Shadowing Practice: Are you a giver or taker? - Learn English Speaking with Video

Everyone doesn't need access to you.

Some people are draining and they don't even know it.

You're allowed to say no. You're allowed to not answer calls.

You're allowed to break plans and if you need to save yourself, do it.

I used to be someone who didn't handle conflict very well.

It doesn't mean that I fight back or say mean things to people,

but I think I believed that a peaceful relationship meant no conflict at all all.

Where both people are just constantly considerate of each other, always happy together.

So I used to end relationships pretty easily when they didn't feel right to me.

But over time, I started to think about this differently.

Certain conflicts with certain people actually change you.

They actually help you learn about yourself, your limits, your capacity, what you can and cannot handle

so now I don't really think that you need to cut off every relationship to protect yourself.

Welcome back to this episode of Dissert Hazel.

I genuinely want people to be happy.

I want you to be happy.

I don't want to hurt people and I wish I knew more ways to handle getting hurt too.

I've always hoped that we could simply like and understand each other better

but as I go through life that's one thing that I keep learning.

You can't make everyone happy.

And protecting yourself is actually really hard.

Not hurting others is difficult and dealing with pain in a healthy way is hard too.

Finding a balance between those two things is something everyone has to learn.

We often hear you need to protect yourself and we tend to take it quite extremely.

Like if someone makes you uncomfortable, you should cut them off.

Or if this relationship hurts you, you should end it immediately like I did before.

But real life is not that easy.

Of course, sometimes ending a relationship is necessary.

I'm actually someone who believes that.

But at the same time, some conflicts can help define the relationship and make the boundaries clearer.

To me, for now at this point, the key isn't cutting off anymore.

It's awareness.

Just noticing how people, like how someone is treating you.

That's the starting point.

And from there, you naturally start adjusting your position in that relationship, understanding who you are to the other person and what place you hold in their life.

When I look at relationships, I have one main principle, like rule I follow.

I think, I think I have a pretty high level of empathy.

Sometimes it's good to have it, sometimes it's not but so naturally i tend to treat others the way i want to be treated

well i'm not perfect at it of course i'm human too

but this is yeah what i'm trying to do

but this has become a kind of compass for me to understand people

and evaluate relationships how am i treating this person

and how are they treating me that simple observation tells you a lot more than you know.

There's a phrase that people use a lot.

I've heard it many times.

Giver and taker.

One person gives and the other takes.

It almost sounds like people are talking about someone's natural personality, like some people naturally feel more themselves giving, while others are more used to receiving and taking.

What do you think you are?

A giver or a taker?

Let me know in the comments below.

Anywho, I don't really define myself as giver or taker.

I don't think those are fixed rules in my case.

In some relationships, I might be the one giving more.

In others, I might be the one receiving more.

Even the people around me would probably describe me differently depending on the relationship.

It's less about personality.

It's more about context and timing for me and I don't think one is better than the other.

I think it's good that you know which one you are in the relationship

because not everyone moves with the same good intentions

and not every relationship is built on the same level of care and mutual respect.

So we do need to be a little careful sometimes sadly

and when I say careful I don't mean becoming suspicious of everyone.

You can't live like that.

It would be exhausting to spend your whole life holding up a flashlight, constantly trying to find the truth in people.

Enjoy your time with people you love.

I mean, relationships are about giving and receiving but not in a transactional way more like a natural cycle.

What you give to someone might come back in a different form

or maybe from a different person and what you receive might flow into someone else later on.

Maybe that's why I don't really put too much meaning into labels like giver

and taker but if you feel like you're being used

and that's not a healthy interaction and honestly when you constantly feel

that way your feelings are usually right wait a minute this is about taking

and receiving and in a relationship one person keeps taking things

and the other person needs to give and give give give

so that's so unfair yeah those kind of things exist i don't want to label myself as a giver

and taker because i i want to do both and

when i think about my people

and my friends i don't want to label them like a taker

and giver that's just so unfair and i want them to know

if they're being a taker and giver in their relationships because we don't all love or express things in the same way

Yes, so this awareness of protecting yourself needs to be quite objective.

