy.
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It's no longer about the thing you were first originally talking about, what's beneath it all.
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Instead, it's now about the accuracy of somebody's statement.
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That's what happens to your brain when the other person's side.
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When you use the absolutes, what happens to the other person is they start to go, that's not accurate.
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That's not accurate.
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I don't always do that.
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I don't never do this.
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And they start to try and pick and poke and look at the accuracy.
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Okay, well, let's look at the timeline.
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When's the last time that I said that?
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Or when's the last time I did that?
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And it becomes a timeline game.
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It becomes who's more accurate,
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whose memory is better, who is the kind of the referee of the argument.
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And accuracy calls when somebody blows the whistle on accuracy and say, that's not accurate.
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I don't always do that.
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I don't never do that.
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It's now a second argument.
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So if you have straight line of A to B
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and you and I are talking and I just used the word never, you never, you know, what happens?
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We split, right?
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It's the multiverse.
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We have two different timelines happening because now that second one only cares about accuracy,
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meaning you're having an argument about whether you always or never did the thing.
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And so when I say accuracy, it's about, are they saying something that is correct?
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And as soon as the other person goes, no, actually, I don't always do that.
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It stinks because you're like, I don't want to talk about this.
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I want to talk about the issue itself.
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And that's where you get caught up.
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So what's, Jefferson, what's the point here?
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The point here is that you don't use them.
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And I know that sounds easier said than done, but it happens all the time.
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It happens in my relationships.
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It happens in my family's relationships and my friend's relationships.
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It happens among all of us.
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What I'm saying is, it will happen.
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The key here is quick to fix it.
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So what are some ways we can do that instead? that way, if you catch yourself using that.
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One is if you catch yourself saying always and never, be the bigger person and grab it back.
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If you say always, catch it and go, actually, not always, a lot of the time, some of the time, most of the time, right?
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Catch it.
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So, I mean, if you say it out loud of, listen, you never stop yourself and you hear it and go, actually, it's not never.
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it's a lot.
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It feels like a lot to me.
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If you can catch it and grab it, that's an easy win.
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You now don't have to have that second multiverse argument about accuracy.
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Number two, a quick way is to say, when you, I feel.
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It's a framework that works in a lot of different circumstances.
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You've heard me on this podcast talk about it.
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It's a framework that works a lot of the time.
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It's when you, I feel saying, when you do this, I feel that.
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When you X, I feel Y.
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When you speak to me in that tone, I feel like you're disappointed in me and I'm doing something wrong.
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When you leave the food on the counter, I feel like you're asking me to
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take care of it and you're being passive aggressive
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or whatever it is when you i feel it's a very easy way of putting
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that in there because at the end of the day these always
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and never statements they're really just a self-expression of what's going on inside you right of what's happening inside
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because in your body it feels like it's always
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or it's never in these absolutes
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and it's way clear for your body to go i feel it right now
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so this is what it must be all of the time And so when my body says never, it feels like never.
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So what's another way?
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A third way we can take care of this is think of it as a headline.
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Think of it as a headline, meaning I'm going to say up front, I'm going to say up front, I'm going to tell you something.
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It's not always.
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I feel like it's a lot of the time.
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And then give the statement.
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You see, I kind of use the headline to give you a preview of what I'm about to say.
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And let me try it again.
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We could do a different way.
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I want to tell you something that's important to me.
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And I'm not saying that it's never, but I am saying that I feel like sometimes it's hardly at all.
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Then give what you need to say.
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So it's like combining the when you, I feel, with a catchback is saying, I'm going to go ahead and tell you right now,
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I'm going to use the word never, but I know it's not.
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I know it's not never.
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I'm just telling you it feels like it is.
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Right.
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Can can you relate to me on that aspect of that?
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Can am I are you safe enough for me to say it feels like it's never even though I know
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that it's not?
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My brain tells me.
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My body tells me my emotions tell me that this is always happening.
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But my brain knows objectively it's not always happening.
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Before we keep going, this episode is sponsored by Cozy Earth and also in many ways my mom.
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And now let's get back to the episode.
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All right.
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I think we've covered all the absolutes.
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There's a range, right?
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From always to most of the time to some of the time to often to never.
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it is something that easily slips up a communicator because, right, they no longer hear about the issue
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and now it becomes about accuracy and a recollection of events and people have to get out their logbook and go, remember, I did this this time and it does not serve you.
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All right, so don't be doing the absolutes.
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Number two, over explaining.
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You and I have talked about this many times.
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And I will say it again.
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I like to use the three sentence rule, meaning if I can't say it in three sentences, I'm going to try to find a different way to work that.
