Shadowing Practice: Are you a giver or taker? - Learn English Speaking with Video
Les maken...
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Everyone doesn't need access to you.
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Some people are draining and they don't even know it.
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You're allowed to say no. You're allowed to not answer calls.
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You're allowed to break plans and if you need to save yourself, do it.
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I used to be someone who didn't handle conflict very well.
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It doesn't mean that I fight back or say mean things to people,
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but I think I believed that a peaceful relationship meant no conflict at all all.
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Where both people are just constantly considerate of each other, always happy together.
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So I used to end relationships pretty easily when they didn't feel right to me.
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But over time, I started to think about this differently.
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Certain conflicts with certain people actually change you.
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They actually help you learn about yourself, your limits, your capacity, what you can and cannot handle
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so now I don't really think that you need to cut off every relationship to protect yourself.
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Welcome back to this episode of Dissert Hazel.
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I genuinely want people to be happy.
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I want you to be happy.
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I don't want to hurt people and I wish I knew more ways to handle getting hurt too.
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I've always hoped that we could simply like and understand each other better
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but as I go through life that's one thing that I keep learning.
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You can't make everyone happy.
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And protecting yourself is actually really hard.
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Not hurting others is difficult and dealing with pain in a healthy way is hard too.
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Finding a balance between those two things is something everyone has to learn.
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We often hear you need to protect yourself and we tend to take it quite extremely.
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Like if someone makes you uncomfortable, you should cut them off.
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Or if this relationship hurts you, you should end it immediately like I did before.
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But real life is not that easy.
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Of course, sometimes ending a relationship is necessary.
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I'm actually someone who believes that.
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But at the same time, some conflicts can help define the relationship and make the boundaries clearer.
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To me, for now at this point, the key isn't cutting off anymore.
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It's awareness.
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Just noticing how people, like how someone is treating you.
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That's the starting point.
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And from there, you naturally start adjusting your position in that relationship, understanding who you are to the other person and what place you hold in their life.
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When I look at relationships, I have one main principle, like rule I follow.
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I think, I think I have a pretty high level of empathy.
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Sometimes it's good to have it, sometimes it's not but so naturally i tend to treat others the way i want to be treated
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well i'm not perfect at it of course i'm human too
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but this is yeah what i'm trying to do
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but this has become a kind of compass for me to understand people
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and evaluate relationships how am i treating this person
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and how are they treating me that simple observation tells you a lot more than you know.
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There's a phrase that people use a lot.
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I've heard it many times.
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Giver and taker.
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One person gives and the other takes.
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It almost sounds like people are talking about someone's natural personality, like some people naturally feel more themselves giving, while others are more used to receiving and taking.
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What do you think you are?
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A giver or a taker?
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Let me know in the comments below.
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Anywho, I don't really define myself as giver or taker.
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I don't think those are fixed rules in my case.
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In some relationships, I might be the one giving more.
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In others, I might be the one receiving more.
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Even the people around me would probably describe me differently depending on the relationship.
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It's less about personality.
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It's more about context and timing for me and I don't think one is better than the other.
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I think it's good that you know which one you are in the relationship
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because not everyone moves with the same good intentions
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and not every relationship is built on the same level of care and mutual respect.
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So we do need to be a little careful sometimes sadly
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and when I say careful I don't mean becoming suspicious of everyone.
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You can't live like that.
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It would be exhausting to spend your whole life holding up a flashlight, constantly trying to find the truth in people.
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Enjoy your time with people you love.
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I mean, relationships are about giving and receiving but not in a transactional way more like a natural cycle.
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What you give to someone might come back in a different form
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or maybe from a different person and what you receive might flow into someone else later on.
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Maybe that's why I don't really put too much meaning into labels like giver
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and taker but if you feel like you're being used
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and that's not a healthy interaction and honestly when you constantly feel
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that way your feelings are usually right wait a minute this is about taking
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and receiving and in a relationship one person keeps taking things
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and the other person needs to give and give give give
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so that's so unfair yeah those kind of things exist i don't want to label myself as a giver
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and taker because i i want to do both and
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when i think about my people
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and my friends i don't want to label them like a taker
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and giver that's just so unfair and i want them to know
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if they're being a taker and giver in their relationships because we don't all love or express things in the same way
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Yes, so this awareness of protecting yourself needs to be quite objective.
