Shadowing Practice: Most Watched of 2021 - Key & Peele - Learn English Speaking with Video
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1314 משפטים
אם המשפטים קצרים או ארוכים מדי, לחץ על ערוך כדי להתאים אותם.
1
All I want is, but I don't need you.
2
And that's what we're here to say, is that we are the new Black Panther Party.
3
What's the biggest problem facing the movement?
4
Well, you know, we're supposed to be in this era of so -called post -racial harmony with all people in America, but us blacks are being murdered all over the place,
5
and we get the same treatment time and time again.
6
We're not even second -class citizens.
7
We third class.
8
Stand up, black America, and declare to white America that we aren't gonna take this no more.
9
Okay?
10
Why come out now and say this?
11
You know what?
12
You have 400 years to get it right, America, but you don't know how to treat your people.
13
All people.
14
It's time to stand up.
15
It's time to take back.
16
It's time for us to fight back.
17
And we don't take your phony words anymore.
18
We're not gonna do it.
19
We want concrete results.
20
You know, you hear what we're saying to you?
21
United Snakes of America?
22
What are you supposed to do when the whole world is watching and no one is saying anything?
23
We will not be silent.
24
Okay, you, sir.
25
Anything you wanted to say?
26
Oh, me?
27
No, I'm good.
28
8 kilos, 100%, pure grade Afghani heroin.
29
100 ,000 U .S dollars.
30
Hold up.
31
We should count it first.
32
Mm -hmm. Be my guess.
33
You know, we're going to do a straight count on this right now.
34
Count it, count it?
35
Yeah.
36
That's a good idea.
37
We should probably do it fast so we don't make our friends here wait.
38
Okay.
39
20, 40, 60, 80, 100, 20, 40, 60, 80, 200.
40
You know what?
41
I'm fast.
42
Let's do it.
43
I'll take care of that.
44
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9.
45
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9.
46
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9.
47
Why are you doing piles of nine?
48
It's faster than tens.
49
Oh, really?
50
I do my nines ten times, and then I do an extra pile of ten.
51
Faster.
52
Okay.
53
You know, we should probably both be counting.
54
Oh, well, let's get to it.
55
That's double trouble.
56
All right?
57
20, 40, 60, 80, 100, 20, 4, 60.
58
I'm sorry, could you do something, like, over there, please?
59
It's a little distracting.
60
Oh, you know what?
61
What's that?
62
I got it.
63
We can time me.
64
Okay?
65
We time me counting out a thousand.
66
We take that time, and then we just count money for that time times 100.
67
No, I got it.
68
This is it right here.
69
I'm gonna do a web search for a picture of $100 ,000, okay?
70
Then, you know, we'll know what it's supposed to look like, and then we can arrange our money to look exactly like it, and see, here, hey, here we go.
71
Right here, look.
72
I mean, damn, that looks just like a lot like our money.
73
I think we got $100 ,000 here, folks.
74
I think we made it.
75
That is our money.
76
I'm sorry.
77
I'm sorry.
78
Earlier, when we were counting, I took a picture of our money so I could upload it on Yahoo Answers.
79
Oh, damn.
80
That's right, I just wanted to see if anyone could verify what $100 ,000 looked like .
81
Oh, you got it.
82
What was I thinking?
83
I got it, man.
84
Go, go, go, go.
85
I got it.
86
What the hell are you doing, man?
87
You know, I was going to try to rain man it.
88
Well, that's a plan right there.
89
OK, yeah, here we go.
90
Here we go.
91
OK.
92
Yep, yep, I got that, I got that.
93
2046. 99 ,980.
94
I actually pressed it already, the walk button, I pressed it.
95
Couldn't hurt to press it again.
96
But it won't help.
97
I mean, I pressed it already, right?
98
It's already done.
99
You don't think I didn't press it?
100
No, I wasn't saying that.
101
Good, because I most certainly did press it.
102
Just have to wait for it to change.
103
So I'm like late for work, so I'm just gonna press it.
104
What for?
105
Why would you do something that's already done?
106
I mean, I just think that that's crazy, right?
107
I dunno.
108
You wouldn't suit up and try to kill bin Laden again.
109
It's done.
110
I have killed the bin Laden of pressing this button.
111
How long ago did you press it?
112
What do you think?
113
I've been standing here for days.
114
I just pressed it right as you walked up.
115
Are you sure you pressed it?
116
Am I sure I pressed it?
117
How could I miss it?
118
Rats know how to press buttons.
119
Do you think I'm dumber than a rat?
120
No. No, nobody's saying anything like that.
121
It's gonna change.
122
Just wait.
123
It's because I pressed it already.
124
Okay, no offense.
125
I'm just going to press it.
126
What would you do that for?
127
This is precision equipment designed by people with engineering degrees.
128
It will work.
129
I pressed it, sir.
130
I pressed the button.
131
While we've been standing here, the light cycle has gone by twice, okay?
132
I'm not saying you didn't press it.
133
I'm just saying maybe it didn't work.
134
If it didn't work for me, why in the world would it work for you?
135
Do you think that it would change faster if you pressed it?
136
Do you think the light doesn't like me or something?
137
Or do you think that this particular button was designed so
138
that it only works up to the second time that it's been pressed?
139
Because that's lunacy, okay?
140
Do you understand?
141
Do not cut my balls off on this one, okay?
142
Please do not press the button again.
143
Okay, fine.
144
We'll just stand here.
145
Thank you.
146
What?
147
I told you shouldn't have pressed the button.
148
Told him not to do it.
149
No, actually, I already pressed the button.
150
Rick Nicholsby reporting live from a gruesome scene.
151
A cult known as QET, or Quest for Eternal Truth, has apparently taken their own lives in a mass suicide.
152
Police confirmed that cyanide -laced cherry Kool -Aid was also on the premises.
153
Excuse me, hi.
154
Rick Nicholsby, Channel 6.
155
Hi.
156
Are you two from the neighborhood?
