跟读练习: 4 Small Things That Make People Feel Closer to You - 通过视频学习英语口语
选择练习模式
每种模式都会打开全屏练习室。
637 句
如果句子过短或过长，请点击 Edit 进行调整。
1
Hey, it's your friend
2
Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast.
3
I am thrilled that you're here.
4
I love the topic that we're going to talk about today.
5
It's always an honor to spend this time with you.
6
And if you're new or somebody shared this with you,
7
I just want to take a moment and personally welcome you to the Mel Robbins Podcast family.
8
Today, you're going to learn all about this one skill that makes everyone like you.
9
And I'm going to teach you four simple ways to practice it.
10
And so you're probably wondering, Mel, I'm in.
11
What is this magical skill?
12
What is the thing that makes other people like me?
13
The skill is empathy.
14
Hold on.
15
You didn't see that coming.
16
I don't want you to roll your eyes.
17
Do not turn off this episode.
18
I want you to learn this and I want you to really embrace the research that I am going to unpack.
19
So let's just start with the word empathy.
20
Because I have a feeling that like I used to,
21
maybe right now you don't really understand kind of what empathy is or how powerful of a skill it is in life.
22
Empathy is a skill that powerful people have.
23
Empathy is also not the same thing as feeling sorry for somebody, Because feeling sorry for somebody else,
24
depending upon the edge or the softness that it has, could either be sympathy or it could be pity.
25
That's not empathy.
26
Empathy is something else entirely.
27
But let's just talk common sense first.
28
I want you to think about your favorite person.
29
Who is the person that when you think about them, oh my God, you just love this person.
30
You have positive things to say.
31
You exhale.
32
Your shoulders relax.
33
You just really like this person.
34
I guarantee you the reason why you like this person is because when you're around them, you feel good about yourself.
35
When you're around them, they make you feel seen and heard, and they listen to what you have to say, and they're interested in your life.
36
That's why you like them, because of how they make you feel.
37
Remember the famous
38
Maya Angelou quote?
39
People do not remember what you do, they remember how you made them feel.
40
And empathy is the bridge between you and somebody else.
41
And the reason why you like other people is because other people make you feel good about you when you're around them.
42
And now I want to drop even deeper into why empathy is an actual superpower.
43
Empathy is not for people who are weak.
44
Empathy is one of the most influential skills on the planet.
45
And this is why I want you to really lean into this and practice this every single day because empathy, you're wired for this.
46
It is the closest thing you have to a superpower.
47
And the first reason why is it taps into this thing called the law of reciprocity.
48
What is the law of reciprocity?
49
Law of reciprocity is basically when you do something nice for others, they do something nice for you.
50
This has been studied extensively that there is a hardwired psychological impulse
51
for you to feel compelled to reciprocate whenever somebody does something nice for you.
52
Now, for example, if somebody opens up the door for you, you're walking into a building and somebody opens up the door,
53
what do you immediately feel like you need to do if there's a door in front of you?
54
Open it up for them.
55
You don't even think about it.
56
And so this law of reciprocity is hardwired in all of us.
57
And so empathy is the intentional leveraging of this tendency that we have.
58
And that's one of the benefits when you show up in a way where other people feel understood, seen, heard, and supported.
59
Because they want to give that back to you.
60
So that's the law of reciprocity.
61
that when you take the time to try to understand what somebody else is going through, it makes somebody feel good.
62
And that makes them feel connected to you.
63
That makes them like you.
64
And it makes them also want to return the favor because it's tapping into something that we all have called mirror neurons.
65
Now, mirror neurons, I can explain it to you in a very common sense way.
66
There's a reason why when you watch a movie and there's something super emotional happening,
67
and one of the main characters or anybody in the movie starts to cry and you feel yourself welling up,
68
your mirror neurons, watching somebody else experience emotion,
69
positive or negative, triggers your mirror neurons to have a similar reaction.
70
Neuroscientists often talk about mirror neurons as this neural bridge that connects you to other people.
71
The person who really changed how I think about empathy is Dr. Stuart Ablon.
72
Dr. Ablon is an award -winning psychologist.
73
He's a professor at Harvard Medical School.
74
He's the founder and director of a program at Mass General Hospital, the number one research hospital in the world.
75
It's called Think Kids.
76
He's been working and researching and helping kids for 30 years in his clinical practice.
77
And I asked him, I said, you know, Dr. Abilene, how do you think about the word empathy?
78
And his answer was incredibly simple.
79
He said one word, understanding, understanding.
80
Empathy is about understanding another person, what they're feeling, what their perspective is, what they're dealing with.
81
Before you judge, you jump in to fix, you give your opinion, or you, like, make up your mind about somebody.
82
And there's some good news here.
83
Because researchers at the University of Toronto studied opportunities to practice the skill of empathy in your everyday life
84
and they published these findings I'm about to share with you in the Journal of Psychological Science.
85
And they found that on average, you've got at least nine chances every day to practice the skill of empathy,
86
which is acting in a way that other people feel understood by you and cared for by you.
87
Now, some of these chances might be right in front of your face right now.
88
Empathy is the ability for you to meet people in the moments that matter to them.
89
whether they're hurting or they're happy, whether it's positive or negative.
