Shadowing Practice: Why “Good Parenting” Creates Clingy Kids - Learn English Speaking with Video
בחר מצב תרגול
כל מצב פותח חדר תרגול במסך מלא.
156 משפטים
אם המשפטים קצרים או ארוכים מדי, לחץ על ערוך כדי להתאים אותם.
1
It feels like there's an unspoken rule in modern parenting that to be a good mom or dad, you have to be on 24 -7.
2
The coach, the cheerleader, the referee, and sometimes the playmate.
3
All day, every single day.
4
And if you actually pull it off, you become the perfectly engaged parent that's always available.
5
And you tend to get rewarded with a kid who seems like can't play alone for 30 seconds.
6
You know the feeling, you finally sit down for an email or a coffee or just to watch your show.
7
And then within 30 seconds, there's a small person who needs your attention right away
8
and every parent of a toddler knows it
9
and it does come with this what feels like quiet guilt
10
because it feels like the harder you try to be a present parent than the clingier those kids get
11
and most of the internet will say it's a phase and
12
that they'll grow out of it
13
but that's that's not actually what the research says for a lot of us the clinginess isn't a phase
14
that we're just going to be able to wait out it's a habit
15
that we end up accidentally training onto our kids and it's not
16
because we're too involved i think there's plenty of deeply involved parents
17
that have wildly independent kids but there's four specific things
18
that feel like the best parenting on earth but
19
that are quietly teaching our kids one lesson look i've got two boys
20
and i'm very guilty of doing almost all of these things
21
if not all four of them
22
but it's it's i think it's just good to be aware
23
because once you see them it's hard to unsee
24
and then you can kind of catch yourself in the act the first thing the interruption the first one happens
25
when your kid is doing the exact thing that you want
26
which is just playing they are totally locked in in their own little world.
27
This psychologist, whose name I'm not going to say, called it flow.
28
It's when that time disappears when you're just like in deep focus mode.
29
And with little kids, we see this happen when they're playing, stacking cups, lining up cars, or even just watching a bug for 10 minutes straight.
30
To them, it's not nothing.
31
It's really deep work.
32
What do we do the second we see it as parents?
33
We tend to commentate.
34
Wow, look at that big tower or oh, what color is that?
35
And our heart's the right place because we want to connect with our kids but what actually happens is that focus
36
disappears it's not that it gets redirected it's just gone
37
and there's a name for this move too that researchers call intrusiveness
38
which is basically
39
when we steer kids play towards what we want instead of what they're actually doing in
40
that moment in time
41
and in study after study it tracks towards weaker self -control
42
as kids get older now you didn't mean to we mean well as parents
43
but you just taught them that the best part of playing is the moment
44
that they stop and look at you for attention.
45
Now, the advice here isn't to ignore your kid.
46
I think answering them when they reach for it, when they're asking and looking for input is the whole point, but it's when they're specifically locked in that you don't want to interrupt them or teach them to look for that praise.
47
When they're locked in, let them stay locked in.
48
Let them keep doing their own thing.
49
And as hard as it might be, try not to just jump in because unless they give you that invitation, because you want to be responding instead of yanking them out of something good.
50
Now, the second thing, good job.
51
Now, this is the one that I'm probably most guilty of because even if I'm good at not interrupting them, the first thing I do when my kids hold up a drawing or show me something that they're proud of,
52
it's an automatic good job.
53
And I think a lot of people here in the States, especially, we say it a hundred times a day.
54
And on this one, the research is pretty clear, actually.
55
It's not on our side to do that.
56
And Carol Dweck's team at Stanford ran six separate studies.
57
Kids that are praised for being smart.
58
The moment that they hit something hard, they quit faster and enjoyed it less and did worse than kids who are praised for their effort.
59
And it's not just older kids in a lab.
60
In one study specifically, researchers recorded parents praising their one to three -year -olds at home.
61
And the toddlers who heard more effort praise had a healthier relationship with a challenge five years later.
62
And there's a simple reason for this, because when you praise the result of, you're so smart, what a beautiful painting or good job,
63
your kids start performing for your reaction instead of their own curiosity.