Maybe this is a little off topic, but it's almost impossible for two people to fill a relationship in exactly the same way.

If that ever happens, you're very lucky.

There are so many different kinds of relationships.

Some people trust each other so deeply even though they don't talk every day.

Some people talk every single day but they still don't feel truly connected.

And sometimes even if you shared a lot of memories with someone, those memories can feel less meaningful compared to the memories you shared with someone else.

It might sound a bit sad but it's not something that you can really control and it's not just you.

The other person is probably experiencing the same thing in their own way.

So if you ever feel like you're always the giver or

that someone is taking you for or

that they are just staying in a relationship without really giving

back to you then it's important to look at the relationship very objectively Ahem,

hey, I don't think that I explained my thoughts very clearly earlier.

What I was trying to say is that understanding each person's role in a relationship might sound a bit cold at first, but I actually think it's really important.

It can be a kind of boundary that protects you, but at the same time,

it also becomes a foundation that lets you love someone more freely and more comfortably.

And just because I give a lot to someone doesn't mean

100

that they have an obligation to give me the same amount back to me.

101

What I give doesn't just disappear, it gets filled in different ways, in different forms.

102

And when you really understand that, you don't really feel empty or drained just because you gave yourself to someone.

103

And I think at the core of all of this is just asking yourself, am I actually happy in this relationship?

104

And once I started looking at these things that way,

105

whenever conflict comes up, I naturally start to step back and look at the relationship itself.

106

Why?

107

Because sometimes you really feel okay to be just a giver for certain people.

108

Like your family feels different some friends feel different.

109

It's not about erasing yourself for someone else.

110

It's about building a relationship where you fully exist inside it.

111

So I'm just curious, what do you look for in a healthy relationship?

112

Are you a giver or a taker?

113

I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

114

And I think hearing different perspectives helps us understand each other a little better too.

115

Anywho, so thank you for today and have a good day.

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Bye-bye.

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you

📺 Aynı Kanal

Bu dersin kelimeleri ve konuşma notları

Bu B2 seviyesindeki konuşma dersi “Are you a giver or taker?” videosuna dayanıyor. En çok tekrarlanan kelimeler: relationship, giver, taker. Bu videoda gölgeleme çalışması için 117 cümle ve 1410 kelime var. Konuşma bölümü 9:10 sürüyor. Konuşmacı dakikada yaklaşık 154 kelimeyle, günlük konuşmaya yakın doğal bir hızda konuşuyor. Kelimelerin %86’i İngilizcede en sık kullanılan 3.000 kelime arasında; geri kalanına başlamadan önce bakmakta fayda var.

Bu videodaki önemli kelimeler

Videodaki en ileri düzey 15 kelime, telaffuzu ve anlamıyla:

Kelime	Telaffuz	Anlam
drain isim	/dɹiːn/	gider, yağmur gideri
unfair sıfat	/ʌnˈfɛɚ/	adaletsiz
flashlight isim	/ˈflæʃˌlaɪt/	fener, el feneri
erase fiil	/ɪˈɹeɪs/	silmek
empathy isim	/ˈɛmpəθi/	empati
compass isim	/ˈkʌmpəs/	pusula
exhaust fiil	/ɪɡˈzɔst/	salmak, eritmek
evaluate fiil	/ɪˈvaljʊeɪt/	değerlendirmek
obligation isim	/ˌɑ.blɪˈɡeɪ.ʃn̩/	vazife, yükümlülük
suspicious sıfat	/səˈspɪʃ.əs/	şüpheli, şüphe uyandırıcı
disappear fiil	/dɪsəˈpɪɹ/	gözden kaybolmak, yok olmak
observation isim	/ˌɑbzɚˈveɪʃn̩/	gözlem
meaningful sıfat	/ˈmiː.nɪŋ.fl̩/	anlamlı, manalı
sadly zarf	/ˈsædli/	üzgünce
uncomfortable sıfat	/ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/	rahatsız

Tekrar etmeye değer cümleler

Videodan, günlük konuşmada yeniden kullanabileceğiniz kısa ve tam cümleler:

Everyone doesn't need access to you.
You're allowed to say no.
You're allowed to not answer calls.
What do you think you are?
Are you a giver or a taker?