90
And here's why this is so important.
91
Every single one of those little moments can make someone's life better.
92
And when you are able to leverage this skill of empathy in these moments, instead of snapping to judgment or avoiding people or missing the moment,
93
it makes your life better too.
94
And so let's talk about the four ways super simple that you can practice the skill of empathy every single day.
95
And this first one is ask.
96
Don't guess.
97
Don't guess how somebody's doing.
98
Ask.
99
And I'm going to be honest with you.
100
I got this wrong for most of my life.
101
See, I always thought empathy was the ability to step in someone's shoes
102
and kind of guess how they're feeling and that's how we're relating.
103
Turns out that's not what that means.
104
Thinking you know what somebody is feeling is the wrong way to approach this.
105
You need to stop guessing and start asking.
106
Ask more questions, listen more.
107
And you and I both do this.
108
We go through our life on autopilot.
109
We fill in the blanks about people all day long.
110
How many times have you chalked your partner's terrible mood up to something? what is their problem?
111
Why are they always like this?
112
Why are they taking their work stress out on me?
113
They clearly don't care.
114
Or somebody at work.
115
Somebody at work is not pulling their weight.
116
They miss a deadline.
117
They do something dumb that they normally do really well.
118
And then you think they don't care about this like I do.
119
Or your friend calls with fantastic news and you say, that's amazing.
120
And then you immediately switch topics to something else.
121
in all of those instances, you guessed.
122
You didn't ask a single question.
123
When you practice empathy, you do the opposite.
124
You stop and you ask.
125
And you're saying when you ask a question, well, tell me more about that.
126
You know, you don't seem like yourself.
127
What's going on?
128
You know, normally you don't miss these things.
129
Like, is everything okay?
130
Like, you don't seem like yourself.
131
You know, we have a producer here who once had this editor that was falling short at work.
132
Like, all of a sudden, the work product was falling off and it wasn't like them.
133
And then they started showing up late.
134
The editing was sloppy.
135
He wasn't delivering.
136
What do you do?
137
You ask, is everything okay?
138
You don't seem like yourself.
139
Everything okay?
140
Turns out, everything wasn't okay.
141
He had been taking care of his sick mom.
142
He was shuttling her to doctor's appointments, and he was trying to manage all of that on top of a full -time, fast -paced job.
143
And now that our producer stopped and asked, not guessed, asked, because when you guess, you say, I guess you don't care.
144
When you ask, you go, oh my gosh, you got a lot going on.
145
And now you know the situation.
146
And now you're practicing empathy and you can figure out a better way to move forward.
147
Empathy is not stepping in someone else's shoes.
148
Empathy is not mind reading.
149
Empathy is pausing long enough to ask the question.
150
that's why you ask, because you can't guess how somebody else is feeling.
151
And I'm going to just say it again.
152
I got this wrong for a very long time because I, especially as a young parent, thought I could just understand how my kid was feeling.
153
And I remember I've shared this a lot on the podcast because it was an incredibly challenging and heartbreaking time.
154
Our son was in the fourth grade.
155
He was struggling in school it's almost like you could see the light dimming inside your kid.
156
And we were just beginning to understand that he had dyslexia and dysgraphia and executive functioning issues and ADHD.
157
He felt like an outsider.
158
And, you know, as his mom, what do you do?
159
Well, when you see your kid struggling or you see somebody that you love struggling, those mirror neurons, they go right off.
160
You start to struggle too.
161
You start to worry.
162
And so I did what I always do when I'm scared.
163
You know what I am?
164
I'm a bulldozer.
165
I go right into problem solving mode.
166
What do we need to do?
167
Who do we need to call?
168
What is the plan?
169
How do we fix this?
170
And in my mind, I think I'm helping.
171
I love you, Oakley.
172
I'm worried about you.
173
I see a problem on the surface, so I'm just gonna jump in and solve it.
174
But the attempt to try to help just made things worse.
175
And I'm sure you've done the same thing.
176
And I skipped over the most important thing that my son needed.
177
He wasn't a problem to be solved.
178
He was a human being who needed to feel understood.
179
And what I needed to do or could have done
180
and what I hope you will do and what I'm gonna do now is, don't guess, don't just jump in, stop and ask.
181
I wish I would have sat down with him, even in fourth grade, and said, honey, I can see that this is really hard.
182
Can you help me understand what's hard?
183
What's the hardest part for you?
184
What do you think all the adults are missing.
185
What is this actually like for you?
186
I mean, just think about how different that feels on the receiving end.
187
Rather than adults running around going, I know what you need.
188
Instead, I'm saying, hey, you're not alone in this.
189
And I really want to understand what this is like for you.
190
It shifts everything.
191
It creates connection.
192
It makes somebody feel safe.
193
And now, whenever I'm in a situation where I don't know how to help somebody, I don't jump into fixing.
194
And I don't guess.
195
I ask, help me understand.
196
And it's not just for the hard moments.
197
Help me understand.
198
Tell me more matters when life is going really well too.
199
We miss these moments all the time.
200
When somebody you love is excited, oh my gosh, they got a good grade.
201
They got asked out on a date.
202
They won some award.
203
They had a really good day at work.
