Практика Shadowing: Becoming selfish is the best thing I ever did - Изучайте разговорный английский по видео

I grew up with a very, very loving mother.

My mom was literally the whole example of a people pleaser.

She would go above and beyond to help every single person around her, even if she did not have the means to.

When I was growing up, I saw her be like that with other people and that gave me an example as to how I should be with other people so what ended up happening is I became an extreme people pleaser and I would do anything and everything to help everyone around me but I was always the one that ended up feeling drained that ended up feeling used that ended up feeling lost and honestly i had all these people around me that were like oh i love you i love you and then i was like how is it that everybody claims to love me but i do not feel loved until i realized liz you are doing this for yourself and you are creating this reality for yourself i was just tired of everybody coming to me with their problems trauma dumping on me not even asking me hey liz how are you are you okay because i would always put up this front of like oh i got everything i got this i'm strong enough i can do whatever so when it came time for me to be like hey you know what like this situation i didn't really feel good about it oh whatever liz you're strong you can handle it whatever let's handle it then i was like okay but like when you needed help I was there though so where's my help now you know and that was my issue of like constantly giving out help giving out help but not allowing myself to receive help and not allowing myself to be vulnerable and show people that hey listen I have emotions things hurt me as well and maybe sometimes I want to talk about my problems I want to talk about my emotions like shouldn't this be a two-way thing why is everybody always dumping on me and everybody needing my help and everybody needing something from me but maybe i need someone too enough liz enough with your stupid self-pity and you go and you become selfish yeah exactly selfish oh what a scary word everybody's scared of the word selfish but you know what being selfish literally saved me literally saved me completely because i just came to a point where i realized hey listen when they need someone liz is always there but when i need someone why is everything empty why am i overextending my whole body for everyone and they are not even extending out a hand to help me hi guys my name is liz and welcome back to my channel okay so let's get right into this video what i did to become more selfish first things i stopped going into arguments with people who are not willing to listen i am a person it takes a lot to make me angry i'm very chill i'm very chill and it takes a lot to hurt me as well like i don't get easily hurt i'm very chill i don't care if you did hurt me however by disrespecting me and i mean like severe disrespect and i tell you you hey listen you disrespected me i did not appreciate that and you keep trying to twist the story to manipulate it and be like oh no it wasn't that way i didn't mean it like that and you keep going like that i will just not engage in the conversation anymore it's done listen my boundaries were crossed you cross them you know you cross them done the conversation is over you're not willing to say hey hey Liz listen I'm sorry that that might have hurt you I'm sorry that I did did that to you I'm willing to work on this or this won't happen in the future if you're not saying that we're done done conversation is over you're not worth my time you're not worth my energy that's it another thing is I started prioritizing my own needs and wants whatever I want goes first.

That's it.

I do not care anymore.

I'm so tired of constantly giving, giving, giving, and just feeling empty at the end of the day.

Now what I do first is I fill my own cup.

First, like, am I okay?

Am I whole?

Yes, okay, then I can give to you as well.

But if I am empty, I cannot give you anything because I don't have anything to give.

So basically what I started doing is like, when my friends, for example, ask like, Liz, do you wanna come out?

Do you wanna go there?

I used to feel very bad and just go with them anyways because they wanna go, but now I'm like, no, I don't wanna come.

And if they ask like, why, why not?

Well, I don't want to, and that's enough reason.

That's okay.

Liz doesn't want to, and that's enough reason.

I don't have to say why.

I don't have to explain anything.

I just do not feel like it, and I don't wanna come.

That's enough for me.

So I really started to be like, whatever I want comes first.

Stop being always available and trying to save everyone.

See, the issue with me was my phone was always on.

I'm always on my phone.

Like whenever somebody would text me immediately, I would text back.

Like if they need advice, I would give them advice.

I would give them every single thing.

But you know what happens?

Then you're always the one that people reach out to when they have problems.

but what about you know when just everything is going good like can you you know why am I always the one that's being trauma dumped on why are you always telling me this stuff maybe I don't have the mental capacity to handle that maybe I am going through some stuff as well but because I was this people pleaser of like oh just whatever I'll make sure that you're okay it was like why why doesn't anyone make sure that I'm okay?

And that's because I do not even make sure that I'm okay.

I was showing them, Hey, listen, you can always come to me.

And that's also like me not having boundaries.

If you have strong boundaries and you say like, Hey, listen, I don't want to listen to your problems today.

I have enough of my problems, enough, and even more, you know, but you don't care about that though.

You just come to me because I allow you to come and I have no boundaries so at the end of the day that is my mistake and so i had to learn to be to not always be available if i do not want to answer your message i won't answer your message maybe i will answer in like two days three days but i don't answer immediately anymore i don't care i genuinely do not care i don't have the i don't have the mental capacity or the energy to give you anymore I realized I was trying to save everyone because I feel for them.

I see my family and friends and I want them to have the best life ever.

I want them to be amazing and the best version of themselves.

But then I literally realized like you cannot save everyone.

You cannot save anyone, to be honest.