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Now you might go Jefferson, this whole episode's longer than the three sentences.
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What are you doing?
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Yeah, I know.
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There's some context that happens in this.
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If I need to write an email or a text, or I'm trying to say something assertively, I'm going to try to apply that framework.
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It does not apply to casual conversations with friends
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or to a podcast or to certain things that aren't going to require that level of professionalism or,
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you know, a little different threshold of a conversation that you need to have.
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And again, it's just a guide that's going to keep you from over explaining because what happens?
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The more words you use, the less people are going to likely do what you want them to do.
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the more words you have to use to say no, the more it kind of sounds like you're wanting them to push you to a yes, especially with boundaries.
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The more you try to explain your boundary, the other person starts to hear it not as a no, but as a negotiation for them to go,
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oh, well, if I took this off your plate and took this off your plate, would you be willing to do it then?
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And see, it feels weird because now they've kind of changed the paradigm
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and now you feel like you got caught in some way.
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You kind of have to acquiesce, right?
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Because you took too long, used too many sentences, gave too much context to explain what you need to say.
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What I tell every one of my clients when I prepare them for deposition is that answer the question only.
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And if they have more questions, it is on them to ask.
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it's a muscle, all right?
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It's a learned skill.
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So don't think that all of a sudden you have to be in deposition, cross-examination mode anytime anybody talks to you.
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That's not my point.
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What I'm saying is when it comes to communicating boundaries in particular, or really anything, the more words that you use,
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usually the weaker the point becomes because it's confusing.
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People get lost.
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People grab onto one sentence and start to use their message.
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Let's say use an absolute for goodness sake.
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I mean, that would be terrible.
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They all of a sudden in the middle of your monologue, somebody grabs onto an always, and that's all they think about.
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That's all they hear about.
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Or I mean, how many times have you been in a conversation with somebody and all of a sudden you're thinking, man, I wonder what, like what's for lunch today.
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And you just have thoughts, distracted thoughts that are normal and are going to happen.
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And it's, there's a natural part of this.
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So how do you eliminate that as a communicator?
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Cut down on the excessive words, the excessive words.
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I know people that they're just looking for a captive audience, really.
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And sometimes I give them one because I might be the only person they've seen and
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I got to talk to in a few days.
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And so they just need to kind of get it all out.
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And that's okay too.
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But for the most part, when it comes to effectively communicating, the more words you use,
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the harder it is to communicate a clear and certainly a consistent message.
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Number three, this is the one I want to give you the most on.
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It's about controlling the first seven seconds.
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And this is not some scientific study.
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So I don't think I have some lab where we've ran all these tests.
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It's not.
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It's just the school of Jefferson, just of my experience saying, hey, in about seven seconds,
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I can tell, you can tell where the conversation is going long before it gets there.
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In the first seven seconds, nobody's really listening to your words.
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They're listening for what you do, meaning your signals.
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Are you somebody who sounds upset?
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I'm not listening to your words.
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I'm listening to the tone of it.
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I'm listening to the music of it.
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it happens a lot related to music and music.
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We do the same thing.
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It is usually the first three seconds of just the music
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or five seconds or seven seconds of the music that grabs our attention that goes, okay, I want to listen to this.
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This is something that resonates with me long before the lyrics show up.
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It's kind of the same way, right?
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If I'm approaching you as somebody who's very kind of, I'm looking like I'm negative.
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I'm looking like I'm intense.
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I'm looking like maybe I'm really passive or maybe I'm really shy.
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You're reading all of that in seconds, right?
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If you can hear the tone of my voice, do I sound serious or not?
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Do I sound playful or not?
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Do I sound happy or not?
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I'm listening for all the signals long before the words ever come out.
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I know when Sierra walks into a room, if she's in a good mood or not.
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Right.
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And she knows the same for me.
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I know with my kids, they walk in, I can know immediately if something is wrong.
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You might know that.
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I know that with my siblings, right?
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I know that with my parents, people that are closest with me, I can tell when something is off and they don't have to say anything.
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And now let's keep going.
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One of the biggest mistakes that I see
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that communicators make is not taking the first seven seconds of a conversation seriously because in those first seven seconds, usually less.
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That could be two seconds.
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Nobody's listening to the words.
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They're listening to you.
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They're listening to your mood.
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They're listening to your tone.
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They're listening to your facial expressions.
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They're listening to how your posture is when you walk into the door.
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They're listening to all those things long before the words ever come out of your mouth.
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So if you want to be an excellent communicator, it is making sure that you treat those first seven seconds
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like they are liquid gold because if something falls apart and it's oftentimes that it does, you get the chance to say, I need to say that differently.
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I want to redo.
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I need to reset this conversation.