157
Uh, yes.
158
No. Yeah.
159
Okay, were you two members of the cult that lived here?
160
The cult?
161
What cult?
162
Was this a cult?
163
I had no idea this was a cult.
164
Well, I would say the term cult is a little judgmental.
165
I would say the same thing, yeah.
166
Not knowing the full doctrine.
167
Well, apparently they believed that there was a spaceship waiting for them behind the moon.
168
Okay, well, you know, that still is really possible.
169
I mean, it's possible, right?
170
I mean, who knows what is out there in the universe?
171
Anything could be behind the moon.
172
Okay, well, it appears they killed themselves in order to board the ship.
173
Right, and that's where we disagreed with them right there.
174
Or would have.
175
We would have disagreed with them had we been there on our departure day.
176
Their departure day.
177
Their departure day.
178
Which is the day that they did this.
179
I mean, that's what you could call it if you wanted to.
180
But I ain't in no cult.
181
I mean, what I always wondered is how, or am starting to wonder, since you brought this to our attention, Why, if there was a spaceship in the sky,
182
why wouldn't it just beam them up?
183
Why can't you just beam them up?
184
Why can't you just beam them up alive?
185
Why you got to be dead to get beamed up?
186
You know what I'm saying?
187
I've been saying that for weeks, seconds, for seconds, because you, Rick, Nicholsby, you told us that, you know, and that's how I knew, because 50 seconds ago, you said it.
188
I didn't know anything about it until you had said it, because I ain't in no cult.
189
Okay, well, then why would someone join a cult?
190
Charismatic leader.
191
Leadership, you know, like a compelling person.
192
Taco Tuesday.
193
Taco Tuesday.
194
I mean, hypothetically, they could have had tacos on Tuesday, which would have been a draw.
195
I mean, that would have been a plus.
196
OK, so this is a tragic day for this community and for the members of the quest for Earthly Truth.
197
I'm Rick Nicholsby reporting.
198
Whoa.
199
You see?
200
Yep.
201
You see?
202
Uh -huh.
203
Everybody jump the gun.
204
We're ready.
205
Best comic book adaptation to film, hands down.
206
No argument.
207
See you later, girls.
208
All right.
209
Oh, yeah.
210
I know I'm in the minority here, but I don't really like the Christopher Nolan Batman movies.
211
I don't.
212
I really just feel like they're overrated.
213
Okay.
214
Well, that's just an opinion.
215
You see, that's why I prefaced it by saying, I know I'm in the minority.
216
Awkward.
217
You know what?
218
No. No. Not really.
219
It's not awkward.
220
At least not until you said awkward.
221
Now it's awkward because of what you said.
222
Anyway.
223
Anyway what?
224
Anyway what?
225
Really, because when you say anyway, then you have to follow it up with an actual contribution to the conversation we're having.
226
Yikes.
227
No, look at me.
228
Look at me.
229
Look at me.
230
Look at me.
231
There's no yikes, and the reason why there's no yikes is that there's nothing scary about this situation, okay?
232
It's a very low -stakes situation.
233
All right.
234
No, not all right.
235
Come here.
236
No, don't look at him.
237
Don't look at either of those guys.
238
Look at me, all right?
239
All right what?
240
Because after you say all right, you have to follow that up with something.
241
Don't do it.
242
Don't look at them.
243
Do not look at them.
244
No, no, do not look at them.
245
Do not look at them.
246
Don't do it.
247
Tell us how you really feel.
248
Okay, you know what?
249
I'll tell you how I really feel.
250
Listen, I really feel like you're an asshole who has nothing interesting to say.
251
Ow.
252
No, don't.
253
No, no, don't look at them.
254
Come here.
255
Turn it right here.
256
Tell me an opinion that you have about something.
257
Just one opinion that you have about anything at all.
258
Just share an opinion.
259
Anything.
260
Share an opinion.
261
Share an opinion.
262
Share an opinion.
263
Share an opinion right now.
264
Just on the top of your head.
265
Share an opinion.
266
Anything.
267
Just one opinion.
268
That's all I'm asking.
269
Share one opinion right now.
270
Share an opinion.
271
I don't have an opinion.
272
That's why I just like everything that everyone else likes in pop culture.
273
Don't look at me!
274
Don't look at me!
275
Don't look at me!
276
Don't look at me!
277
Okay.
278
Hey, man, this is your first time?
279
No, man.
280
I've been doing zombie extra work on this show since day one, first season, man.
281
It's my first time.
282
Oh, it's your first time on this show?
283
My first time being extra at all.
284
Ever?
285
Kind of nervous.
286
Oh, wow.
287
Okay, man.
288
Hey, man.
289
Sorry about it.
290
You'll be all right, man.
291
It's okay, man.
292
It's not that hard, man.
293
You'll be all right.
294
Me, personally, dude, I'm looking for that lunge bump, though.
295
What's a lunge bump?
296
Oh, that's, uh, like, if you, um, you get featured, if you lunge at somebody, and then you get a bump in your pay.
297
And if you're really lucky, man, they blow your head off, that's straight bank right there.
298
All right, extras!
299
I'm the assistant director, gather around.
300
Jerry, hey, Jerry, I had a thought, man, about the first scene that y 'all was doing.
301
Not now, Stan.
302
Oh, it's Steve, it's Steve.
303
Okay.
304
Okay.
305
I'm gonna need somebody to lunge at the fence.
306
You think you can handle it?
307
Yeah.
308
Uh, yeah.
309
It's his first day, though.
310
He's kind of nervous, man.
311
He's kind of nervous.
312
It's his first day.
313
Okay, so the director's going to yell, action, Mac's going to come by, and then you're just going to lunge into the fence, like, grah!
314
You want me to say, grah?
315
Oh, this is...
316
Say whatever.
317
This is crazy.
318
Okay, all right, cool, man.
319
Hey, you know, hey, that's cool.
320
Hey, you know, I got a lot more experience, man.
321
You can just use me.