204
They posted that video they'd been procrastinating on for three weeks.
205
Don't just say great and move on and start cooking dinner.
206
Pause.
207
Tell me more.
208
That's awesome.
209
Wow.
210
What did that feel like?
211
Because you don't have to care about the thing as much as they do, but you care about them,
212
which is why you care that it matters to them.
213
That's empathy.
214
You know, people don't only want company and support in their pain.
215
They want company in their joy.
216
And underneath it all, when you make somebody's joy even bigger, you know what you're saying?
217
You're saying you matter to me and your happiness matters to me too.
218
So that's the first step.
219
The next time you're around somebody and they're either feeling a little low or they're feeling something good, don't guess.
220
Ask.
221
And after you ask the question, really listen.
222
And don't worry about what you're going to say next because your goal is just to be there and to understand.
223
Now let's talk about the second way you're going to practice this skill of empathy in your everyday life.
224
I wrote about this in the Let Them Theory book.
225
I call it go first.
226
Don't sit around and wait for other people.
227
You go first.
228
You be the one to reach out.
229
If you're anything like me, when somebody comes to your mind, you think, okay, oh yeah, Jesse, I really should text Jesse.
230
I wonder how that appointment went.
231
I should call my dad.
232
I should congratulate him.
233
Oh my gosh, I haven't seen her forever.
234
We really should get together.
235
And then what happens?
236
You have the best of intentions, but then you get distracted
237
Or you think, oh, well, it's like 3 .15 and I only have five minutes before I pull into the grocery store
238
and that's not enough time to talk to somebody.
239
So I'm not going to call them.
240
I don't want to bother them right now.
241
They're at the hospital and, you know, I don't want to be those people that's a real burden.
242
They're probably busy.
243
I'm sure somebody else has already checked in on them.
244
You know, it's been so long.
245
Wouldn't it be weird if I just reached out right now out of the blue,
246
even though they popped into my mind and that's sort of a sign that I should go first?
247
So then you don't.
248
And I want to be honest about something.
249
Sending the text isn't hard.
250
Picking up the phone and making a call, that's not hard.
251
It's the moment right before you're about to do it.
252
And how you start wondering, what is it going to feel like? is this going to be awkward, unwanted?
253
Am I going to interrupt them?
254
Am I bothering them?
255
Are they going to be weird? Should I call them?
256
But thinking about someone is not the same thing as showing them that you're thinking of them.
257
Because your sister can't feel that text you never sent.
258
Your college roommate can't hear the compliment that you kept in your head.
259
your husband doesn't feel the care that comes from saying, hey, you don't seem like yourself.
260
Did you have a hard day?
261
Tell me what's going on.
262
They don't know you were thinking about calling as you were driving to the grocery store.
263
So thinking doesn't count.
264
And if you have trouble with this, you're not alone.
265
If you're one of those people that has really good intentions, but it never translates to action, I want you to hear from Dr. Adam Grant.
266
Dr. Adam Grant is an organizational psychologist, best -selling author.
267
He is the youngest ever tenured professor at the Wharton School of Business in their history.
268
He's also been their top -rated professor for the last seven years.
269
He's written six
270
New York Times best -selling books all about motivation, hidden potential, relationships, influence.
271
And he appeared on this podcast, the Mel Robbins podcast, and explained this beautiful concept called pebbling.
272
And I love this concept, and I want you to learn about it because I know it's going to stick with you.
273
And because there's this visual thing, the next time you think of somebody,
274
it'll motivate you to do something and go first and make them feel it.
275
I love pebbling.
276
Pebbling, the origin of the term is there are some penguins that when they're courting mates,
277
they will present smooth, shiny pebbles as a way of showing, you know, basically they're suitable for partnering and building a nest together.
278
It's a little gesture that says, hey, I might be for you.
279
The modern digital equivalent of pebbling is sending other people memes, links, reels, and articles.
280
Pebbling is not about spamming people with random junk from the internet.
281
It's about carefully choosing a little bit of information that you know is going to resonate with somebody else and it says,
282
I thought of you, I know you, I see you.
283
Every pebble is a bid for connection.
284
There have been now multiple studies which show that after you meet somebody new, if a week or a month later,
285
you send them a little pebble and you say, hey, I saw this meme of Macaulay Culkin wearing a shirt with Ryan Gosling on it.
286
And then Ryan Gosling wore a shirt of Macaulay Culkin wearing the Ryan Gosling shirt.
287
And I know this is your jam.
288
This is your kind of humor.
289
It just reminded me of you instantly.
290
That person will feel closer to you because you got them, right?
291
You remember their unique sense of humor.
292
And I think that that's a great way to strengthen a bond.
293
It's also a great way to get back in touch with someone.
294
You reach out to somebody who's called a dormant tie, somebody you haven't talked to in two years, five years, maybe a decade or more.
295
And you say, I just finished the new season of Ted Lasso.
296
And there is an episode that has you written all over it.
297
And that person really feels like, wow, first of all, I can't believe you remembered my taste in TV.
298
So you've done a memory flex.
299
You have said, hey, guess what?
300
I cared enough about you to pay attention to you, but you've also now created a reason to reconnect.