64
And the worst part of it is they get scared to do hard things
65
because failing might cost them that smart badge
66
and now the fix isn't to stop cheering them on
67
or telling them good job i think we're all going to
68
do this parents i think it's to aim towards the process it's not wow you're
69
so smart but rather it's a you didn't give up on
70
that one not a beautiful painting but how'd you land on using all
71
that you're telling them that the thing
72
that counts is what they did not whether you approved it
73
or not and now the third one i call this one the house
74
that says no the third one's a little different
75
because it's not really got anything to do with what you say
76
but more of the environment
77
that your kids are in toddlers learn the world by grabbing
78
it that's the literal job description they will grab anything and
79
so if we look at how we build our homes
80
and how we structure things around babies even after baby proofing there's
81
so many breakables cords and just a hundred things
82
that they're not allowed to touch
83
so you as a parent almost spend the whole day as a human guardrail just trailing them around
84
and you become what I like to call the department of no. And from down there at their height, all of those no's can add up to one lesson.
85
They can't take two steps without getting stopped and that they can't trust this place to not break something.
86
And that's something that they learn and grow with.
87
Now we've done a lot of videos on Montessori, which I'll link up here.
88
But.. that world has had an answer for this entire situation and what they call the prepared environment.
89
And the educator, Janet Lansbury, calls the home version a yes space, where it's one zone or just one corner of the room or even a playroom where every single object is safe.
90
It's not just a, can I touch this or can I do this?
91
Your kid knows that anything in that room is fair game.
92
It sounds like a small thing, but give a kid a place where they can explore without hearing the word no, and you're giving them the autonomy that research keeps finding that
93
that basically says kids with real safe independence are more capable
94
and less anxious because they cling less
95
because the room finally stopped saying no they knew it was safe
96
and number four another one
97
that i am just terrible at probably bad at most of these
98
but number four is the rescue and it's one of the hardest ones
99
because it bites a real instinct that you have as a parent
100
when your kid is losing a fight with a shoe
101
or it's on the wrong foot or just something
102
that they're trying to overcome you want to step in
103
and fix it and again this is the one
104
that i'm the worst at especially when it comes to shoes
105
because it's faster for us to get out the door
106
if i just put the shoes on and
107
when i do this i'm doing what researchers call be a
108
little bit dramatic of a name learn helplessness though the cleaner
109
science is about self -efficacy a kid's growing sense of i can affect my own world
110
and i can do this on my own is what really matters
111
because we don't want to quietly say
112
that i don't think you can do this or solve this
113
and there's real evidence underneath it
114
because kids have more controlling you know take over parents tend to develop weaker self -regulation
115
and that struggle that we keep interrupting is where
116
that i can do this myself is supposed to learn
117
and grow from as your kids get older my rule of thumb especially
118
when i see my kids hit the wall
119
or struggling with something is to try to wait for at least 30 seconds
120
because that frustration is where
121
that growth is happening it's reps that's what we want them to do
122
and that's what we want them to get more of as they get older.
123
And then when they do finally ask, I think it's also not immediately jumping in to do it for them.
124
I think it's just making comments of, you know, shoes are hard, but just sitting with them in the hard moment
125
and then helping them try it a little bit differently and helping them think about the solution differently, where you can see that growth and you can see them working with it
126
and solving it and just being so proud of themselves that they were actually able to get it done.
127
Now, all four of these come from the safe place.
128
And it's not from a place of not caring as a parent, but it's from caring so much that you don't want to watch your kids struggle, get things wrong, or just be bored.
129
Every one of these habits and things that even I do and that other parents do, I think it comes from a place of love.
130
It's just that it's love kind of pointing in the wrong direction.
131
And that's really hard, especially when your kids are so little
132
and you just want to be there for them to make it easier.
133
But a kid doesn't build confidence by watching us be brilliant at what they think is just really hard.
134
I think they build it in that space that we leave for them to figure out themselves.
135
So if we close those gaps for them, we don't give them a safe space to learn.
136
The answer becomes that they rely on us, right?
137
That's where they get clingy because they're trained and taught
138
and basically told that the job is that we as parents are everything to our kids.
139
And it's not.
140
The job as a parent, which is really hard to sometimes take and strange, almost sad version of it, is
141
that we have to make ourselves a little bit unnecessary to
142
raise somebody who one day doesn't need us hovering three feet behind them.
143
You don't get there by doing more for your kids.
144
You get there by now and then just doing nothing, letting them figure it out until they've got it.
