ฝึกพูดภาษาอังกฤษด้วยเทคนิค Shadowing จากวิดีโอ: Jimmy O. Yang's Best Dad Stories

Eventually I became a good Asian American and I went to school to get an economics degree.

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Eventually I became a good Asian American and I went to school to get an economics degree.

Because that was the easiest degree that can still appease my Asian parents.

But then after I graduated,

I didn't want to do like econ or finance.

So I went up to my dad,

I was like, dad, I don't want to do any of this.

I want to go try and do stand-up.

And he's like, what's a stand-up?

You mean like a talk show?

I was like, yeah, sure,

talk show, whatever you want to call it, okay?

but I want to go pursue my dreams." And he was like,

No. Pursuing your dreams is how you become homeless.

I was like, No, no,

dad, dad, things are different now.

We're in America, okay?

In America, we're supposed to do what we love.

He was like, No. Everyone does what they hate for money and use the money to do what they love.

That's that old school Chinese mentality, right?

I don't know if you guys know this,

but I came from an acting family.

But it's not really like Angelina Jolie and Jon Voight.

I guess I'll be Angelina Jolie in that equation.

My dad is also an actor,

but he started acting after I did.

Because he was like, it's so easy, you can do it.

I can.

I'm like, that, fine.

If you think my life's so easy,

why don't you go to some open call auditions and you understand how hard it is,

how much rejection I face every day at my job.

He was like, okay.

And he went to all these auditions and he started booking everything.

It's a true story.

He got on this show in China,

in mainland China, called Little Daddy, Xiao Baba.

Half a billion people watched that show.

And he was like, oh, man, okay.

It's like the Big Bang Theory of China, and Richard blew up.

And he was like, this isn't easy.

I don't know.

My plan completely backfired.

And my aunt in Shanghai,

she watched the show, and she would call the house in L.A.,

and she's like, congratulations, Richard.

You're such a good actor.

Did your son teach you how to act?

And he's like, no, no, I'm a natural.

Oh, that's very good.

You and your son, same business.

You know, you two are really funny.

He's like, no, no, Jimmy's are not a funny.

And I'm like, Dad, that's bullshit, okay?

You got one good role,

good for you, I'm happy for you.

But you're not a real actor yet.

Real actors, we gotta cry, we gotta laugh.

Do you even know how to cry in front of camera?

He was like, yes, I just think about how much you suck at ping pong.

My dad's just from a different generation.

He has like a weird beauty standard.

Like for us, we just say things on very surface level.

Just like, oh, this person's attractive, this person's not, right?

My dad would get into the weeds.

My dad would give you all the weird details.

He'd be like, oh, she's beautiful.

Very long arms.

I'm like, what, are you recruiting for a linebacker?

What are you talking about?

I can never get a pulse on who he thinks is attractive or not, right?

One time I'm like, Dad,

oh, she's really good looking.

And my dad was like,

no. Her mouth's too close to her nose.

She can't breathe, she can't breathe.

I see some of you guys looking at your partner and it's like,

is my nose too close?

And that's exactly what an Asian parent does to you, you know?

Make yourself conscious about shit you didn't know about.

I was very nervous to introduce my girlfriend to my dad.

Cause she's absolutely beautiful.

But who knows if her wingspan is long enough for his life.

I was so nervous, man.

The first time I brought my girlfriend to my dad's house and to his credit,

I want to give him credit.

He actually didn't say anything crazy because for some reason,

when an old Chinese person sees white people,

they just started acting right.

Like his posture changed and stood up right.

And for some reason, he just came up with a British accent.

Like me and my girlfriend walked in the house,

he didn't say anything crazy,

he just looked at us, he was like, oh.

Presperous young couple.

And my girlfriend was so confused,

He's like, why does your dad sound like Helen Mirren?

I grew up very stereotypically, man.

I didn't play basketball or football.

I grew up playing ping pong.

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Competitively.

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That was a serious national sport back home, man.

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You know, I didn't go to any like fun summer camp, space camp.

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My dad sent me to a ping pong training camp in Guangzhou, China.

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I almost died.

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It was 100 kids competing for one spot on the national team.

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It was basically Fortnite with ping pong paddles.

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We took that shit seriously though.

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My dad would take me to every practice,

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every tournament game, and he always tried to give me a pep talk before every game.

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But you know Asian parents, they're way too honest.

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So every pep talk just turned into an insult.

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Like he would come up to me and be like,

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Jimmy, Jimmy, You're going to play well, okay?

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Even though you're slow.

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Even though you're weak.

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And you suck.

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And then he would just walk away.

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I was very good at math.

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That's a big Asian stereotype.

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I think there's some truth to that.

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Not because of some weird genetic thing.

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Just because our parents care so much more about mathematics and academics.

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Right?

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You guys seen it?

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You guys seen those, like,

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Kumon Learning Centers and those strip malls, right?

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Right?

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Kumon Learning Centers, for you guys that don't know,

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are basically detention camps for young Asian children.

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You can tell that place is kind of fucked up by the look of its logo.

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Because it's supposed to be a smiley face,

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but it's not really smiling.

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It's just like, man.

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My parents were way too cheap to send me to Kumon.

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They got a different strategy.