Bu videodaki dil bilgisi

Konuşmacının en çok kullandığı yapılar, videodaki sözcüklerin aynısıyla:

Yapı	Videoda
“Used to” used to + fiil — artık geçerli olmayan eski bir alışkanlık ya da durum	used to be · used to end · used to receiving
Present perfect have/has + fiilin üçüncü hâli — geçmişte olan ama şimdi de önemli olan bir eylem	I've always hoped · has become · I've heard
Edilgen yapı be + fiilin üçüncü hâli — kimin yaptığı değil, ne olduğu önemli	be treated · are fixed · is built
İlgi cümlecikleri who / which + cümle — bir kişi ya da şey hakkında ek bilgi	someone who didn · someone who believes

Dikkat edilecek telaffuzlar

Konuşmacı don't, you're, I'm gibi kısaltılmış biçimleri 39 kez kullanıyor. Bunları duyduğunuz gibi kısa söyleyin.

“sh” ve “zh” sesleri: flashlight /ˈflæʃˌlaɪt/, transactional /trænˈzækʃ(ə)nəl/, obligation /ˌɑ.blɪˈɡeɪ.ʃn̩/, suspicious /səˈspɪʃ.əs/, intentions /ɪnˈtɛnʃənz/
Uzun kelimeler — vurguyu doğru yere koyun: considerate /kənˈsɪdəɹət/, objectively /əbˈd͡ʒɛktɪvli/, transactional /trænˈzækʃ(ə)nəl/, genuinely /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/, uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/

Türkçe konuşanların zorlandığı sesler:

Kelime başındaki ünsüz kümesi — araya ünlü eklemeyin: drain /dɹiːn/, flashlight /ˈflæʃˌlaɪt/, transactional /trænˈzækʃ(ə)nəl/, freely /ˈfɹili/
/æ/ — “e”den daha açık: flashlight /ˈflæʃˌlaɪt/, transactional /trænˈzækʃ(ə)nəl/, sadly /ˈsædli/

Bu videoyla nasıl çalışılır

Videonun tamamını konuşmadan bir kez dinleyin ve bilmediğiniz kelimeleri not edin.
0,75× hızla başlayın, cümle cümle tekrar edin ve kolaylaşınca normal hıza dönün.
Kendinizi kaydedin ve orijinaliyle karşılaştırın; drain, unfair, flashlight gibi kelimelere özellikle dikkat edin.

Gölgeleme Tekniği Nedir?

Gölgeleme, başlangıçta profesyonel tercüman eğitimi için geliştirilen ve çok dilli Dr. Alexander Arguelles tarafından popüler hale getirilen, bilim destekli bir dil öğrenme tekniğidir. Yöntem basit ama güçlüdür: ana dili İngilizce olan bir sesi dinler ve hemen yüksek sesle tekrar edersiniz — konuşmacıyı 1-2 saniye gecikmeyle takip eden bir gölge gibi. Pasif dinleme veya dilbilgisi alıştırmalarının aksine, gölgeleme beyninizi ve ağız kaslarınızı gerçek konuşma kalıplarını eşzamanlı olarak işlemeye ve yeniden üretmeye zorlar. Araştırmalar, telaffuz doğruluğu, tonlama, ritim, bağlı konuşma, dinleme anlama ve konuşma akıcılığını önemli ölçüde geliştirdiğini göstermektedir — bu da onu IELTS Konuşma hazırlığı ve gerçek dünya İngilizce iletişimi için en etkili yöntemlerden biri yapar.

Shadowing tekniği: adım adım eksiksiz rehberi okuyun →

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