301
I'll give you an example of pebbling in my life.
302
When my husband buys me the cheapest bouquet of grocery store flowers,
303
I'm talking like the $5 bouquet, the little like tiny looking thing that everybody's ignoring.
304
And he brings it home
305
and puts it just in a mason jar on the island in the kitchen and I see it because what I know...
306
is that he cared enough about me and was thinking about me while he was out running an errand.
307
And he remembered that I love flowers, no matter what they are.
308
And he took an action to show me that.
309
A lot of us go to the grocery store and think about buying the flowers.
310
That doesn't count.
311
You are not practicing empathy if you're just thinking about what you could do.
312
You need to make it physical.
313
You need to have that little pebble because the pebble itself is evidence.
314
It's an action that you cared enough to pay attention to the other person, even if it's a dumb meme.
315
I remember that you like this thing.
316
I remember that we laughed about this two years ago.
317
And one of the biggest reasons why we don't do more pebbling, why we don't go first, is because, believe it or not,
318
a lot of you think that that gesture is not going to be met with warmth and with, like, appreciation.
319
And if you're thinking that, that you're feeling a little weird about pebbling or sending that text or, you know, making the first gesture going first,
320
I want to share some research out of Stanford that tells you you're wrong.
321
Researchers studied more than 5 ,000 undergraduate students and they found something they call the empathy perception gap.
322
Basically, that a lot of us walk around and we underestimate how caring, supportive, and appreciative everybody else is gonna be.
323
I'm gonna give you an example.
324
Students guessed that about maybe 87 % of their peers would help somebody who was having a hard time.
325
But when students were asked whether or not they themselves would help, 96 % of people said yes.
326
So what happens if you start to believe that like you, 96 % of people are warm,
327
caring, empathetic, and understanding and would love to talk to you?
328
Well, the students started reaching out more.
329
They began to go first.
330
And guess what happened?
331
Months later, their social networks had expanded.
332
They were more likable, like all the things that we're talking about.
333
So let's bottom line this research.
334
the thing standing between you and more connection in your life more likability is not
335
that people don't care about you it's
336
that everybody is waiting for someone else to do it first be
337
that somebody this is why i say empathy is for winners
338
empathy is for the strong empathy is for people who are influential empathy means you go first
339
and the next time somebody pops into your mind, send them a pebble.
340
You know what to do.
341
And if somebody tells you something important that's happening on Thursday, put a little something in your calendar and wish them luck on Thursday.
342
If they have a surgery next week on Tuesday, set a reminder and text them.
343
If you see somebody who looks like they could use a friendly face, just say hello, smile.
344
If you hear good news about somebody, tell them you're happy for them.
345
And I want you, as you start to practice the second aspect of the skill of empathy, empathy and action.
346
I want you to notice something.
347
Notice what happens when you start living this way, because it changes everything.
348
First of all, it changes you, because now you're practicing empathy and action.
349
You're the one giving the pebbles, but it also changes how people feel about you,
350
because when you give somebody that pebble or that flowers or that meme, they feel remembered.
351
They feel included.
352
They feel celebrated.
353
They feel less alone.
354
Have you ever texted somebody who's like, hey, yeah, I remember today's such and such.
355
It's your big job interview.
356
And they're like, really?
357
Thank you.
358
You remembered?
359
Wow.
360
And if you've ever had somebody do that for you, you're like, whoa, you were thinking of me?
361
Isn't it sad that we all walk around thinking people don't care about us?
362
Isn't it sad that we walk around thinking other people are not warm and kind and appreciative?
363
And here we all are isolated, wanting the same thing.
364
We want to feel understood and seen and celebrated.
365
Now, the third way that you're going to practice empathy is I call this paper plates.
366
Drop off paper plates.
367
Let me explain what I mean by that.
368
So there was this extraordinary expert that we had on the podcast a few years ago.
369
You may remember her.
370
She's a licensed clinical therapist and a best -selling author, and her name is K .C.
371
Davis.
372
And she came on to share simple little things that improve your life.
373
And one of the best pieces of advice that she shared was what to do to help a struggling friend.
374
And this advice inspired me so much.
375
It has changed the way that I show up for people in my life who are struggling.
376
So let me tell you first what I used to do before Casey Davis taught me this paper plate trick.
377
What I used to do when somebody was struggling
378
or going through a hard time or they were telling me
379
that they were going through something hard is I would be like, oh my gosh, you know, I'm really sorry that that's happening.
380
That that really is awful.
381
How can I support you?
382
or you send somebody a text.
383
Oh, I heard about, you know, this thing that happened.
384
What do you need?
385
And what Casey Davis taught me is something I want you to steal.
386
When somebody that you love is struggling, do not ask them what they need.
387
Yes, you can ask them questions about how they're feeling.
388
Tell me more about that.
389
Help me understand what's going on.
390
When you ask somebody who's struggling, well, what do you need?
391
You know, just tell me what I can do to support you.
392
Most people are like, I don't even know what day it is.
393
And here's what Casey Davis says.
394
Paper plates.
395
Just drop off paper plates, plastic cups, plastic utensils, because you know what?
396
The last thing a person needs is a sink full of dishes when they're going through a hard time.