322
I've been here day one, first season.
323
So, okay, cool.
324
All right, that's fine.
325
You're going to go with him.
326
All right, good for you, man.
327
Good for you.
328
Grah?
329
Grah?
330
No, you don't have to say grah.
331
Do whatever the hell you want to do, man.
332
That's the lunge bump man you got it you got it
333
on your first day ever being an extra ever you got it man good for you and action
334
what the hell was
335
that cut oh man i would be more than happy to
336
fill in man i'd be more than happy to step in mac just remember
337
when you're coming through the factory that like your mind is still I mean, y 'all gotta pick people based on qualifications, man.
338
Okay.
339
You could just be picking random people out the crowd.
340
Good note.
341
But maybe what I was doing sort of superseded that.
342
Agreed.
343
Yeah, we were just discussing that.
344
Yep.
345
Absolutely it supersedes it.
346
Yeah, but let's do one that just seeds it, okay?
347
Just same level.
348
We're going again straight away, okay?
349
Wow.
350
Right away?
351
Reset.
352
He's not doing a good job at it.
353
You're doing great, though, man.
354
Opportunity knocks.
355
You gotta answer the door, man. And...
356
Action!
357
Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.
358
Cut!
359
Man, I'd be more than happy to step in.
360
At any time you want me to, I'd be more than happy to do it.
361
Just a certain sense of urgency is all we're looking for.
362
Clock's ticking, you got survivors to find, right?
363
Can't tell y 'all if it's something real, but this dude right here is not doing what a zombie does.
364
This dude was literally on our last take, waving his hand up in the air like this, Jerry, making beaker sounds.
365
He sounded like Beaker from the Muppets, y 'all.
366
Thank you, that's great.
367
Just a ticking clock on this is all we're looking for, because there are survivors is what we're after.
368
Okay, I found the ambivalence in there.
369
The ambivalence is art.
370
It's gorgeous, and we love it.
371
But there are zombies, so if we could just pick up the pace just a hair, that'd be great.
372
Straight away, please, right away.
373
Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, but Jerry, we're not doing Night of the Living Muppets, are we?
374
We are not.
375
Because the beaker is not a zombie.
376
Do you have any notes?
377
Yeah, don't be a beaker.
378
Quiet, please.
379
Action.
380
I'm gonna eat your brains, zombie.
381
Cut.
382
No!
383
He actually just said the word zombie!
384
Come on, man.
385
You ever hear a zombie say the word zombie before?
386
No, you haven't.
387
I don't think so.
388
You know what?
389
Get rid of this game.
390
Thank you!
391
That's what I'm talking about!
392
I'm sorry, though, but you're terrible at this, man.
393
Don't do your thing.
394
Hey, man, no, he's talking about him.
395
No. He's talking about him because he said zombies.
396
Thank you, Steve.
397
No, you want me to lead?
398
Hey, man, I've been up here staggering around here for three and a half years, and I've been startling extras left and right.
399
When do I get to startle the lead, huh?
400
One more for safety.
401
Straight away.
402
Here we go.
403
Still rolling.
404
Action.
405
Hey, what do we do if we have to go to the bathroom?
406
We like it?
407
I love it.
408
Genius.
409
Moving on.
410
Thank God.
411
Yellow Falcon, what do your senses tell you?
412
Destructo is a killing machine.
413
his armor is impervious to our blasters you got any ideas
414
red falcon sure do yellow falcon blue falcon you remember our
415
battle at dango bluff i'll take the legs you take the blasters it was beaver creek
416
and i took the legs make sure you shore up that flank black falcon um
417
are you talking to me because i'm the green falcon no time for that black falcon purple Falcon, arm missiles.
418
Roger that.
419
Arming missiles now.
420
Battle formations, we're going in.
421
Hey.
422
Roger that.
423
Hold up.
424
Copy that.
425
My Falcon is green.
426
Hey, hey, hey.
427
We can talk about our Falcon colors when we get back to base, Black Falcon.
428
Right now, we got a mission to do.
429
Fall into Falcon formation.
430
Well, here's the issue, is that you're going to give me an order?
431
I'm not going to know you're talking to me.
432
Because I'm not in a Black Falcon.
433
Come on, chill it out, Black Falcon.
434
Yeah, Black Falcon, relax.
435
First of all, I don't like the way you guys are saying black.
436
Second of all, there is no Black Falcon.
437
I'm Green Falcon.
438
Black Falcon, homie, no one's trying to get up in your grill here.
439
Uh -uh, uh -uh, uh -uh.
440
Don't talk to me like that.
441
No, don't say grill like that.
442
I'm the Green Falcon, and I...
443
Oh, stopping some Black Falcon about it.
444
What the do you mean by that?
445
Black Falcon, brother, I understand what you're going through. Do you?
446
No, I don't think you do.
447
How would you feel if I called you Red Falcon, huh?
448
Whoa.
449
And Purple Falcon, how would you feel if I called you Yellow Falcon, huh?
450
That's racist.
451
That was racist.
452
Yeah, that's racist.
453
Oh, that is racist.
454
That's racist?
455
Oh, see?
456
Okay, no, forget it.
457
Black Falcon out.
458
Green Falcon!
459
Green Falcon!
460
Damn it!
461
Hey, why'd that Green Falcon fall out of Falcon formation?
462
Black Falcon, get on that and report back.
463
Black Falcon.
464
Black Falcon, come in.
465
Leaving Earth from space.
466
Power Falcons!
467
Shoot!
468
Excuse me, big man, big man, big man.
469
Excuse me, big man, no, but big man, okay?
470
God bless you.
471
I'll catch you on the upflip.
472
All right.
473
Thank you, big man.
474
Thank you, big man.
475
Hey, brother.
476
Hey.
477
Can I ask you a question real quick, though, brother man?
478
Oh, see, that's good, because I was about to ask you a question.
479
Okay, so here's the deal, man.
480
Crazy thing, my car went out of gas about a mile up the road, that's the way.