145
So for this week, try to pick one of these
146
that stuck with you the most and loosen your grip just a little bit on it.
147
Whether they're in deep, quiet focus and playing with a toy, or if they're trying to do something and watching them like lose a battle with a zipper or a pair of shoes,
148
just watch what they do in that space that you give them to figure it out on their own.
149
I know for me, I'm definitely working on the rescue.
150
That's something I need to be better at taking a step back and just letting them solve it.
151
But what about you?
152
Tell me one thing that you're working on or one thing
153
that you found the most impactful and insightful that you want to try to change to.
154
And if there's something else that you found that has helped you throughout this journey, let us know in the comments below.
155
Thanks for being here.
156
We'll see you on the next one.
הורד אפליקציה
כל מה שאתה צריך כדי לדבר בשטף
הגיית AIציון לכל משפט
תרגול IPAשלוט בכל צליל
אוצר מיליםבנה את מאגר המילים שלך
משחק אוצר מיליםלמד תוך כדי משחק
FOR YOU
המלץ על סרטון
B2279 משפטים
What Old Fashioned Moms Understood About Parenting That We Forgot
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B222 משפטים
Kids Stop Throwing When They Put It Back
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B2456
24 משפטים
How Cell Phones Impact Our Relationships
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B22
64 משפטים
The First Five Years Are Gone Before You Know It. Here Is What The Science Says To Do.
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B210
25 משפטים
Setting boundaries with your parents
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B23
177 משפטים
ADHD Focus Skills That Actually Work| Things I learned in Therapy
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B21
276 משפטים
Don't sleep on the "no buy" trend
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B21
245 משפטים
Something Happens When Good People Reach Their Limit
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
C16
69 משפטים
Kids don’t always make you happier. Here’s why people have them anyway. | Paul Bloom
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B218 משפטים
How we need to be raising boys in 2026
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B11
74 משפטים
Mindful Parenting with Popexpert's Shauna Shapiro and Chris White
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B22
50 משפטים
Quit before it ruins you...
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
אוצר מילים והערות הגייה לשיעור הזה
שיעור הדיבור הזה ברמה B2 מבוסס על הסרטון “Why “Good Parenting” Creates Clingy Kids”. בסרטון הזה יש 156 משפטים ו-2080 מילים לתרגול Shadowing. הדיבור נמשך 9:08. הדובר מדבר מהר, כ-228 מילים בדקה, אז צפו לצלילים מחוברים ומקוצרים. 89% מהמילים נמצאות בין 3,000 המילים הנפוצות ביותר באנגלית, כך שקל לעקוב אחרי אוצר המילים.
אוצר מילים מרכזי בסרטון הזה
15 המילים המתקדמות ביותר בסרטון, עם ההגייה והמשמעות שלהן:
| מילה | הגייה | משמעות |
|---|---|---|
| toddler שם עצם | /ˈtɑdlɚ/ | פעוט, זאטוט |
| disappear פועל | /dɪsəˈpɪɹ/ | נֶעֱלַם |
| helplessness שם עצם | /ˈhɛlplɪsnɪs/ | אוזלת יד |
| steer פועל | /stɪɹ/ | נוהג, נוהג ב־ |
| literal שם תואר | /ˈlɪt(ə)ɹəl/ | מילולי |
| psychologist שם עצם | /ˌsaɪˈkɑl.ə.d͡ʒɪst/ | פְּסִיכוֹלוֹג, פסיכולוגית |
| referee שם עצם | /ˌɹɛf.əˈɹi/ | שופט |
| instinct שם עצם | /ˈɪn.stɪŋkt/ | אִינְסְטִינְקְט, יֵצֶר |
| autonomy שם עצם | /ɔˈtɑ.nə.mi/ | אוֹטוֹנוֹמְיָה |
| bore פועל | /boɹ/ | שִׁעֲמֵם |
| frustration שם עצם | /fɹʌsˈtɹeɪ.ʃən/ | תסכול |
| curiosity שם עצם | /ˌkjʊɹ.iˈɑ.sə.ti/ | סקרנות |
| thumb שם עצם | /ˈθʌm/ | אגודל |
| badge שם עצם | /bæd͡ʒ/ | תָּג |
| stack שם עצם | /stæk/ | ערמה |
Phrasal verbs שתשמעו
| מילה | משמעות |
|---|---|
| figure out פועל | הֵבִין, מצא תשובה |
משפטים שכדאי לחזור עליהם
משפטים קצרים ושלמים מהסרטון שאפשר להשתמש בהם בשיחה יומיומית:
- What do we do the second we see it as parents?