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If you feel that it starts to go off the rail immediately, I need to say that differently and restart those seven seconds.
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All right.
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Because if you're not in the right mindset, if you're not in the right, yeah, I don't think another word for it.
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If you're not in the right mindset, neither will they, because conversations generally don't go south in the middle.
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So if we have a beginning and an end, conversations typically don't start to lose control in the middle.
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It's at the very beginning, meaning at the very beginning, it's set it up to have a hard conversation.
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If I'm in an argument, let's say, and let's say it's me who gets frustrated.
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I'm going to get frustrated really quickly, right out of the gate.
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And you know what?
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That's going to color the whole rest of the conversation for me.
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And I'm going to have to be doing the mental work to try and dig myself out of that, you know, that mindset.
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Same for somebody else.
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If they're trying to deliver something to you and you're not being receptive of it, the good communicators say, I can tell that this is not going where we need it to go.
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I'm going to restart it.
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Or let's push it for another time.
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So to me, the first seven seconds of the conversation is sort of like the tail wagging the dog.
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I know if those first seven seconds aren't going well,
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it is rare that the rest of the conversation will somehow turn by itself naturally and improve.
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What I typically like to do, and what I'm going to encourage you to do, is reset it.
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So how do you do that?
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If you find that the first seven seconds are not going well, the good communicators will reset it.
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They'll say phrases like, I need to redo.
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I need to restart this.
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It's not asking.
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You could ask if you wanted.
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Hey, can I have a, can I try that again?
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Somebody's going to say, yeah, of course.
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They don't ever say no. But yeah, of course.
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Or what I like to do is say, can I say that differently?
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I need to say that.
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I need to say this differently.
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And I restart it because most likely if I'm asking that, the other person's lost.
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They're like, yeah, please restart it differently.
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Cause I didn't, I didn't prepare.
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I didn't do the mental gymnastics of making sure that I'm in the right mindset before we go into this conversation, because that's, that's normal.
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And what happens three quick, easy tools to improve your communication.
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Number one, we talked about absolutes, the always and the nevers
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and how those quickly tank the conversation to start talking about accuracy rather than the true heart of the issue.
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Two, we talked about the excessive words, how whether you like it or not, the more words you start to use, the weaker your message becomes.
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And the more the other person hears, it's an invitation for them to try and problem solve what you said
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and fix it rather than actually stick to your boundary.
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And number three, we talked about the value of the first seven seconds of a conversation because nobody's listening to the words, not near as much as how they're listening to you.
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and if you're actually ready for it.
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So how you show up in conversation, how you show that you're controlled, how you slow down your words, how you make sure you have the right tone,
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how you make sure you're approaching the conversation is something that you can actually lean into
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rather than pushing them and making sure that you're in some kind of defensive posture.
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That's not going to be anywhere that's going to want to get you to where you're wanting to go in the conversation.
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So how can you make sure that you preserve,
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treasure value prioritize the first seven seconds that's going to make sure
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that you become a better communicator so let's avoid those three mistakes
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and i think my voice is actually starting to go out
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so this is perfect timing as always you can try that and follow me
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Vocabulaire et conseils d’expression pour cette leçon
Cette leçon d’expression orale de niveau B2 s’appuie sur la vidéo « You’re Losing Respect Every Time You Say This ». Les mots qui reviennent le plus souvent : conversation, word, listening. Cette vidéo contient 359 phrases et 4193 mots à répéter en shadowing. La partie parlée dure 23:01. Le locuteur parle vite, environ 182 mots par minute : attendez-vous à des liaisons et à des sons réduits. 86 % des mots font partie des 3 000 mots les plus courants en anglais ; le reste mérite d’être vu avant de commencer.