481
I was just wondering if I get a little bit of money, you know, just get a couple of gallons.
482
Okay, that's crazy, because you know what?
483
This, my car had also broke down right up the road.
484
I got my daughter here, she's fine.
485
She's sleeping in the car, I gotta get back to her real quick.
486
So if you could help me out.
487
I was gonna ask you if you could help me.
488
Oh, okay.
489
Let me just give you my wallet out here.
490
I'll show you my ID to let you know that I am straight up legit.
491
It's real, I ain't trying to do nothing to nobody.
492
Okay, on the issue of legitimacy, I too have an identification.
493
That's an employee ID from Borders Bookstore.
494
See right here, I got my Bally's Total Fitness ID right here.
495
It shows you that I stay fit and conscientious and whatnot.
496
You also know that these other IDs I have in my hand have the same name on it, which makes you know that it is indeed me.
497
Okay, I too have multiple IDs crescendoing in this.
498
Dun -dun -dun -dun!
499
Yogurtland Punch Card.
500
Okay, yeah, I see that right there.
501
That is, I'm up to my ninth purchase, apparently, and you can't fake that.
502
for that yeah all right so normally i would not ask another person for assistance
503
but our family is in a fiduciary crisis right now my
504
wife is languishing in the hospital she a construction worker
505
and what happened is she got struck in the face by
506
a power line fried her whole head up burnt both her
507
eyeballs out she's getting eyeball replacement surgery as we speak i
508
also have a spousal injury crisis on my midst as well
509
my wife was in the astronaut program making her a full -fledged astronaut okay
510
and she had gotten moon dust in her lungs in hell you don't know it's never good We don't want that.
511
So maybe we could find an ATM or something like that.
512
Oh, look, that's one over there.
513
Oh, my gosh, what's the chances of it?
514
We should probably check that out.
515
Yeah, let's just take a look right there.
516
Well, here we are.
517
Well, here we are, ATM machines that I did not know previously were here.
518
All right, two of them, no less.
519
I'll tell you what we should do, though, man.
520
You give me the 20, OK?
521
I'll give you the three that's on my person.
522
Then I will give you the 17 after.
523
Then you give me that 17.
524
I'll cut you a check for 100 just to cover that.
525
You give me the change in cash.
526
Okay, okay, I feel that.
527
Why am I playing?
528
I'm just gonna give you my ATM card so you know I'm legit.
529
Sure, sure.
530
Of course, of course.
531
I'm gonna give you my ATM card so we both have something of value from the other person.
532
All right.
533
Yeah. And your code is?
534
It is one, two, three, four.
535
And yours, sir?
536
One, two, three, five.
537
All right, thank you.
538
Okay, that is a Ralph's Rewards card.
539
Okay, that is a credit card placeholder you would find in a translucent sleeve in a brand -new wallet.
540
Excuse me, big man.
541
Hey, right quick, right quick.
542
Can I ask you a question, biggest of man?
543
I got a question right quick.
544
Hey, man, you gotta let me out of here.
545
Oh, okay.
546
You tricked me.
547
I can honestly say I wasn't trying to trick you.
548
You weren't?
549
All I said was you got to let me out of here.
550
There's no trick.
551
So I do have to let you out of here?
552
Yes.
553
Okay.
554
Bon voyage Orders to let him go I don't know why he's in here in the first place I don't know
555
Well, you really got me in trouble.
556
Sorry.
557
Yeah, you must think I'm stupid.
558
Well, I'm not stupid.
559
I'm smart.
560
So, you know.
561
You know how you can prove that you're really smart?
562
Oh, yeah.
563
Let me guess.
564
You want me to let you out of here again?
565
Well...
566
You know what?
567
You think you can trick me into letting you out again?
568
Well, you can't.
569
Because this is my choice.
570
Get the heck out of here all right all right reverse psychology
571
i am sorry about that guys that was me guys my bad my bad
572
real nice now they said they're gonna dock my pay and
573
if i let you out of here again i'm gonna be
574
severely punished i don't know i'm actually surprised they haven't already
575
thrown you in here with me no prison is for bad guys you're you're a bad guy
576
and i'm a good guy yeah
577
but you can see how from my perspective i'm a good guy wait you're a good guy oh my gosh
578
it doesn't seem like you understand what your job is
579
oh okay i see what you're doing you're trying to you're
580
trying to manipulate me with reverse psychology well it's not going to work
581
it's not even worth going out there again look they're just gonna get me
582
and bring me back in here just like they always do
583
unless what no i'm forget it i don't want to take advantage of you look hey look no listen
584
i'm not gonna fall for it whatever it is you may as well just tell me
585
i was just gonna say that like
586
if you were to help me uh -huh get past the
587
guards yeah yeah all the way out okay i really i
588
have to tell you you need to think about this Strong and hard,
589
weigh your options and consider the ramifications of those options.
590
If like heck I will.
591
Let's go!
592
I'm busting you out of here!
593
Don't yell, man!
594
You ought to as well ring your arm, man!
595
Good idea, yeah.
596
Oh, hi, Tom.
597
Hey, what's the hell, man?
598
Good to see you guys.
599
Yeah.
600
Oh boy, I did it again, didn't I?
601
I was a prison guard, I wasn't allowed to talk to the prisoners, that was the thing.
602
They said to me, if you talk to those prisoners, you're gonna get in trouble.
603
What are we doing in this neighborhood?
604
Come on, this place is in our price range.
605
Besides, I mean, people say the neighborhood's turning around.
606
Who the is?
607
It's Jordan and Kira.
608
We're here to view the apartment at 3.
609
Oh, .
610
My bad.
611
I had this homeless crackhead trying to set up house in here yesterday.
612
Almost had to beat his ass, man.
613
But y 'all ain't got nothing to worry about, because anybody try to get up in here, I will murder them.
614
Let me give y 'all the tour.
615
All right, so we got these vintage windows.
616
They've been here as long as the building's been here.
617
Get away from the window!
