Shadowing Practice: How to Learn to Love Oneself More - Learn English Speaking with Video
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Every day, especially in the era of social media, from the mental health perspective, probably the single worst invention of modern times,
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we are likely to face enemies.
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People who disagree with us, people who tell us we're bad, people who say we should be ashamed of ourselves or even be destroyed.
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The common sense advice from well-meaning friends is just not to listen, to shrug it off, to assert that no one cares,
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that the bully is mad or mentally unwell and to suggest a change of scene.
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It is very kind and sadly, usually, for many of us, entirely ineffective.
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The question then emerges – why is it that some people find it extremely hard to defend themselves,
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either in the sense of practically answering back to an enemy
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or simply of not caving in internally in the face of an attack?
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Why is it that when they are being bullied at work, some people are able to mount a polite,
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calm fight back while others melt into self-loathing and despair?
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Why is it that if they are criticised unfairly in a romantic context, some people are able to point out that the criticism is not right
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and get their side of the story across and feel steady and solid while others descend at once into paranoia.
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We might put it like this – in order to be able to defend oneself against an external foe, one has to be on one's own side.
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And this is not, for some of us, as easy as it may sound.
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Without us necessarily even quite realising the fact, entire personalities may be geared towards interpreting ourselves as bad,
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wrong, a mistake, shameful and a piece of shit.
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This may sound dramatic and we know in our intellectual adult selves that this can't be entirely right.
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Nevertheless, deep down this isn't only slightly right, it's the fundamental truth about us.
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A first step towards dealing with an external enemy is realising
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that our personalities are built up in such a way
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that we're going to have a big problem on our hands whenever we face opposition.
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We should expect to find this hard, and we do.
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We are – and there is no pejorative association around this whatsoever – a bit mentally unwell in this area.
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We therefore need to call for help, extend a lot of compassion to ourselves and devote all the critical care we're going to need to get through the crisis.
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We then need to take on board
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that unfortunately the real enemy we're harbouring is not
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so much currently outside of us – though they are there too – as inside of us.
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We need to ask ourselves why does the accusation feel so true?
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Our conscious minds give us access to only a fraction of the information about us.
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Just as we can't intuitively understand how a cell operates in our very own body,
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so the make-up of most of our emotional brain is sunk in darkness.
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However, there will be a history to our self-loathing.
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We hate ourselves because somewhere along the line, we were not properly loved.
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Somewhere in the past, we heard a story, you're a piece of shit, you don't deserve to be F off and the story has stuck.
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How could someone facing an accusation that they are an idiot
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but who inside has a voice saying that they're a moron ever get the strength to defend themselves?
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They know in the adult part of the mind
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that they should be fighting back but they can't because inside all they hear is, you are everything your enemy is saying you are and more.
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They identify entirely with their aggressor.
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This can get pretty dangerous pretty fast.
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If the external enemy is vicious enough and joins artfully enough with the internal enemy, there can be suicidal thoughts and perhaps suicide itself.
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The defenceless are the opposite of self-righteous.
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To their enemies, they are implicitly saying, I want to kill myself more than you ever want to kill me.
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The solution to all this is a large, naive word we'll have heard before but which we need to grasp in its life-saving dimension – love.
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We need to hear often enough and clearly enough from other human beings –
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and they don't need to be romantic partners – that contrary to what the internal enemy is saying, we are decent enough, not perfect,
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but that isn't the criterion for deserving to exist.
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We need to fix ourselves by absorbing – properly absorbing – the kindness of others.
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The The problem is that people who feel their pieces of shit aren't very good at letting others take care of them.
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They don't know how to ask for help, and when help is given, they may initially push it away, accusing a kind friend of being weird or inadequate.
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Why, after all, would they be seeking to help a freak?
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We know from the condition known as body dysmorphia
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that it's no use telling someone who feels they're disgusting that they're in fact, oh, very nice looking.
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We need to help them to understand how they grew to hate themselves so much and show them,
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via friendship, that there could be another way of relating to who they are.
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We have some hints about how our minds work from the way we acquire language.
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Children fluently pick up incredibly complex patterns of speech from listening to those around them in the early years.
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A parallel emotional process is going on.
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If someone when we were little was speaking hate and shame and guilt to us, we will have started to speak like that to ourselves.