Vocabulaire clé de cette vidéo
Les 15 mots les plus avancés de la vidéo, avec leur prononciation et leur sens :
| Mot | Prononciation | Sens |
|---|---|---|
| communicator nom | /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪtə/ | communicateur, communicatrice |
| cosy adjectif | /ˈkoʊzi/ | douillet, douillette |
| restart verbe | /ˈɹiːˌstɑɹt/ | recommencer |
| mindset nom | /ˈmaɪn(d)ˌsɛt/ | état d'esprit, disposition d'esprit |
| boundary nom | /ˈbaʊndɹi/ | frontière, limite |
| podcast nom | /ˈpɑdˌkæst/ | podcast, balado |
| frustrate verbe | /ˈfɹʌsˌtɹeɪt/ | frustrer |
| pajamas nom | /pəˈd͡ʒɑ.məz/ | pyjama |
| reset verbe | /ɹiːˈsɛt/ | remettre à zéro, réinitialiser |
| headline nom | /ˈhɛd.laɪn/ | titre, manchette |
| excessive adjectif | /ɪkˈsɛsɪv/ | excessif |
| timeline nom | /ˈtaɪmˌlaɪn/ | frise chronologique, ligne du temps |
| multiverse nom | /ˈmʌltəˌvɝs/ | multivers |
| redo verbe | /ɹiˈduː/ | refaire |
| deposition nom | /ˌdɛp.əˈzɪʃ.ən/ | destitution |
Les verbes à particule que vous entendrez
| Mot | Prononciation | Sens |
|---|---|---|
| get up to verbe | commettre | |
| come out verbe | /ˌkʌm ˈaʊt/ | sortir |
| come up verbe | se montrer, sortir du bois | |
| fall apart verbe | tomber en morceaux | |
| get out verbe | sortir | |
| go ahead verbe | /ˌɡoʊ əˈhɛd/ | vas-y, allez-y |
| go off verbe | exploser | |
| go out verbe | sortir |
Des phrases à répéter
Des phrases courtes et complètes de la vidéo, à réutiliser dans la conversation de tous les jours :
- When's the last time that I said that?
- You know what I mean?
- Are you somebody who sounds upset?
- Do I sound playful or not?
- Do I sound happy or not?
La grammaire de cette vidéo
Les structures que le locuteur utilise le plus, avec les mots exacts de la vidéo :
| Structure | Dans la vidéo |
|---|---|
| Present perfect have/has + participe passé — une action passée qui compte encore maintenant | You've heard · mom's never been · she's just been |
| Voix passive be + participe passé — l’accent est mis sur ce qui arrive, pas sur qui le fait | is sponsored · are raised |
Prononciation à surveiller
Le locuteur utilise 119 contractions et formes réduites, comme I'm, you're, don't. Prononcez-les sous leur forme courte, telles que vous les entendez.
- Les sons « th »: trustworthy /ˈtɹʌst.wɜː.ði/, threshold /ˈθɹɛʃ(h)oʊld/
- Les sons « sh » et « zh »: deposition /ˌdɛp.əˈzɪʃ.ən/, professionalism /pɹəˈfɛʃənəˌlɪzəm/, recollection /ɹɛkəˈlɛkʃən/, friction /ˈfɹɪkʃən/, negotiation /nɪˌɡəʊ.ʃiˈeɪ.ʃən/
- Mots longs — placez bien l’accent: communicator /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪtə/, deposition /ˌdɛp.əˈzɪʃ.ən/, avocado /ˌɑvəˈkɑdoʊ/, objectively /əbˈd͡ʒɛktɪvli/, prioritize /pɹaɪˈɒɹ.ə.taɪz/
Les sons difficiles pour les francophones :
- /h/ — il se souffle, il n’est pas muet: headline /ˈhɛd.laɪn/, hamburger /ˈhæmˌbɜɹ.ɡɚ/, helper /ˈhɛlpɚ/, wholeheartedly /ˌhoʊlˈhɑɹtədli/, hormone /ˈhoɹmoʊn/
- /tʃ/ et /dʒ/ — à ne pas adoucir en « ch » et « j »: pajamas /pəˈd͡ʒɑ.məz/, posture /ˈpɑst͡ʃɚ/, objectively /əbˈd͡ʒɛktɪvli/, gymnastics /d͡ʒɪmˈnæs.tɪks/, checkout /ˈt͡ʃɛkˌaʊt/
- /r/ anglais — langue recourbée, sans frotter la gorge: restart /ˈɹiːˌstɑɹt/, boundary /ˈbaʊndɹi/, frustrate /ˈfɹʌsˌtɹeɪt/, reset /ɹiːˈsɛt/, redo /ɹiˈduː/
Comment s’entraîner avec cette vidéo
- Écoutez la vidéo en entier une fois sans parler et notez les mots que vous ne connaissez pas.
- Commencez à la vitesse 0,75×, répétez phrase par phrase, puis revenez à la vitesse normale quand cela devient facile.
- Enregistrez-vous et comparez avec l’original, en faisant attention à des mots comme communicator, cosy, restart.
Qu'est-ce que la technique du Shadowing ?
Le Shadowing est une technique d'apprentissage des langues fondée sur la science, développée à l'origine pour la formation des interprètes professionnels. Le principe est simple mais puissant : vous écoutez de l'anglais natif et le répétez immédiatement à voix haute — comme une ombre suivant le locuteur avec un décalage de 1 à 2 secondes. Les recherches montrent une amélioration significative de la précision de la prononciation, de l'intonation, du rythme, des liaisons, de la compréhension orale et de la fluidité.