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Maybe this is a little off topic, but it's almost impossible for two people to fill a relationship in exactly the same way.
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If that ever happens, you're very lucky.
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There are so many different kinds of relationships.
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Some people trust each other so deeply even though they don't talk every day.
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Some people talk every single day but they still don't feel truly connected.
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And sometimes even if you shared a lot of memories with someone, those memories can feel less meaningful compared to the memories you shared with someone else.
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It might sound a bit sad but it's not something that you can really control and it's not just you.
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The other person is probably experiencing the same thing in their own way.
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So if you ever feel like you're always the giver or
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that someone is taking you for or
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that they are just staying in a relationship without really giving
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back to you then it's important to look at the relationship very objectively Ahem,
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hey, I don't think that I explained my thoughts very clearly earlier.
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What I was trying to say is that understanding each person's role in a relationship might sound a bit cold at first, but I actually think it's really important.
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It can be a kind of boundary that protects you, but at the same time,
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it also becomes a foundation that lets you love someone more freely and more comfortably.
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And just because I give a lot to someone doesn't mean
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that they have an obligation to give me the same amount back to me.
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What I give doesn't just disappear, it gets filled in different ways, in different forms.
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And when you really understand that, you don't really feel empty or drained just because you gave yourself to someone.
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And I think at the core of all of this is just asking yourself, am I actually happy in this relationship?
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And once I started looking at these things that way,
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whenever conflict comes up, I naturally start to step back and look at the relationship itself.
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Why?
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Because sometimes you really feel okay to be just a giver for certain people.
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Like your family feels different some friends feel different.
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It's not about erasing yourself for someone else.
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It's about building a relationship where you fully exist inside it.
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So I'm just curious, what do you look for in a healthy relationship?
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Are you a giver or a taker?
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I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
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And I think hearing different perspectives helps us understand each other a little better too.
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Anywho, so thank you for today and have a good day.
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Bye-bye.
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you
📺 Zelfde Kanaal
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Woordenschat en spreektips bij deze les
Deze spreekles op niveau B2 is gebaseerd op de video “Are you a giver or taker?”. Deze woorden komen het vaakst terug: relationship, giver, taker. Deze video bevat 117 zinnen en 1410 woorden om na te spreken. Het gesproken deel duurt 9:10. De spreker praat in een natuurlijk tempo van ongeveer 154 woorden per minuut, dicht bij een alledaags gesprek. 86% van de woorden hoort bij de 3.000 meest gebruikte Engelse woorden; de rest kun je beter vooraf bekijken.
Belangrijke woorden in deze video
De 15 moeilijkste woorden uit de video, met uitspraak en betekenis:
| Woord | Uitspraak | Betekenis |
|---|---|---|
| drain zelfstandig naamwoord | /dɹiːn/ | afvoer |
| boundary zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈbaʊndɹi/ | grens |
| considerate bijvoeglijk naamwoord | /kənˈsɪdəɹət/ | zorgzaam, voorkomend |
| flashlight zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈflæʃˌlaɪt/ | zaklamp, zaklantaarn |
| objectively bijwoord | /əbˈd͡ʒɛktɪvli/ | objectief |
| erase werkwoord | /ɪˈɹeɪs/ | uitwissen, uitgummen |
| empathy zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈɛmpəθi/ | inlevingsvermogen, empathie |
| compass zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈkʌmpəs/ | kompas |
| exhaust werkwoord | /ɪɡˈzɔst/ | uitputten, verminderen |
| obligation zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˌɑ.blɪˈɡeɪ.ʃn̩/ | verplichting, plicht |
| adjust werkwoord | /əˈd͡ʒʌst/ | aanpassen, verstellen |
| suspicious bijvoeglijk naamwoord | /səˈspɪʃ.əs/ | verdacht |
| disappear werkwoord | /dɪsəˈpɪɹ/ | verdwijnen, verzwinden |
| observation zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˌɑbzɚˈveɪʃn̩/ | waarneming |
| meaningful bijvoeglijk naamwoord | /ˈmiː.nɪŋ.fl̩/ | zinvol |
Zinnen om te herhalen
Korte, volledige zinnen uit de video die je in alledaagse gesprekken kunt gebruiken:
- Everyone doesn't need access to you.