If a person does not want to change, if a person does not want to be saved, you will not save anyone and you'll just lose your energy trying to do that.

realize something i just think that people get problems certain problems in their life or certain situations because god gives that to them and it's for them to learn and it's for them to um to go through so they can become wiser and so they can fulfill their life purpose kind of and me always stepping in and trying to help and be the savior i think that shows a message to god as well like i'm trying to put myself in his place you know what i mean like why am i trying to save them that's not my place to do so so i think as well if you're always someone that's trying to save someone you'll just you'll just block your blessings by doing that start being okay with people misunderstanding you they do not have to understand you and you know what it's very reasonable that they don't understand you listen you might want to do something in life you might have this dream of yours or whatever but you have to realize people have come from different cultures people have different parents people were raised a different way people went to different schools different neighborhoods they will not understand you they do not have the same mindset as you They do not have the same heart as you like you cannot make them understand you and make them feel for you because they're not you they are not you so you trying to constantly be like oh but you have to understand it or or be like oh why do they hurt me i wouldn't do that to them they're not you they're not you that's it and you have to accept that and if you're constantly gonna go through life thinking that everybody has the same heart as you honey listen to me i have done that and i have been hurt multiple times until i understood people are just different and that's okay that's okay let them be another thing is stop trying to change people listen our human nature is comfort humans love comfort in order to change it takes a lot of discomfort to change and it takes a lot of courage it takes a lot of strength most people don't want that and that's okay it's not because you want those things and you want a great life or whatever and you want to accomplish all these big goals that they have to want that a lot of people are okay with their small-minded living are okay with their things because that's all they know and that's their comfort a lot of people don't think that there's anything wrong with them a lot of people go through life thinking that they're smart enough they have it all figured out they have no traumas but that's okay because you cannot change that see a lot of people dm me and they say liz you changed my life you changed my life your videos changed my life i didn't do anything i didn't do anything because as much videos i'm going to make i can make 10 hours of content daily you can listen to them get motivated but if you do not want to change you're not going to change i cannot force you to and you have to understand that if you're constantly giving your energy to try to make it trying to make people change to become the best version of yourself you're wasting your energy that you can use to become your best version to create your dream life and you know what lead by example if you start to create a dream life for yourself everyone in your family and everyone you love will start to see you as an example and also try to change something in their life because they see it's possible for you that's how you change people by just giving them an example is stop needing people to validate your self-worth listen i don't need anyone to tell me how good i am i don't need anyone to tell me how beautiful I am how smart I am because I see those qualities in myself already I know that I am smart I'm beautiful how good I am at what I'm doing I know these things obviously when I get a compliment I'm very thankful grateful amazing but I don't need that from someone I don't need you to tell me that because I can see those qualities in myself already if you only feel that you're a good person when somebody else tells you you're a good person um if you need that validation from other people then honestly you're just a slave to other people because their opinion can change your reality when you are the one that always creates your own reality so what anyone else says see if somebody says to me liz you're so good um i love you so much and if that will make me happy and make me go up in my self-worth then the same way when somebody says oh i hate your videos what you're saying is so stupid that will make my words go down so what that makes me is literally their little puppet they can make me go up and down no you have to be strong in your own self and you have to look at yourself and be like oh you know what i'm amazing i literally went through so much stuff in life i'm still standing and i'm still going for it and only for that i am amazing and you have to recognize that in yourself as well another thing i started doing is just talking to myself like even when i go to bed and stuff i just talk to myself about my day how i felt when i am stressed what i started doing is basically be like okay liz literally talking to myself like okay liz uh why are you stressed what are you feeling right now and things will come up like oh this is why i feel i feel like i have to do this and this and this and I'm like okay but don't you I literally tell myself okay but don't you think you you can do it like you did it before like do it again and it's like a whole conversation with myself and I really started realizing like wow see I give everyone advice but I can give that advice to myself as well because I need it sometimes and honestly it just really was life changing going on dates by myself talking to myself hugging myself literally like saying in the mirror how amazing i am to myself being more in my feminine energy so i used to be very very always in my masculine energy always chasing things always trying to accomplish whatever and you know what i've realized because being in your family feminine basically means letting it flow just receiving things and just being calm nurturing things like that you know and I realized when I just was like you know what I am not gonna literally I'm gonna stop chasing everything and just attracting that's when everything also came in because I am so relaxed like I do not want to stress anymore about anything um I just do whatever I feel is good for me i do whatever i feel is good for my body and it makes me very calm it makes me very open to receive all my blessings to receive all my manifestations and i think when you are not desperately looking for things or desperately chasing after things then you're really whole and your energy is whole when i am whole anything i want in my life will come to me anyways because i am not desperate the energy of desperation is gone i can attract anything i want whenever i want another thing is only adding great people into my life listen you won't know how a person is from the beginning immediately you know sometimes you click in the beginning and then it face out and whatever it doesn't matter but whoever I date whoever I allow as friend right now has to add value and I'm not talking about money or all these things no in terms of are you making me happy or is it like a boat way thing you know I pour into you you pour into me is it like that or am I again pouring in and there's nothing coming back for me so I start to realize that yeah like I said people that are very always negative draining things like that oh everything is against me my life is so bad and they're not willing to do anything I don't allow them in my life I'm sorry I do not have space for you go figure figure it out like I had to figure it out obviously when my friends have uh go go to depression or bad days or whatever they always come to me and I still always will help them because I love them but my friends try to improve they're always trying to improve they're always doing stuff to improve I will not be friends with people that are okay with being miserable and I complain about being miserable you cannot be my friend I don't need anyone's permission to do whatever I think is the best for me I know myself well enough right now to know whatever I want whatever I want to have get whatever I can get and I will get and I don't need you to say at least you can do it I know I can do it and I will do it you know I don't need to ask anyone for anything because I'm the one making my own money I'm the one doing everything that I need in order to support myself and support people that I love So you saying like, oh yeah, don't do this, do this, whatever.

No, I don't care.

I don't care.

Your opinion is irrelevant to me because how cocky are you to think that you know me better than I know myself?

You have not gone through anything that I have gone through.

You have not lived my life and yet you are here deciding whether you think it's okay or not what I'm doing.

none of your business goodbye thank you so much for watching this video guys i love you guys so much and yeah i see you in the next video