397
And those paper plates and those disposable cups and those disposable utensils,
398
You know what that says if you open up your door and you see that on a porch with a lovely note?
399
It's not even a pebble.
400
It's kind of like a giant boulder of love.
401
It literally says, I care about you.
402
I don't know what to do, so I'm doing this.
403
When somebody drops off a casserole after you've had a baby, what does it say?
404
Oh my gosh, wow, they're thinking of me.
405
That's it.
406
When somebody shows up, if you're really struggling and they just clean your kitchen or they do your laundry.
407
You know, I was really, really sick this summer.
408
And my husband and I have this annual thing where lots of his college friends who I just love come into town.
409
And I was in bed all weekend while we had 14 people here.
410
All couples, amazing people, many of whom were in our wedding 30 years ago and I was in bed sick.
411
And let me tell you something, not once did anyone come into the bedroom and go, what can I do to support you?
412
Instead, they cleaned the house, they cooked all the meals, they walked the dogs.
413
It was like the best weekend you could possibly be sick because they just took care of everything.
414
And in taking care of everything, I didn't have to ask and that's why the third way you can practice empathy,
415
you can display it, it's empathy through action,
416
is put yourself in a similar situation and think,
417
what could I do that would demonstrate support without asking them what they need?
418
And maybe that just looks like showing up and sitting with them.
419
The other thing I love about paper plates is it asks you to do something different than you normally do.
420
You're coming to the person with open arms
421
and you're giving the person in front of you the response
422
or the support that truly sees and helps them without asking them for anything in return.
423
One of the best examples of this I have ever heard came from the late
424
Judge Frank Caprio.
425
Now, you might remember him as America's nicest judge, and his kindness in his Rhode Island courtroom made him a
426
viral sensation with millions of people following him from around the world.
427
And I feel so honored
428
that I got to sit down with Judge Caprio just a few months before he passed away at 88 years old.
429
And during our conversation, I asked him about his very first day as a judge in municipal court,
430
where most of the people coming in before him are dealing with everyday things like parking fines, traffic violations.
431
And something happened on that very first day on the bench that totally changed the way that
432
Judge Caprio treated people for the next 30 years.
433
Here is Judge Frank Caprio on the Mel Robbins podcast.
434
Take a listen.
435
I get a bunch of, no, I'm a judge.
436
I got the robe, right?
437
I'm going to go.
438
I'm the boss.
439
I'm going to sit on the bench and this is it now.
440
I have arrived.
441
So I said to my father, I said, Dad, my first day on the bench, he said, I'll come down and walk.
442
I said, good, come down.
443
I'll offer you to come down.
444
So I'm there and I am really full of myself.
445
I'm a judge now, look at me.
446
You know, all rise, please.
447
Everybody rises and so forth.
448
It's so crazy.
449
So this woman, she owed, she had a boot on her car.
450
I don't know what she owed, a couple hundred dollars in tickets, and she couldn't pay them.
451
So I said, well, if you don't pay it, I'm not going to take the boot off the car.
452
And she says, I just don't have the money.
453
I don't have the money, and I have four kids.
454
It's my first day on the bench.
455
No one's going to bully me around, right?
456
So I says, well, you owe the money, and if you don't, we're going to leave the boot on the car.
457
She said, I don't have the money.
458
I have to get my kids to school.
459
So I said, I'm sorry.
460
continue the case.
461
We'll give you a couple of days to come in, right?
462
My father's in the courtroom.
463
After court's over, my father comes into the chambers.
464
I'm so happy.
465
He said, Dad, how did it go?
466
He said, how did it go?
467
How could you do that?
468
How could I do what?
469
He said, Frank, she had four kids.
470
Now, suppose she can't feed the kids tonight if she paid those tickets.
471
She says, no, she doesn't have a car.
472
She can't drive them to school.
473
What are you doing?
474
You weren't brought up that way.
475
My first day on the court set the tone of my judgeship of over 30 years.
476
After that, I took everybody's personal situation into consideration in the imposition of a sentence.
477
This woman, she was insulting to begin with, But you have to overcome that.
478
Because she was scared.
479
And she was scared to death, right?
480
Yes.
481
As my father said.
482
Well, I think she was a gift to you because you write in this book on page 110, the lesson was
483
that being a judge is much more about the person in front of you than it is about the law.
484
Since then, I've always tried to find out what was really going on with the person,
485
and I always considered how my ruling would impact not only them, but their whole family.
486
Right.
487
Those aren't only words.
488
I did that.
489
That right there is a lesson.
490
I've always tried to find out what was really going on with the person.
491
And I want you to take a moment right now and think about what could you do
492
that would really demonstrate to somebody that you care.
493
Like, think about somebody in your life.
494
Maybe it's somebody you're worried about.
495
Maybe it's somebody going through a hard time.
496
Maybe it's somebody that just had something amazing happen and you didn't comment on their post celebrating it.
497
What could you do that could make somebody else feel understood, supported, and seen?
498
That's empathy in action.
499
And it doesn't have to be complicated.