- You're allowed to say no.
- You're allowed to not answer calls.
- What do you think you are?
- Are you a giver or a taker?
Grammatica in deze video
De structuren die de spreker het meest gebruikt, met de exacte woorden uit de video:
| Structuur | In de video |
|---|---|
| “Used to” used to + werkwoord — een vroegere gewoonte of toestand die niet meer klopt | used to be · used to end · used to receiving |
| Present perfect have/has + voltooid deelwoord — iets uit het verleden dat nu nog telt | I've always hoped · has become · I've heard |
| Lijdende vorm be + voltooid deelwoord — het gaat om wat er gebeurt, niet om wie het doet | be treated · are fixed · is built |
| Betrekkelijke bijzinnen who / which + zin — extra informatie over een persoon of ding | someone who didn · someone who believes |
Uitspraak om op te letten
De spreker gebruikt 39 samentrekkingen en verkorte vormen, zoals don't, you're, I'm. Spreek ze kort uit, zoals je ze hoort.
- De klanken “sh” en “zh”: flashlight /ˈflæʃˌlaɪt/, transactional /trænˈzækʃ(ə)nəl/, obligation /ˌɑ.blɪˈɡeɪ.ʃn̩/, suspicious /səˈspɪʃ.əs/, intentions /ɪnˈtɛnʃənz/
- Lange woorden — let op de klemtoon: considerate /kənˈsɪdəɹət/, objectively /əbˈd͡ʒɛktɪvli/, transactional /trænˈzækʃ(ə)nəl/, genuinely /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/, uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/
Klanken die Nederlandstaligen lastig vinden:
- Stemhebbende eindmedeklinker — /b/, /d/, /g/, /z/, /v/ niet verscherpen: intentions /ɪnˈtɛnʃənz/, depend /dɪˈpɛnd/
- /æ/ — opener dan de Nederlandse “e”: flashlight /ˈflæʃˌlaɪt/, transactional /trænˈzækʃ(ə)nəl/, sadly /ˈsædli/
- /g/ — een harde plofklank, geen Nederlandse “g”: giver /ˈɡɪvɚ/, exhaust /ɪɡˈzɔst/, obligation /ˌɑ.blɪˈɡeɪ.ʃn̩/
Zo oefen je met deze video
- Luister de hele video één keer zonder te spreken en noteer de woorden die je niet kent.
- Begin op 0,75× snelheid, spreek zin voor zin na en ga terug naar normale snelheid zodra het makkelijk gaat.
- Neem jezelf op en vergelijk met het origineel; let daarbij op woorden als drain, boundary, considerate.
Wat is de Shadowing-techniek?
Shadowing is een wetenschappelijk onderbouwde taalleermethode die oorspronkelijk is ontwikkeld voor professionele tolkentraining en gepopulariseerd door polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. De methode is eenvoudig maar krachtig: je luistert naar native Engelse audio en herhaalt het onmiddellijk hardop — als een schaduw die de spreker volgt met slechts 1–2 seconden vertraging. In tegenstelling tot passief luisteren of grammaticadrills, dwingt shadowing je hersenen en mondspieren om echte spraakpatronen tegelijkertijd te verwerken en te reproduceren. Onderzoek toont aan dat het de uitspraaknauwkeurigheid, intonatie, ritme, verbonden spraak, luisterbegrip en spreekvaardigheid aanzienlijk verbetert — waardoor het een van de meest effectieve methoden is voor IELTS Speaking-voorbereiding en echte Engelse communicatie.