618
Get away from the window!
619
Hey!
620
Hey!
621
You mother !
622
I see you out there.
623
You get out that car, and I will murder you!
624
That's what I thought!
625
So roll on, little !
626
Roll on!
627
My nephew, Craig.
628
You good kid.
629
He smoked crack, though.
630
It's, uh, just in case he come back.
631
Uh -huh.
632
I filed a serial number off there, so if you got to shoot anybody, just make sure to wipe your fingerprints off this .
633
Well, come on, y 'all.
634
I ain't going to bite you.
635
Brand new cupboards.
636
I put the contact paper in myself here so y 'all don't get no germs.
637
Get down!
638
I don't want to shoot you.
639
All right.
640
Ain't no thing.
641
I thought Craig was rolling back.
642
I ain't getting shot by this twice, damn.
643
While we down here, check this out.
644
Original hardwood floor from when the building was built.
645
Check out this grain, brother.
646
Ooh, that is craftsmanship.
647
Anyway, come on.
648
Now this paint is all new.
649
Oh, .
650
Okay, this happened after I had painted.
651
Funny story.
652
We got crackheads in this neighborhood, and one of them is living right next door here, right? and one day he was smoking crack, just went to Looney Tunes and mistook his 9mm,
653
that's a pistol, honey, for the remote control.
654
But don't worry, you ain't never gonna see him again.
655
Ain't nobody ever gonna see him again.
656
Plus, I'm gonna put a fancy little hook in there and turn it into a hat rack.
657
Now, let's take a look at this bedroom.
658
What the ?
659
I ain't found this place first!
660
Found it, man!
661
I own this page!
662
Can y 'all give me a second?
663
You're a white, mean mother !
664
I'm going to cut you with my sword cane!
665
So that's going to be first month or last month rent, one month security deposit.
666
I'll get the paperwork started.
667
Okay, baby, let's hit this rock real quick.
668
Father, please hear our prayer for the poor.
669
Thank you, Father, yes.
670
We beseech you for the disenfranchised, the less fortunate, and those that suffer.
671
Show us your will so we can continue to do your work.
672
Yes, Father.
673
Thanks.
674
I've come to answer your prayers.
675
Listen carefully to my instructions.
676
Hallelujah!
677
I want you to sell everything you own and immediately begin service to the poor.
678
I just want to clarify, um, is there everything?
679
Yes, rid yourself of all earthly possession.
680
Oh, this house is haunted!
681
Ah, I see what they did there.
682
God, this place is so nice.
683
This is supposed to be one of the best French places in town.
684
Hmm, I did not realize that you were so cultured.
685
You're sweet.
686
My French is pretty good, so I can order for both of us.
687
Oh, well, well, well.
688
Bonjour, welcome to Chez de la Montembre.
689
I am your waiter for this evening.
690
My name is Jean -Luc Delapira, or not, but you may call me Jean.
691
Bonjour, Jean.
692
Oh, look at you!
693
If you have any questions about Jenny's thing at all, I'm more than happy to assist you.
694
Jean, I got it.
695
Merci beaucoup.
696
Très bien.
697
Well, our first special tonight is our Poisson du jour.
698
It is a loup de mer bleu en versant, served with a plumeur verte de cochon du plein monde
699
that is served en épais de jeune dame de fille lisse au pain, and also served a luminette rouge, and soufflé petit de fiertre du pont de grenier.
700
Oh, yum.
701
Our soup today is a boulain moussante with just a dash of chentambertre and served with melted pissantin chabartre flour.
702
Soup.
703
Yeah.
704
Our other seafood today, we have a very nice flintantin grand de ponts avars from the Gouton -Mousson Valley in Vézantin.
705
It is served with the side of Oh man,
706
it's just, I'm a little bit overwhelmed.
707
Yes.
708
Oh God, I'm so glad you said that.
709
I was about to say the same thing.
710
Okay, so you would recommend getting the with the, oh, I'm sorry, is the and a heavy sauce?
711
Oh no, no, no. It's more like a sauce.
712
What do you think?
713
I'm going to defer to him on this one because he knows this stuff way better than I do.
714
Monsieur?
715
What?
716
Um, yeah, we'll have the...
717
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
718
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
719
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
720
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
721
It's been nice knowing you have a lovely dinner.
722
Look, Rajeeed, I'm going to make this really nice and easy for you.
723
I need names, and you're going to give them to me.
724
You have to listen to me.
725
You have to listen to me.
726
This is all a huge mistake.
727
Bullshit!
728
Apartment of Homeland Security's been monitoring your calls for weeks, Regime.
729
We got you.
730
We know about you and your friends.
731
We know that you're a terrorist.
732
I am a terrorist.
733
Me and my friends, we breed dogs, specifically terriers.
734
We write terrorist fiction.
735
We spend a good deal of time discussing possible future terrorist plots.
736
It's a nice try.
737
It really is.
738
But it's bull , Rasheed.
739
Come on.
740
Is that the best you got?
741
What?
742
Now, come on.
743
I'm listening.
744
Just tell me.
745
Tell me.
746
Tell me about this imminent attack.
747
What?
748
What?
749
What attack?
750
I don't know what you're talking about.
751
I don't know.
752
What are you talking about?
753
What am I talking about?
754
I don't know, huh?
755
I don't know what you're talking about.
756
I'm telling you.
757
You don't know?
758
I don't know.
759
I don't know.
760
June 11th, Rajeeed.
761
You spoke of an imminent attack.
762
Oh, oh, yes.
763
No, listen, that was my friend.
764
Listen, his dog bit him.
765
No. And I told him, if you do not train them, another terrier attack is imminent.
766
Ah!
767
So you lied, and you see what happens?
768
I'm not lying to you.
769
Come on, Rajeeed.
770
I like you.
771
Let's be friends, huh?
772
Now, you still haven't explained to me why we found on
773
the search engine of your computer the words Target Washington 49 times.