500
If somebody has their hands full, hold the door
501
if your co -worker is buried take something off their to -do list if your kid is crushed
502
because they didn't make the team sit with them sit and before you start talking and coaching and advising and consoling
503
ask them how they're doing
504
don't wait for them to reach out for support show up bring the paper plates
505
that's it when you feel that somebody could use support, provide the support.
506
And that brings me to the fourth simple way that you will become more likable and you are demonstrating empathy.
507
And by the way, this one's my favorite.
508
Keep on waving.
509
Let me explain.
510
The energy you put out is the energy you get back.
511
And the empathy that you display is the empathy and understanding support that you get back.
512
The wave that you extend to the neighbor is the wave that you receive in return.
513
And isn't it funny?
514
Someone has to wave first.
515
But once you wave, most people wave back.
516
And I have to tell you this story that was reported on by Steve Hartman at CBS News.
517
Now, if you don't know Steve, he hosts these incredible segments.
518
I love these segments.
519
They're called On the Road.
520
And in the segment, Steve travels around the country telling stories just about ordinary people doing extraordinary things
521
And oftentimes, it's the simplest things that are extraordinary.
522
They're the kinds of stories that remind you of the best in people.
523
Now, this particular story that I fell in love with, I sent this to so many people.
524
It was so beautiful.
525
It's about a four -year -old boy in Concord, North Carolina named Roman.
526
Roman loves people.
527
In fact, Roman had this habit of standing outside, all, you know, in his front yard, waving to his neighbors.
528
He waves to people walking by.
529
He says hello.
530
He just keeps going first.
531
He just keeps waving over and over.
532
I see you.
533
I'm waving at you.
534
I'm smiling at you.
535
And there's a reason why.
536
Waving at people mattered so much to him.
537
Four -year -old Roman was lonely.
538
His parents had separated.
539
His dad had moved to Florida.
540
His grandparents lived out of state.
541
But Roman, Roman just kept on waving.
542
And eventually, one of his neighbors, a senior citizen named Wade, noticed this little boy across the street who was always waving.
543
And one day, you know what Wade did?
544
Wade walked over and introduced himself and here's where the story gets beautiful.
545
Roman kept waving and Wade, who by the way, kind of looks like
546
Santa Claus, kept crossing the street and visiting and they started spending time together.
547
And then guess what happened?
548
As Roman kept waving, other senior citizens that lived on the street, other neighbors, started waving back.
549
And then they started showing up at Roman's house.
550
And then you know what Roman did?
551
He started inviting him to his soccer games.
552
And you know what they did?
553
They came.
554
And they came to his swimming lessons and to his open house at school and his birthday party.
555
And suddenly you see what's happening.
556
Roman kept waving and Wade kept coming back and Roman kept inviting people in and the neighbors kept showing up.
557
And now Roman isn't lonely because he has this posse of adopted grandparents that were all neighbors,
558
that nobody knew each other.
559
And here's the thing that's interesting about this.
560
Nobody did some big, enormous, heroic thing.
561
Nothing.
562
It all started with a simple wave and Roman, this little boy who'd been feeling lonely,
563
suddenly had an entire family he had created.
564
Roman's mom said his loneliness was gone.
565
But here's the important thing.
566
Was Roman the only person whose life was changed?
567
No. Simply by waving, by demonstrating empathy, I see you over there.
568
I want to say hello to you.
569
You matter to me.
570
By simply doing
571
that, he wound up bringing together a dozen neighbors who have all said they would have barely known one another otherwise.
572
Don't you love that?
573
The little boy who needed a community helped create one.
574
And now Roman's got all these like chosen grandparents in his life and these people get each other.
575
That's the power of what we're talking about.
576
And it starts with the smallest thing, a wave, because that's how connection is built.
577
It's not through some of these big things that you're sitting around waiting to do.
578
It's through all the little moments right in front of you where you demonstrate to someone else, I see you.
579
I remember.
580
What matters to you matters to me.
581
And I want you to think about the person in your life who's done that for you.
582
The friend who remembers the appointment you mentioned three weeks ago.
583
The barista who always asks you about your kids and they remember them by name.
584
The sibling who knows an anniversary is going to be hard this year.
585
How does that person make you feel?
586
You like that person, don't you?
587
You trust them.
588
You feel kind of close to them.
589
Maybe even tell them things.
590
You like that they're in your life and your day is better because of them.
591
And the reason why your day is better
592
and the reason why you like them is because they are demonstrating empathy to you.
593
And now you know that you can demonstrate empathy to them.
594
In fact, you can do it to anyone.
595
If you practice these four simple ways to build the skill and demonstrate the skill of empathy in your life,
596
I promise you, you are going to see a difference everywhere.
597
I think it's pretty clear why people are going to like you.
598
Because when you show up in life this way
599
and you stop guessing and you ask people what's going on and how they're doing, when you're the one that's going first,
600
when you bring the paper plates and show up with the support without being asked, when you keep on waving,
601
people like you because they like how you make them feel.
602
And that's why this works.
603
Do not underestimate how much power you have in these tiny moments.
604
And remember the research.
605
The research says that you and I get about nine of these every single day.
606
Nine chances to make someone else feel like they matter.
607
Nine chances to.. expand the joy that somebody feels.
608
Nine chances to offer support and give support to somebody who's feeling alone.