- It's not on our side to do that.
- We'll see you on the next one.
דקדוק בסרטון הזה
המבנים שהדובר משתמש בהם הכי הרבה, עם המילים המדויקות מהסרטון:
| מבנה | בסרטון |
|---|---|
| משפטי זיקה (Relative clauses) who / which + clause — מידע נוסף על אדם או דבר | kid who seems · person who needs · kids who are |
| הווה מושלם (Present perfect) have/has + past participle — פעולה שקרתה בעבר ועדיין יש לה חשיבות או השפעה עכשיו | we've done · has had · has helped |
| סביל (Passive voice) be + past participle — הדגש הוא על מה שקורה, לא על מי שעושה את הפעולה | are praised |
הגייה ששווה לשים לב אליה
הדובר משתמש ב-50 קיצורים וצורות מקוצרות, כמו they're, I'm, don't. אמרו אותם בצורה הקצרה, כפי שאתם שומעים אותם.
- הצלילים של “th”: thumb /ˈθʌm/, underneath /ˌʌndɚˈniθ/
- הצלילים של “sh” ו-“zh”: interruption /ˌɪntəˈɹʌpʃən/, frustration /fɹʌsˈtɹeɪ.ʃən/, anxious /ˈæŋkʃəs/, invitation /ɪnvɪˈteɪʃən/
- מילים ארוכות — שימו לב להטעמה: interruption /ˌɪntəˈɹʌpʃən/, educator /ˈɛd͡ʒəkeɪtɚ/, efficacy /ˈɛf.ɪ.kə.si/, psychologist /ˌsaɪˈkɑl.ə.d͡ʒɪst/, autonomy /ɔˈtɑ.nə.mi/
צלילים שדוברי עברית מתקשים בהם:
- /w/ — שפתיים מעוגלות, לא /v/: weaker /ˈwikɚ/, quietly /ˈkwaɪ.ɪt.li/, wildly /ˈwaɪldli/
- /æ/ — פתוח יותר מה-“אֶ” העברית, לא כמו “a” ב-“cup”: impactful /ˈɪmpæktfəl/, badge /bæd͡ʒ/, stack /stæk/, anxious /ˈæŋkʃəs/
- /r/ — הלשון לא נוגעת בשום מקום, לא ה-“ר” הגרונית: interrupt /ˌɪntəˈɹʌpt/, researcher /ˈɹiˌsɝ.t͡ʃɚ/, disappear /dɪsəˈpɪɹ/, breakable /ˈbɹeɪkəbəl/, cheerleader /ˈtʃɪə(ɹ)ˌliːdə(ɹ)/
איך לתרגל עם הסרטון הזה
- הקשיבו לכל הסרטון פעם אחת בלי לדבר, ורשמו את המילים שאתם לא מכירים.
- התחילו במהירות 0.75×, תרגלו Shadowing משפט אחר משפט, וחזרו למהירות רגילה כשזה מרגיש קל.
- הקליטו את עצמכם והשוו למקור, תוך תשומת לב למילים כמו toddler, disappear, helplessness.
מהי טכניקת השאדואינג?
שאדואינג היא טכניקת למידת שפה מבוססת מדע שפותחה במקור להכשרת מתורגמנים מקצועיים ופופולרית על ידי הפוליגלוט ד"ר אלכסנדר ארגואלס. השיטה פשוטה אך עוצמתית: אתה מקשיב לאודיו באנגלית ילידית וחוזר עליו בקול רם מיד — כמו צל העוקב אחרי הדובר עם עיכוב של 1–2 שניות בלבד. בניגוד להאזנה פסיבית או תרגילי דקדוק, שאדואינג מכריח את המוח והשרירים בפה לעבד ולשחזר דפוסי דיבור אמיתיים בו זמנית. מחקרים מראים שזה משפר משמעותית את דיוק ההגייה, האינטונציה, הקצב, הדיבור המחובר, הבנת השמיעה ושטף הדיבור — מה שהופך אותו לאחת השיטות היעילות ביותר להכנה לIELTS Speaking ולתקשורת באנגלית בעולם האמיתי.