Shadowing Practice: Harvard negotiator explains how to argue | Dan Shapiro - Learn English Speaking with Video
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- I personally feel uncomfortable around conflict.
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- Now, we're here today to find out how to argue.
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- But conflict is useful.
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The question is, how do you deal with conflict the most effectively?
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Here we go.
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I am author of Negotiating the Nonnegotiable: How to Resolve Your Most Emotionally-Charged Conflicts.
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Have you found yourself in an argument that felt so frustrating, so at a core aggravating?
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- That's the silliest opinion I've ever heard.
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- It felt just nonnegotiable?
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Well, congratulations, you're a human being.
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We all experience conflict in our lives, and seeing what's going on in our world today, my hunch is you were probably having at least one of these conflicts about politics.
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Our country has fallen into what I believe is a tribal trap.
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Anything that that other side says, I shall not believe, I shall not give any credibility to, and I'm gonna do everything I can to prove I'm right, you're wrong, and to stifle you down to raise me up.
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The problem is not with the what, what are we arguing about, the problem is with the how.
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- How should we argue?
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- How can we be more effective?
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And what I've found is that there are three big barriers that we can actually overcome to have more effective conversations.
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The big things, one, identity, two, appreciation, and three, affiliation.
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Let's start with identity.
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- Now, first of all, this is a hot issue.
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- Why do we get so emotional in these conflict situations?
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It often goes back to something deeper: identity.
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What are the core values, the core beliefs that are feeling threatened inside of you as you're having that conversation with the other side?
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The moment your identity gets hooked in these conflicts, all of a sudden your emotions become Boy, this is a wholly different conflict now.
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It's now your pride.
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Your sense of self is on the line.
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You need to know who you are and what you stand for.
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What are the values and beliefs that are driving me to fight for this stance on this issue?
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The more you understand who you are, the more you can try to get your purpose met and stay balanced, even when the other threatens those core values and beliefs.
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Each side wants to feel appreciated, and yet the last thing they wanna do is to appreciate the other side.
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That's a problem.
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- Listen and understand.
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- When you're in the midst of the conflict, don't talk.
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Take the first 10 minutes.
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Consciously listen to the other side.
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What's the value behind their perspective?
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What's the logic, the rationale?
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Why do they hold this perspective on immigration or healthcare?
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Once you truly understand and see the value in their perspective, let them know I hear where you're coming from, and you know what?
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That makes sense.
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There is nothing more in the world that we like than to feel appreciated.
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Recognize your power to appreciate them.
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Third, affiliation.
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What's the emotional connection like between you and the other side?
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We typically approach these conflict situations as me versus you.
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My opinion on healthcare versus yours, my party's perspectives on immigration versus yours.
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That's just gonna leave the two of you like rams butting heads.
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- Find common ground.
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- Turn that other person from an adversary into a partner, so it's no longer me versus you, but the two of us facing the same shared problem.
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Ask the other person, "Look, what's your advice "on how we can get as many of our interests met "at the same time?" Change the nature of your conversation.
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Now, you put these three things into practice, it can transform your relationships.
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Imagine what would happen if we started a revolution, but a positive revolution of greater understanding, greater appreciation, greater affiliation, how we could transform politics, how we could transform our country and ultimately our world.
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I believe it's possible, but it starts with each one of us.
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Woordenschat en spreektips bij deze les
Deze spreekles op niveau C1 is gebaseerd op de video “Harvard negotiator explains how to argue”. Deze woorden komen het vaakst terug: conflict, value, versus, perspective, identity. Deze video bevat 53 zinnen en 656 woorden om na te spreken. Het gesproken deel duurt 4:22. De spreker praat in een natuurlijk tempo van ongeveer 150 woorden per minuut, dicht bij een alledaags gesprek. 87% van de woorden hoort bij de 3.000 meest gebruikte Engelse woorden; de rest kun je beter vooraf bekijken. 13 van de 53 zinnen zijn vragen, dus het is goede oefening voor vraagintonatie en korte antwoorden.
Belangrijke woorden in deze video
De 11 moeilijkste woorden uit de video, met uitspraak en betekenis:
| Woord | Uitspraak | Betekenis |
|---|---|---|
| affiliation zelfstandig naamwoord | /əˌfɪliˈeɪʃən/ | samenhorigheid, gebondenheid |
| threaten werkwoord | /ˈθɹɛt.n̩/ | bedreigen, dreigen |
| adversary zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈæd.vəɹˌsɛɹi/ | tegenstander, tegenstandster |
| aggravate werkwoord | /ˈæɡ.ɹə.veɪ̯t/ | verergeren |
| frustrate werkwoord | /ˈfɹʌsˌtɹeɪt/ | frustreren |
| stifle werkwoord | /ˈstaɪf(ə)l/ | verstikken, versmoren |
| consciously bijwoord | bewust | |
| rationale zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˌɹæʃ.əˈnæl/ | ratio |
| credibility zelfstandig naamwoord | /kɹɛd.əˈbɪ.ɫɪ.ti/ | geloofwaardigheid |
| tribal bijvoeglijk naamwoord | /ˈtɹaɪbəl/ | stam-, stammen- |
| stance zelfstandig naamwoord | /stæns/ | houding |
Phrasal verbs die je zult horen
| Woord | Betekenis |
|---|---|
| find out werkwoord | ontdekken, onderzoeken |
Zinnen om te herhalen
Korte, volledige zinnen uit de video die je in alledaagse gesprekken kunt gebruiken:
- The question is, how do you deal with conflict the most effectively?
- What's the value behind their perspective?
- What's the logic, the rationale?
- What's the emotional connection like between you and the other side?
Uitspraak om op te letten
De spreker gebruikt 14 samentrekkingen en verkorte vormen, zoals you're, gonna, I'm. Spreek ze kort uit, zoals je ze hoort.
- De klanken “sh” en “zh”: affiliation /əˌfɪliˈeɪʃən/, rationale /ˌɹæʃ.əˈnæl/
- Lange woorden — let op de klemtoon: affiliation /əˌfɪliˈeɪʃən/, adversary /ˈæd.vəɹˌsɛɹi/, credibility /kɹɛd.əˈbɪ.ɫɪ.ti/
Zo oefen je met deze video
- Luister de hele video één keer zonder te spreken en noteer de woorden die je niet kent.
- Begin op 0,75× snelheid, spreek zin voor zin na en ga terug naar normale snelheid zodra het makkelijk gaat.
- Neem jezelf op en vergelijk met het origineel; let daarbij op woorden als affiliation, threaten, adversary.
Wat is de Shadowing-techniek?
Shadowing is een wetenschappelijk onderbouwde taalleermethode die oorspronkelijk is ontwikkeld voor professionele tolkentraining en gepopulariseerd door polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. De methode is eenvoudig maar krachtig: je luistert naar native Engelse audio en herhaalt het onmiddellijk hardop — als een schaduw die de spreker volgt met slechts 1–2 seconden vertraging. In tegenstelling tot passief luisteren of grammaticadrills, dwingt shadowing je hersenen en mondspieren om echte spraakpatronen tegelijkertijd te verwerken en te reproduceren. Onderzoek toont aan dat het de uitspraaknauwkeurigheid, intonatie, ritme, verbonden spraak, luisterbegrip en spreekvaardigheid aanzienlijk verbetert — waardoor het een van de meest effectieve methoden is voor IELTS Speaking-voorbereiding en echte Engelse communicatie.