609
Empathy is something you give to another person,
610
and in return, you feel better about yourself and you have better relationships because every time you make somebody else feel seen,
611
understood, supported, celebrated, or remembered, oh my gosh, you will get that back
612
because it's not about what you're doing it's how you make people feel
613
and empathy is the skill that helps you make other people feel good about themselves
614
and when other people feel good about themselves
615
because of you they like you a lot
616
so start practicing those four simple things every single day because what I've learned about the skill of empathy
617
is it's not just about what it does for the other person.
618
It will come back a hundredfold to you as well.
619
And the better you get at this, the more that you practice these four simple things,
620
the more you're gonna like yourself and the more other people are gonna like you too.
621
And in case no one else tells you this today as your friend, I wanted to be sure to tell you that I love you
622
and I believe in you and I believe in your ability to create a better life
623
and one of the simplest ways to create a better life
624
is to start creating better moments with the people who are already in it.
625
Alrighty, I'll see you in the very next episode.
626
I'm gonna welcome you in the moment you hit play.
627
Alrighty, thank you for watching all the way to the end here at YouTube.
628
And I know you're the kind of person that loves supporting other people.
629
And one way that you could support me and everybody here at the show is if that subscribe button is lit up, just hit subscribe.
630
It's like a pebble.
631
It tells us, wow, you really appreciate all of this incredible free content that's here with one mission to help you make your life better.
632
Alrighty, thank you for doing that.
633
I really appreciate it.
634
So does the team here.
635
And I know you want to watch another episode.
636
You're going to love this one.
637
And I'll welcome you in the moment you hit play.
同频道
B21
This 5 Second Trick Helps You Get MORE Done By Doing LESS | Mel Robbins
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B21
How to Stop Being Overlooked & Start Getting What You Want With Top Business School Professor
Business EnglishInterview EnglishWorking Adults
B11
9 Small Things That Will Help You Feel Amazing Again
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B22
Reinvent Yourself At Any Age: Ina Garten Shares the Secret to Transforming Your Life
Business EnglishDaily ConversationWorking Adults
B2ADHD Is Not A Superpower | Mel Robbins #shorts
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B22
The Single Biggest Financial Decision | Mel Robbins #shorts
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B22
The Best Relationship Advice I've Ever Heard | Mel Robbins #shorts
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B11
If You Feel Stuck, Watch THIS To Manifest Your Dream Life
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B226
You're Not Responsible for Fixing Other People | Mel Robbins #Shorts
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B23
Do You Always Procrastinate? This Trick Will End That Habit Once And For All | Mel Robbins
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
C12
The First Step Back To A Purposeful Life | Mel Robbins #shorts
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B21
Would You Want Your Kids To Have Your Marriage? | Mel Robbins #shorts
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B217
Let Them Be Who They Are | Mel Robbins #Shorts
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
C122
Doing Hard Things Rewires Your Brain | Mel Robbins #shorts
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C14
Hesitation is ruining your life | Mel Robbins #Shorts
Business EnglishInterview EnglishWorking Adults
B26
The 2 questions you need to ask yourself right now | Mel Robbins #Shorts
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B19
Other People's Behavior | Mel Robbins #shorts
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
C111
This Is The Type of Job You Should Quit | Mel Robbins "Work It Out"
Business EnglishWorking Adults
C11
