Shadowing Practice: Harvard negotiator explains how to argue | Dan Shapiro - Learn English Speaking with YouTube

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- I personally feel uncomfortable around conflict.
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- I personally feel uncomfortable around conflict.
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- Now, we're here today to find out how to argue.
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- But conflict is useful.
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The question is, how do you deal with conflict the most effectively?
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Here we go.
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I am author of Negotiating the Nonnegotiable: How to Resolve Your Most Emotionally-Charged Conflicts.
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Have you found yourself in an argument that felt so frustrating, so at a core aggravating?
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- That's the silliest opinion I've ever heard.
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- It felt just nonnegotiable?
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Well, congratulations, you're a human being.
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We all experience conflict in our lives, and seeing what's going on in our world today, my hunch is you were probably having at least one of these conflicts about politics.
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Our country has fallen into what I believe is a tribal trap.
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Anything that that other side says, I shall not believe, I shall not give any credibility to, and I'm gonna do everything I can to prove I'm right, you're wrong, and to stifle you down to raise me up.
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The problem is not with the what, what are we arguing about, the problem is with the how.
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- How should we argue?
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- How can we be more effective?
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And what I've found is that there are three big barriers that we can actually overcome to have more effective conversations.
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The big things, one, identity, two, appreciation, and three, affiliation.
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Let's start with identity.
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- Now, first of all, this is a hot issue.
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- Why do we get so emotional in these conflict situations?
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It often goes back to something deeper: identity.
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What are the core values, the core beliefs that are feeling threatened inside of you as you're having that conversation with the other side?
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The moment your identity gets hooked in these conflicts, all of a sudden your emotions become Boy, this is a wholly different conflict now.
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It's now your pride.
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Your sense of self is on the line.
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You need to know who you are and what you stand for.
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What are the values and beliefs that are driving me to fight for this stance on this issue?
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The more you understand who you are, the more you can try to get your purpose met and stay balanced, even when the other threatens those core values and beliefs.
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Each side wants to feel appreciated, and yet the last thing they wanna do is to appreciate the other side.
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That's a problem.
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- Listen and understand.
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- When you're in the midst of the conflict, don't talk.
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Take the first 10 minutes.
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Consciously listen to the other side.
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What's the value behind their perspective?
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What's the logic, the rationale?
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Why do they hold this perspective on immigration or healthcare?
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Once you truly understand and see the value in their perspective, let them know I hear where you're coming from, and you know what?
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That makes sense.
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There is nothing more in the world that we like than to feel appreciated.
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Recognize your power to appreciate them.
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Third, affiliation.
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What's the emotional connection like between you and the other side?
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We typically approach these conflict situations as me versus you.
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My opinion on healthcare versus yours, my party's perspectives on immigration versus yours.
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That's just gonna leave the two of you like rams butting heads.
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- Find common ground.
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- Turn that other person from an adversary into a partner, so it's no longer me versus you, but the two of us facing the same shared problem.
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Ask the other person, "Look, what's your advice "on how we can get as many of our interests met "at the same time?" Change the nature of your conversation.
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Now, you put these three things into practice, it can transform your relationships.
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Imagine what would happen if we started a revolution, but a positive revolution of greater understanding, greater appreciation, greater affiliation, how we could transform politics, how we could transform our country and ultimately our world.
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I believe it's possible, but it starts with each one of us.

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Why practice speaking with this video?

In the journey to improve English pronunciation and enhance communication skills, this video featuring Harvard negotiator Dan Shapiro offers invaluable insights on conflict resolution through effective dialogue. By examining how we argue, we learn to engage in conversations that resonate better with others. Practicing your speaking skills based on the content of this video not only boosts your proficiency but also helps you manage conflicts more constructively, an essential skill in any language. Approaching discussions with a focus on identity, appreciation, and affiliation empowers you to express yourself clearly and confidently.

Grammar & Expressions in Context

Dan Shapiro employs several key expressions that illustrate effective communication strategies. Here are a few examples:

  • "What’s your advice on how we can get as many of our interests met at the same time?" – This inquiry showcases the importance of collaboration by soliciting input from the other party, demonstrating effective questioning techniques.
  • "You know what? That makes sense." – Acknowledging the perspective of others fosters appreciation and promotes a positive conversational atmosphere.
  • "The moment your identity gets hooked in these conflicts." – This phrase emphasizes how deeply personal beliefs can influence arguments, which is crucial for learners to understand how emotions affect dialogue.
  • "We typically approach these conflict situations as me versus you." – This expression highlights the adversarial nature of disputes and serves as a reminder to seek common ground instead.

These structures will be beneficial for learners to practice in real-life situations where communication and understanding are essential.

Common Pronunciation Traps

As you engage with the video content, pay close attention to these potentially tricky words and phrases that could improve your English speaking practice:

  • “Appreciate” – Often mispronounced, ensure to stress the second syllable: ap-PRE-ci-ate.
  • “Identity” – Focus on the flow of the sounds, noting the “-denti-” portion, which can be challenging for some learners.
  • “Affiliation” – Break this word into syllables to master pronunciation: af-fi-LIA-tion.

Using a shadowing app while practicing these phrases can significantly enhance your shadow speech abilities, allowing you to mimic the nuances of pronunciation, intonation, and rhythm as demonstrated by Shapiro.

Incorporate these strategies and insights into your practice sessions to effectively elevate your English language skills.

What is the Shadowing Technique?

Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.

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