774
That is because I was in D .C for a dog show, and I had to buy a squeezy toy, a birthday card, and some deodorant all at an affordable price.
775
All right.
776
You can only do that at Target.
777
Yeah, okay.
778
I see how you want to play this.
779
Come on, give me this.
780
This is not a case of mistaken identity, Rajeeed.
781
And you know it.
782
We've heard the conversations between you and Jafar.
783
Were you discussing your hatred of American ideals?
784
No, it was your idols!
785
American idols!
786
I hate them!
787
They performed Dancing Queen!
788
It was a desecration to offer!
789
My favorite band.
790
We got you on tape referring to Jafar as one of the architects of...
791
7 -Eleven!
792
It was 7 -Eleven!
793
Jim Barr, he designs convenience stores.
794
7 -Eleven.
795
Oh, .
796
Wilson, 65 dogs just attacked the Capitol building.
797
Were they terriers?
798
How did you know?
799
Praise Abba!
800
It is so good to see you, Keith.
801
Yeah, we usually have to wait for a special occasion.
802
Well, actually, I have a little surprise.
803
I got engaged.
804
Oh!
805
Oh, son!
806
Whoo -hoo!
807
Yes!
808
Wow!
809
Congratulations, little bro.
810
Engaged.
811
Kind of a big deal.
812
More for me, I guess.
813
That's what that means.
814
Yes, well, um, she got a name?
815
Stephanie.
816
Marriage is a wonderful journey.
817
50 % and the divorce.
818
Sorry, bro.
819
Them's just the facts.
820
I will keep that in mind.
821
Thank you.
822
You got a photo?
823
Oh, yeah.
824
AKA, does she exist?
825
There you go.
826
Mmm!
827
Ha ha!
828
Oh, she's beautiful!
829
Let me get eyes on this.
830
Everybody else already has...
831
Great lighting.
832
Airbrush?
833
Uh, no. She kind of looks like that one model on The Price is Right.
834
Uh, yes.
835
Uh, that's her.
836
The price is right, Clive.
837
That's your show.
838
Shut up, Mom!
839
No, it's not.
840
Oh, yeah.
841
Stephanie.
842
People always underbid on their showcases.
843
Not the best presenter.
844
Where's the wedding?
845
Oh, uh, in Hawaii.
846
Oh!
847
Awesome!
848
Woo -hoo!
849
Malakalikimaka!
850
She ever been married before?
851
Uh, no. So she says.
852
Ex -boyfriend, she got one? Of course.
853
Sloppy seconds, at least.
854
Right, Dad?
855
Keith, she sounds wonderful.
856
Thank you, Mom.
857
Shut up, Mom!
858
Silence from you!
859
Okay.
860
You're cut off from talking!
861
You know what, Clive?
862
I really don't appreciate the way that you're talking to Mom.
863
Yes!
864
Yes!
865
The prodigal son hath returned!
866
You know what?
867
You want to go?
868
Let's go!
869
Because I've been here for the last 15 years taking care of Mom and Dad Well, you've been trollopsing all over the world. And why?
870
So you can come back here and criticize me for how I treat them?
871
No, I actually came here to ask you if you would do me the honor of being my best man.
872
I know that we have had our differences, but you're my older brother.
873
We'll pay for your room And we're also going to rent you a car
874
And we'll pay to fly you out there First class Well,
875
we can't afford first class Well, you!
876
You're dead to me!
877
Why?
878
Shut up, Mom!
879
I'm eating in my room!
880
Well, that went better than expected.
881
I think so.
882
Yeah.
883
Hey, man, how you doing there?
884
You guys got bow and arrows?
885
Yeah.
886
Oh, yeah.
887
Oh, that's it.
888
Yeah, there it is.
889
There, that'll do it.
890
That's gonna do it.
891
Yep.
892
Where are the arrows at?
893
Yeah, you guys got M80s?
894
We don't carry fireworks.
895
Damn!
896
You have something else that's explosive that I could tape to the end of an arrow?
897
We have shotgun shells, but I feel I have to ask, are you planning to attach those to arrows and use them as a weapon?
898
What?
899
No!
900
What?
901
Are you crazy?
902
You think that would work, though?
903
What if I shot explosive arrows through a window to break them open?
904
Sir, I feel like I have to ask you what you're planning to use these for.
905
Oh, no, I'm not planning to do anything.
906
I'm just, just Christmas shopping.
907
You got zip lines?
908
Nope.
909
But you got, like, hooks and anchors and cables?
910
We got some of those things, but I do not recommend manufacturing your own zip line.
911
Oh, I'm not doing that, no. Let's say somebody was manufacturing their own zip line.
912
Do you think if they had busted some windows open on a building somehow, then fired the zipline off of bow and arrow
913
and it attached to the wall of said building that they could just ride the zipline into the building?
914
I have no idea, sir.
915
Whatever you're planning on doing, please don't do it.
916
I'm not doing anything.
917
I'm just doing some Christmas shopping and trying to get it out of the way.
918
You know, bow and arrow's from her nephew, the zipline's from her grandmother, et cetera, and whatnot.
919
You know what I'm saying there?
920
It's no big deal.
921
Speaking of other things, do you guys have just the top half of a knight in armor?
922
First of all, it's called a suit of armor.
923
Oh, yep, that's it.
924
That's right.
925
That's what I meant to say.
926
We have one, but it's sold as a complete set.
927
Yep, yep.
928
Yep.
929
Yeah, well, the person is for it.
930
They only need the...
931
They don't need the...
932
They just need the top half.
933
They don't need the legs.
934
Mm -hmm.
935
Well, what if somebody was shooting at you?
936
What were the chances you think they'd try to shoot your legs?
937
I feel like I have to tell you that a suit of armor will not deflect bullets.
938
I'll take my chance. With Christmas.
939
Which brings me to my next question.
940
Do you guys have roller skates?
941
I think we have a pair around.
942
Uh -huh.
943
Let me ask you a question.