Doing Hard Things Rewires Your Brain | Mel Robbins #shorts
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B11
How to recover from rejection | Mel Robbins #shorts
Business EnglishTeensDaily Conversation
FOR YOU
推荐视频
B21
188 句
How to Build Charisma and Aura
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
C12
67 句
Why I’m against empathy | Paul Bloom
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B2307 句
Friendship Skills For People Who Didn't Learn This At Home
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
C12
23 句
We Need HUMAN SKILLS | Simon Sinek
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B22
321 句
A Love That Exceeded Every Expectation | {THE AND} Nandi & Connor
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B21
296 句
Ep #450: Embrace Your Negative Parts
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B22
290 句
This 1 Skill Will Be A GAMECHANGER For Your Life | Mel Robbins Podcast Clips
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B260
11 句
Mel Robbins Reminder You NEED To Hear Everyday | Motivational Video
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B2292
12 句
Emotional Intelligence: The Power of Understanding Over Ego
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B22
627 句
And You'll Never Let Anyone Stress You Out Again | Mel Robbins
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
本课的词汇与口语要点
这节口语课以视频“4 Small Things That Make People Feel Closer to You”为素材。 这段视频共有 637 个句子、6792 个单词可供跟读。 讲话部分时长为 42:06。 说话人语速自然，每分钟约 161 个词，接近日常对话。 87% 的单词属于英语最常用的 3,000 词，词汇容易理解。
视频中的重点词汇
视频中 15 个值得学习的单词，附发音和释义：
| 单词 | 发音 | 释义 |
|---|---|---|
| empathy 名词 | /ˈɛmpəθi/ | 移情, 同感 |
| skill 名词 | /skɪl/ | 技巧, 技能 |
| demonstrate 动词 | /ˈdɛm.ənˌstɹeɪt/ | 论证 |
| podcast 名词 | /ˈpɑdˌkæst/ | 播客 |
| mirror 名词 | /ˈmiɹɚ/ | җинзы, 鏡 /镜 |
| gosh | /ɡɑːʃ/ | 唉, 啊呀 |
| bench 名词 | /ˈbɛnt͡ʃ/ | 長椅 /长椅 |
| everyday 形容词 | /ˈɛvɹiˌdeɪ/ | 日常的 |
| lesson 名词 | /ˈlɛs.ən/ | 課業 /课业, -課 /-课 |
| solve 动词 | /sɒlv/ | 解決 /解决 |
| extraordinary 形容词 | /ɪksˈtɹɔːrdɪn(ə)ɹi/ | 非凡, 了不起 |
| segment 名词 | /ˈsɛɡmɛnt/ | 片斷 /片断, 段 |
| lonely 形容词 | /ˈloʊnli/ | 寂寞, 孤獨 /孤独 |
| boot 名词 | /but/ | 靴子, 長靴 /长靴 |
| meme 名词 | /miːm/ | 模因, 迷迷 |
视频中出现的短语动词
| 单词 | 释义 |
|---|---|
| go through 动词 | 通過 /通过 |
| show up 动词 | 露面 |
| come down 动词 | 下來 /下来, 降 |
| drop off 动词 | 掉落, 落下 |
| come back 动词 | 回來 /回来, 返回 |
| find out 动词 | 找出, 查明 |
| turn out 动词 | 原來 /原来 |
| bring up 动词 | 撫養 /抚养, 養大 /养大 |
值得反复跟读的句子
视频中简短而完整的句子，可以直接用在日常对话里：
- Abilene, how do you think about the word empathy?
- You ask, is everything okay?
- Can you help me understand what's hard?
- What's the hardest part for you?
- You like that person, don't you?
视频中的语法
说话人最常用的结构，并附上视频中的原话：
| 结构 | 视频中的用法 |
|---|---|
| “used to” used to + 动词 — 过去的习惯或状态，现在已不再如此 | used to do |
| 现在完成时 have/has + 过去分词 — 过去发生但与现在仍有关联的事 | has been studied · have called · I've shared |
| 被动语态 be + 过去分词 — 强调发生了什么，而不是谁做的 | has been studied · is hardwired · be solved |
| 定语从句 who / which + 从句 — 补充说明人或事物 | people who are · person who really · somebody who was |
需要注意的发音
说话人用了 200 次缩略和弱读形式，例如 don't, you're, I'm。请按听到的简短形式来说。
- “th” 音: empathy /ˈɛmpəθi/, smooth /smuːð/, bother /ˈbɑðɚ/, underneath /ˌʌndɚˈniθ/, strengthen /ˈstɹɛŋ(k)θən/
- “sh” 和 “zh” 音: gosh /ɡɑːʃ/, intentions /ɪnˈtɛnʃənz/, influential /ɪnflʊˈɛnʃəl/, consideration /kənˌsɪd.əˈɹeɪ.ʃən/, motivation /ˈmoʊ.tə.veɪ.ʃən/
- 长单词——注意重音位置: extraordinary /ɪksˈtɹɔːrdɪn(ə)ɹi/, incredibly /ɪŋˈkɹɛdɪbli/, psychological /ˌsaɪ.kəˈlɑː.d͡ʒɪ.kl̩/, influential /ɪnflʊˈɛnʃəl/, psychologist /ˌsaɪˈkɑl.ə.d͡ʒɪst/
中文母语者容易读错的音：
- /v/ — 不要读成 /w/，上齿轻触下唇: everyday /ˈɛvɹiˌdeɪ/, solve /sɒlv/, invite /ɪnˈvaɪt/, overcome /ˌəʊ.vəˈkʌm/, motivation /ˈmoʊ.tə.veɪ.ʃən/
- 词尾辅音 — 要读清楚，后面不要加元音: demonstrate /ˈdɛm.ənˌstɹeɪt/, podcast /ˈpɑdˌkæst/, gosh /ɡɑːʃ/, bench /ˈbɛnt͡ʃ/, solve /sɒlv/
- /r/ 和 /l/ 的区别: incredibly /ɪŋˈkɹɛdɪbli/, carefully /ˈkɛɹf(ə)li/, relax /ɹɪˈlæks/, relate /ɹɪˈleɪt/, viral /ˈvaɪɹəl/
如何用这段视频练习
- 先完整听一遍视频，不要开口，记下不认识的单词。
- 先用 0.75 倍速逐句跟读，熟练之后再回到正常速度。
- 录下自己的声音并与原声对比，特别注意 empathy, skill, demonstrate 这类单词。
什么是跟读法？
跟读法 (Shadowing) 是一种有科学依据的语言学习技巧，最初开发用于专业口译员的培训，并由多语言者Alexander Arguelles博士普及。这个方法简单而强大：您在听英语母语原声的同时立即大声重复——就像是一个延迟1-2秒紧跟说话者的影子。与被动听力或语法练习不同，跟读法强迫您的大脑和口腔肌肉同时处理并模仿真实的讲话模式。研究表明它能显着提高发音准确性，语调，节奏，连读，听力理解和口语流利度——使其成为雅思口语备考和真实英语交流最有效的方法之一。