쉐도잉 연습: Are you a giver or taker? - 영상으로 영어 말하기 배우기

Everyone doesn't need access to you.

Some people are draining and they don't even know it.

You're allowed to say no. You're allowed to not answer calls.

You're allowed to break plans and if you need to save yourself, do it.

I used to be someone who didn't handle conflict very well.

It doesn't mean that I fight back or say mean things to people,

but I think I believed that a peaceful relationship meant no conflict at all all.

Where both people are just constantly considerate of each other, always happy together.

So I used to end relationships pretty easily when they didn't feel right to me.

But over time, I started to think about this differently.

Certain conflicts with certain people actually change you.

They actually help you learn about yourself, your limits, your capacity, what you can and cannot handle

so now I don't really think that you need to cut off every relationship to protect yourself.

Welcome back to this episode of Dissert Hazel.

I genuinely want people to be happy.

I want you to be happy.

I don't want to hurt people and I wish I knew more ways to handle getting hurt too.

I've always hoped that we could simply like and understand each other better

but as I go through life that's one thing that I keep learning.

You can't make everyone happy.

And protecting yourself is actually really hard.

Not hurting others is difficult and dealing with pain in a healthy way is hard too.

Finding a balance between those two things is something everyone has to learn.

We often hear you need to protect yourself and we tend to take it quite extremely.

Like if someone makes you uncomfortable, you should cut them off.

Or if this relationship hurts you, you should end it immediately like I did before.

But real life is not that easy.

Of course, sometimes ending a relationship is necessary.

I'm actually someone who believes that.

But at the same time, some conflicts can help define the relationship and make the boundaries clearer.

To me, for now at this point, the key isn't cutting off anymore.

It's awareness.

Just noticing how people, like how someone is treating you.

That's the starting point.

And from there, you naturally start adjusting your position in that relationship, understanding who you are to the other person and what place you hold in their life.

When I look at relationships, I have one main principle, like rule I follow.

I think, I think I have a pretty high level of empathy.

Sometimes it's good to have it, sometimes it's not but so naturally i tend to treat others the way i want to be treated

well i'm not perfect at it of course i'm human too

but this is yeah what i'm trying to do

but this has become a kind of compass for me to understand people

and evaluate relationships how am i treating this person

and how are they treating me that simple observation tells you a lot more than you know.

There's a phrase that people use a lot.

I've heard it many times.

Giver and taker.

One person gives and the other takes.

It almost sounds like people are talking about someone's natural personality, like some people naturally feel more themselves giving, while others are more used to receiving and taking.

What do you think you are?

A giver or a taker?

Let me know in the comments below.

Anywho, I don't really define myself as giver or taker.

I don't think those are fixed rules in my case.

In some relationships, I might be the one giving more.

In others, I might be the one receiving more.

Even the people around me would probably describe me differently depending on the relationship.

It's less about personality.

It's more about context and timing for me and I don't think one is better than the other.

I think it's good that you know which one you are in the relationship

because not everyone moves with the same good intentions

and not every relationship is built on the same level of care and mutual respect.

So we do need to be a little careful sometimes sadly

and when I say careful I don't mean becoming suspicious of everyone.

You can't live like that.

It would be exhausting to spend your whole life holding up a flashlight, constantly trying to find the truth in people.

Enjoy your time with people you love.

I mean, relationships are about giving and receiving but not in a transactional way more like a natural cycle.

What you give to someone might come back in a different form

or maybe from a different person and what you receive might flow into someone else later on.

Maybe that's why I don't really put too much meaning into labels like giver

and taker but if you feel like you're being used

and that's not a healthy interaction and honestly when you constantly feel

that way your feelings are usually right wait a minute this is about taking

and receiving and in a relationship one person keeps taking things

and the other person needs to give and give give give

so that's so unfair yeah those kind of things exist i don't want to label myself as a giver

and taker because i i want to do both and

when i think about my people

and my friends i don't want to label them like a taker

and giver that's just so unfair and i want them to know

if they're being a taker and giver in their relationships because we don't all love or express things in the same way

Yes, so this awareness of protecting yourself needs to be quite objective.

Maybe this is a little off topic, but it's almost impossible for two people to fill a relationship in exactly the same way.

If that ever happens, you're very lucky.

There are so many different kinds of relationships.

Some people trust each other so deeply even though they don't talk every day.

Some people talk every single day but they still don't feel truly connected.

And sometimes even if you shared a lot of memories with someone, those memories can feel less meaningful compared to the memories you shared with someone else.

It might sound a bit sad but it's not something that you can really control and it's not just you.

The other person is probably experiencing the same thing in their own way.

So if you ever feel like you're always the giver or

that someone is taking you for or

that they are just staying in a relationship without really giving

back to you then it's important to look at the relationship very objectively Ahem,

hey, I don't think that I explained my thoughts very clearly earlier.

What I was trying to say is that understanding each person's role in a relationship might sound a bit cold at first, but I actually think it's really important.

It can be a kind of boundary that protects you, but at the same time,

it also becomes a foundation that lets you love someone more freely and more comfortably.

And just because I give a lot to someone doesn't mean

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that they have an obligation to give me the same amount back to me.

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What I give doesn't just disappear, it gets filled in different ways, in different forms.

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And when you really understand that, you don't really feel empty or drained just because you gave yourself to someone.

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And I think at the core of all of this is just asking yourself, am I actually happy in this relationship?

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And once I started looking at these things that way,

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whenever conflict comes up, I naturally start to step back and look at the relationship itself.

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Why?

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Because sometimes you really feel okay to be just a giver for certain people.

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Like your family feels different some friends feel different.

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It's not about erasing yourself for someone else.

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It's about building a relationship where you fully exist inside it.

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So I'm just curious, what do you look for in a healthy relationship?

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Are you a giver or a taker?

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I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

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And I think hearing different perspectives helps us understand each other a little better too.

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Anywho, so thank you for today and have a good day.

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Bye-bye.

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you

쉐도잉이란? 영어 실력을 빠르게 키우는 과학적 방법

쉐도잉(Shadowing)은 원래 전문 통역사 훈련을 위해 개발된 언어 학습 기법으로, 다언어 학자인 Dr. Alexander Arguelles에 의해 대중화된 방법입니다. 핵심 원리는 간단하지만 매우 강력합니다: 원어민의 영어를 들으면서 1~2초의 짧은 지연으로 즉시 소리 내어 따라 말하는 것——마치 '그림자(shadow)'처럼 화자를 따라가는 것입니다. 문법 공부나 수동적인 청취와 달리, 쉐도잉은 뇌와 입 근육이 동시에 실시간으로 영어를 처리하고 재현하도록 훈련합니다. 연구에 따르면 이 방법은 발음 정확도, 억양, 리듬, 연음, 청취력, 말하기 유창성을 크게 향상시킵니다. IELTS 스피킹 준비와 자연스러운 영어 소통을 원하는 분들에게 특히 효과적입니다.

쉐도잉 연습: Are you a giver or taker? - 영상으로 영어 말하기 배우기

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