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They never let me use a calculator until I turned 15

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so I can work on my brain function That's an old-school Chinese strategy,

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you know, so when I turned 15,

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it was a very special occasion It was basically my quinceanera My dad just gave me a TI 83 plus

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And he looked me in the eyes and he was like you're a woman now, okay?

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But when you're a kid,

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when your parents tell you you can't do something, what do you do?

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You rebel, right?

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So when I was 14 years old,

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I stole my brother's calculator,

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I stole Roy Rogers' calculator,

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and I locked myself in my room and I started rebelling.

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I started doing math homework.

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Other kids were like fucking around with like alcohol and drugs.

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I was fucking up some problems, you know?

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Locked myself in a room,

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I was just punching in numbers,

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I was like, oh man,

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this feels great, you know?

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It's so wrong, it's awesome.

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My dad was pissed.

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He was knocking on the other side of the door.

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He doesn't like locked doors in the house.

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And he was screaming.

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He was like, Jimmy, Jimmy,

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what are you doing inside?

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Come out right now.

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I know Yingdae using a calculator.

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Come out right now.

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I was so scared, I didn't know what to do.

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And he unlocked the door and he came in.

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I went into full panic mode,

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so I just threw away the calculator and I pulled out my pants.

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I was like, Dad, I was just jerking off.

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And he came in, and he looked at me,

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and then he looked at the math homework.

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And he was like, good,

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good, very good, very good, very good.

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You must not really like math.

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That's good.

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That's good.

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Keep it up.

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Because there's nothing,

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there's nothing that'll make your Asian father more proud than to see his son jerk off to his bath, Homer.

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See, I'm like first generation,

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but my parents, they're like negative nine generation,

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because they're so frickin' Chinese.

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Like, it's really hard for me to watch TV with my dad because he's trying to make me explain everything to him.

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And first of all, all Asian people,

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they don't watch TV, they judge the TV.

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This is like, I'm just sitting next to my dad on the couch,

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and he's wearing his, like,

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old Asian man costume, which is just a wife beater and tighty-whities.

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He's just sitting there, arms folded, judging the TV light.

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He just makes random noises around the house.

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Now whenever he sneezes, it's never just a sneeze.

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It's like a whole tsunami of sound waves that comes after.

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It's just like, achoo!

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Oh!

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Ay, shit!

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Oh!

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I'm like, what the fuck,

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Dad just have an orgasm?

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What was that?

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And he doesn't understand what I'm saying half the time.

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He's like, oh, there's an orgasm okay.

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Orgasm.

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Orgasm.

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And he tried to make me explain everything to him on TV.

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Do you understand how difficult it is to explain a rap music video to an old Chinese man?

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We're just sitting there and my dad was like,

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oh, Jimmy, Jimmy, what's it mean when he say, Lamborghini Murcio, what's that?

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And I'm like, Ted, he's bragging about his car.

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It's a Lamborghini Murcielago, very expensive car.

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You know what that is, right?

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And he's like, oh, okay, okay, yes, yes.

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That's when you know they have no idea what the fuck he just said.

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Like, okay, okay, yes, yes, a Lamborghini, okay.

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Jimmy, what does he mean when he say,

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your chick, she's so thirsty, or what the?

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And I was like, shit.

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Um...

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Dad, he's making fun of somebody's girlfriend, okay?

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Saying, like, she likes attention from other guys,

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and she likes to do sex stuff with them.

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You know, like blowjobs and such.

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And he was like, oh, okay, okay.

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Yes, yes, yes.

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Blowjobs, okay.

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Jimmy, Jimmy, I'm thirsty, too, okay?

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So I was like, oh,

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God, no. No. Got lost in translation.

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It's disgusting.

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I love my dad, man.

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I love my dad.

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He's a great dad.

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He's a funny guy, you know?

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And we did a lot of father and son bonding growing up.

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Like, for example, I'm a big basketball fan.

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I love watching the NBA, you know?

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Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Actually, I grew up a Los Angeles Clippers fan.

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Yeah.

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Because my dad was cheap, okay? because my dad was...

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Because the Lakers and the Clippers playing the same stadium,

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but the Clippers tickets were half price.

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So my dad's like, never pay full price.

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That wasn't even the most embarrassing part.

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The most embarrassing part was when we exited the stadium.

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When we exited Staples Center,

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there'll be hot dog street vendors out there, right?

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Latino brothers selling bacon-wrapped hot dogs for $5.

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I love those things.

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And my dad would go up and haggle with them.

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He would go and be like,

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okay, I give you $5 for two hot dogs.

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I'm like, dad, it's not buy one,

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get one free at Costco.

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Just give him 10 bucks.

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And he was like, shh, never pay full price.

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Okay, I'll give you $8 for two hot dogs, final offer.

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And the guy didn't care.

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He's like, no, it's $10.

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And then my dad, this is his strategy.

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He just announces in front of everyone.

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Make sure everyone hears him.

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He's like, okay.

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We walk away.

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We walk away.

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I'm like, Dad, I don't care.

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I don't think he cares if you walk away.

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Don't walk away, I'm hungry.

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He's like, Jimmy, it's better to be hungry than to pay full price.

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And then my mom comes up behind us with four hot dogs.

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And she was like, guess how much?

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Thank you, guys.

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Everybody playing with your ground

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