944
How fast do you think you have to be going on
945
roller skates to get past a couple of armed guards and still be going fast enough to smash through a safe door?
946
One of those big bank safes?
947
No. I don't know.
948
Yeah.
949
Yeah?
950
Uh, hey, you guys got one of those, you know, one of those big bags with a dollar sign on the side of it?
951
OK.
952
Yeah.
953
You're going to shoot arrows with shotgun shells attached to them to a bank window to blow out the glass.
954
Then you're gonna shoot a zipline through that window
955
and you're gonna slide on into the hallway You're gonna be wearing roller skates
956
so you can just skate on past the armed guards who will be shooting at you
957
And you're gonna hope that they both won't hit your legs And
958
if they are aiming at your torso the suit of medieval
959
armor will deflect the bullets Then you're gonna hope to gather
960
enough speed to burst through the big bank vault at the
961
end of the hallway where you're gonna Collect the money in a cartoon money bag Well,
962
no, I'm just an uncle who's buying some shit for Christmas, and I think I'll take my business elsewhere.
963
Merry Christmas.
964
It's April.
965
Neil.
966
Neil.
967
Yes, honey?
968
Neil deGrasse Tyson, I asked you to take the dog out for a walk when I left the house four hours ago.
969
Now I come back, and this little mother Sputnik has done pissed on my drapes.
970
Now I've got to get rid of those things and get new ones.
971
Neil, it doesn't make any sense.
972
You're an astrophysicist.
973
How can you not keep track of little details like this?
974
Well, actually, it's the little details that cannot be kept track of by definition.
975
In 1927, a German university lecturer named Werner Heisenberg came to a seemingly paradoxical conclusion,
976
that the more we know about the position of a particle in physical space, the less we know about its momentum and vice versa.
977
Okay, but what does that mean?
978
Taken in conjunction with what we know about the expansion of the universe, this brings us to a fascinating possibility,
979
that maybe what we experience as one point in time -space could actually be a lesion of points,
980
which would mean that your curtains
981
and little Sputnik's pee -pee could be as distant from one another as we are from the furthest galaxy.
982
Okay.
983
Well, just next time. Of course, dear.
984
Neil!
985
There you are.
986
What are you doing?
987
We have to go to my Aunt Nellie's funeral.
988
How were you not ready?
989
I've been talking to you about this all week.
990
How am I gonna find you in your boxers looking at a science magazine?
991
I swear, Neil, sometimes I think you don't have any idea of what's important.
992
Well, actually, an idea of what's important is as close as we can ever come to any definition of importance.
993
Our galaxy is one of over 100 billion in the observable universe, and it's 100 ,000 light years across,
994
which means it would take light 100 ,000 years to traverse.
995
Okay, but...
996
But that's just space.
997
If we were to chart the history of the universe on one calendar year,
998
the history of mankind as we know it would just take place in the final second of that year.
999
So, whether I'm ready now or in 500 years, well, cosmically speaking, the distinction is meaningless.
1000
Well, okay.
1001
I'm going now.
1002
Goodbye, honey.
1003
Neil! Who is she?
1004
Who is the white bitch that left this goddamn lipstick stain on your collar?
1005
Hmm?
1006
Oh, I got you.
1007
You're caught.
1008
Because this is apricot -colored.
1009
And you know who wears that?
1010
White bitches.
1011
And you can't talk your way out of this one, because I'm not getting confused today, because I got my shitting order, and I done my research.
1012
Okay, Neil?
1013
You see, we are here at this point in space -time on a human scale.
1014
But at this point, you are trifling -ass mother .
1015
So expect the papers from the lawyer, because we're parting ways.
1016
Well, actually...
1017
No, nope.
1018
We are always parting ways and not parting ways in every conceivable combination.
1019
Many physicists, including Stephen Hawking, now believe that there is an infinite number of universes.
1020
It's called multiverse theory, and it suggests
1021
that there are an infinite number of universes in which I didn't have sex with that white woman.
1022
I f*ed Bill Nye the science guy.
1023
You bitch.
1024
It's Joey Bluntz in the morning!
1025
Yo, Joey Bluntz here on 101 .3K.
1026
Hey, everybody, man, we still tripping on that last segment, though.
1027
That was crazy up in here.
1028
That's what you guys were crazy.
1029
Wardrobe, man, fuck it.
1030
Y 'all are crazy.
1031
I can't take it anymore.
1032
Like, y 'all dirty, but she's crazy.
1033
Would you do that, Meatball?
1034
Man, look, man, I grew up in the hood, all right?
1035
So no. So he would want to, but he can't do it because of that bad ass.
1036
Why y 'all always clowning on Meatball, Meatball?
1037
Aw.
1038
You brought it up.
1039
For real though.
1040
Aw, y 'all left the first place.
1041
Y 'all got, y 'all two got to stop playing.
1042
Meatball.
1043
Lady J with me here, Meatball.
1044
Meatball.
1045
This is the top of the hour.
1046
I'm Joey Bloods.
1047
We'll be right back.
1048
Woo!
1049
Let's try our new rejuvenating formula.
1050
One thing you can do is...
1051
K -Beats 101 .3.
1052
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1053
Hey, watch where the you go.
1054
Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry.
1055
Oh.
1056
I see you had a baby there, man.
1057
Man, I'm sorry.
1058
I ain't trying to fight nobody with a baby.
1059
Yeah, hell yeah, you won't.
1060
Lucky mother .
1061
Huh?
1062
Well, you're lucky I'm carrying this baby.
1063
Something like that.
1064
Look, man, you need to move on, all right?
1065
I already told you.
1066
I'm not gonna fight you.
1067
Huh.
1068
That's what I thought, punk.
1069
Psst.
1070
Wanna go?
1071
Because we can go right now, dawg.
1072
What's going on?
1073
Man, what the hell are you doing, man?
1074
What?
1075
What?
1076
What?
1077
What?
1078
Trying to bob and weave it.
1079
What?
1080
You bitch -ass, punk -ass mother fucker.