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And it won't be easy in adulthood to learn a new language, let alone to come to speak it fluently to ourselves.
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Telling someone mired in self-hatred to cheer up
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or like themselves a bit more is going to be as impatient as telling someone from England to just speak Bulgarian.
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It's going to take time and a lot of training.
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Nevertheless, if we want to think about what an ambitious project for humanity would look like,
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it would be a giant program of learning to replace the internalised languages of hate
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and enmity with those of love and compassion.
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We've been trying to do this for a couple of millennia at least, but we've done a pretty poor job of it so far and the project is more urgent than ever.
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So we might start today by speaking a few stumbling phrases of love to the self-hating part of ourselves
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and then to someone we know near us who's perhaps right now mired in shame and inadequacy.
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This video has 70 sentences and 1116 words to shadow. The speech runs for 6:47. The speaker talks at a natural 164 words per minute, close to everyday conversation. 86% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English; the rest is worth studying before you start.
Key vocabulary in this video
15 less common words from the video, with pronunciation and meaning:
- defend /dɪˈfɪnd/ (verb) — To ward off attacks against (something or someone).
- romantic /ɹoʊˈmæn(t)ɪk/ (adjective) — Fantastic, unrealistic (of an idea etc.); fanciful, sentimental, impractical (of a person).
- realise (verb) — Non-Oxford British standard spelling of realize.
- nevertheless /ˌnɛvɚðəˈlɛs/ (adverb) — In spite of what preceded; yet.
- mentally /ˈmɛntəli/ (adverb) — In a mental manner; an idea thought out in one's mind, as opposed to an idea spoken orally.
- compassion /kəmˈpæʃ.ən/ (noun) — Deep awareness of the suffering of others that people have to the point of them being motivated to relieve such states.
- bully /ˈbʊli/ (noun) — A person who is intentionally physically or emotionally cruel to others, especially to those whom they perceive as being vulnerable or of less power or…
- absorb /æbˈsɔɹb/ (verb) — To include so that it no longer has separate existence; to overwhelm; to cause to disappear as if by swallowing up; to incorporate; to assimilate; to take in…
- accusation /ˌæk.jʊˈzeɪ.ʃ(ə)n/ (noun) — The act of accusing.
- necessarily /ˌnɛs.əˈsɛɹ.ə.li/ (adverb) — Inevitably; of necessity.
- mount /maʊnt/ (verb) — To get upon; to ascend; to climb.
- gear /ɡɪɚ/ (noun) — Equipment or paraphernalia, especially that used for an athletic endeavor.
- dramatic /dɹəˈmætɪk/ (adjective) — Of or relating to the drama.
- decent /ˈdiː.sənt/ (adjective) — Appropriate; suitable for the circumstances.
- friendship /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/ (noun) — The condition of being friends.
Phrasal verbs you will hear
- fight back /faɪt bæk/ (verb) — To defend oneself by fighting.
- ask for (verb) — To request; to order.
- call for (verb) — To shout out in order to summon (a person).
- cheer up (verb) — To become happier or less downcast.
- deal with (verb) — To handle verbally or in some form of artistic expression; to address or discuss as a subject.
- get through /ɡɛt ˈθɹu/ (verb) — To overcome; to endure.
- go on /ˈɡoʊˌɒn/ (verb) — To continue in extent.
- pick up (verb) — To lift; to grasp and raise.
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 21 contractions and reduced forms, such as we're, can't, don't. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “th” sounds: nevertheless /ˌnɛvɚðəˈlɛs/, loathe /ˈloʊð/
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: compassion /kəmˈpæʃ.ən/, accusation /ˌæk.jʊˈzeɪ.ʃ(ə)n/, friendship /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/, conscious /ˈkɑn.ʃəs/, ashamed /əˈʃeɪmd/
- Long words — get the stress right: nevertheless /ˌnɛvɚðəˈlɛs/, accusation /ˌæk.jʊˈzeɪ.ʃ(ə)n/, necessarily /ˌnɛs.əˈsɛɹ.ə.li/, incredibly /ɪŋˈkɹɛdɪbli/, fundamental /ˌfʌn.dəˈmɛn.təl/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like defend, romantic, realise.
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | be destroyed · being bullied · are criticised |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | has stuck · have heard · have started |
| Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing | People who disagree · people who feel · someone who feels |
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.