1081
Let's go.
1082
Come on, man.
1083
Come on.
1084
No, no, don't look at your boys.
1085
Look at me, man.
1086
Don't look at your boy.
1087
Ow!
1088
Oh, okay, you think you hard.
1089
All right, but you know what?
1090
I'm going to show you what time it is right now, okay?
1091
Slap me.
1092
Right?
1093
How about this?
1094
Huh?
1095
Now what you're going to do, huh?
1096
Now what you're going to do?
1097
You ready?
1098
Because you can do it right now.
1099
Because I can take you out, man.
1100
You're not going to...
1101
Oh!
1102
Oof.
1103
Okay.
1104
Oh, it's on now.
1105
That's...
1106
Yep.
1107
You did.
1108
You did.
1109
Excuse me, I need this.
1110
Yeah.
1111
I need a baby.
1112
Thank you.
1113
Oh, hi.
1114
This...
1115
What the...
1116
What now, man?
1117
What now?
1118
Let's go.
1119
You know what?
1120
It's not even worth it, man.
1121
Ah!
1122
That's what I thought!
1123
So keep walking.
1124
Oh, okay, that's vomit.
1125
That is vomit.
1126
Oh, dear.
1127
Okay, but do I look in the camera?
1128
No?
1129
Oh, at you.
1130
All right.
1131
Like on television.
1132
All right.
1133
Oh!
1134
Now knock it off, all the stupid -ass, grab -ass and touchy -feely bull .
1135
Goddamn.
1136
I told you they was rotten.
1137
I am, uh, Pornimus Jackson, principal here at Clortho.
1138
Uh, Vince Clortho High.
1139
Uh...
1140
This, uh, station's just a formality.
1141
There's a bunch of stuff that we confiscated just this week.
1142
Mr., you don't have to show them that.
1143
Here's a wand with a silencer on it.
1144
Why?
1145
But I ask again, why?
1146
One out of five girls in this school is pregnant with a demon baby.
1147
One out of five!
1148
Ain't no denying it.
1149
The babies are evil.
1150
But the mothers, they're good kids.
1151
As we say at Clorthos, there's never a portal that cannot be opened with ingenuity and respect.
1152
Now, how you gonna be using an invisible cloak when I can see you tagging the damn wall?
1153
Dime bag of pixie dust, contraband.
1154
See, here's the thing, the kids know that the only way to fly, wizard pepper.
1155
Unbelievable.
1156
Get your ass out of my office.
1157
I will turn you into a spider.
1158
They're good kids.
1159
Hogwarts and clothos, clothos and hogwarts.
1160
Go hand in hand and the best top two wizarding schools there are.
1161
But you know, out of these two schools, we each have our strengths.
1162
We do score a little bit lower on our standardized tests than Hogwarts, but there is a cultural bias.
1163
We may not have a huge endowment like they get over at Hogwarts.
1164
And yes, some of the teachers have to buy their own newt's eyes or bat wings.
1165
One kid got transformed into a cat that can't even afford a changing back.
1166
This young man's name is Jamar.
1167
Normally, you're not allowed to touch the students like this when they're in human form.
1168
But, uh, when they're capped, we just have at it.
1169
Sports!
1170
Everybody loves sports.
1171
It's true.
1172
Not everybody.
1173
The hallways are a bluster with the conversation of our quidditches.
1174
Half the team is back here riding mops.
1175
We got two little ns on Swiffer.
1176
Lester!
1177
When all is said and done, the average Clortho student said,
1178
This mother, sometimes the kids think it's cute to turn themselves into a rat.
1179
Sneak into my office, play a little joke on me.
1180
Who is that?
1181
Tyrone, is that, is that?
1182
No, that's an actual rat.
1183
There he is.
1184
Hey, what's up?
1185
What's up, man?
1186
Hey, here's the deal.
1187
100 % grass -fed Japanese Kobe beef.
1188
Thirty -five dollars a pound.
1189
That's what I'm talking about.
1190
All right, let's grill these little homies up Right, all right.
1191
Oh, man, is that ground chuck, man?
1192
No offense, I ain't trying to park my Bentley next to your Toyota, you know what I'm saying?
1193
Come on, man.
1194
Oh, you're just putting them right next to the frozen pan.
1195
Yeah, all right.
1196
Hey, relax, man.
1197
I'm gonna cook them good.
1198
Okay.
1199
All right, so how's Theresa doing?
1200
She's good.
1201
She's good.
1202
She's sad she couldn't be here.
1203
You know, she's got a closing today.
1204
You want to flash cook those because they real lean, you know, They're grass -fed, so you just want to probably flip them right, right now.
1205
Hey, who wants cheese on their burger?
1206
Nobody!
1207
Nobody.
1208
Nobody wants cheese!
1209
Anybody want a double burger?
1210
No, nobody wants a double burger.
1211
We're not going to double.
1212
That's like putting a diamond ring on a pig.
1213
I'm sorry, but the grass that these cows ate cost more than this house.
1214
All right.
1215
No double burgers.
1216
Hey.
1217
What the hell?
1218
You may as well just poop on that.
1219
What?
1220
You just ketchup -raped my Kobe burger.
1221
This was a mistake.
1222
This...
1223
No.
1224
No. no no no no no no no no see this
1225
meat came all the way over here from the pacific ocean
1226
by boat because the air pressure wouldn't ruin its integrity okay give me that You are not worthy.
1227
Give me that, brother.
1228
All right.
1229
This is ridiculous.
1230
It's $126 worth of beef.
1231
Y 'all not worthy.
1232
Did he take my dog?
1233
Hey, all I know is it's good having another brother move into the neighborhood.
1234
Hey, man, it's good to have you over.
1235
And I think that you will dig this.
1236
All right.
1237
Hey.
1238
Hey!
1239
Huh?
1240
Nice guitar collection.
1241
Oh, thanks, man.
1242
Hey, you want to hear something?
1243
Yeah, sure.
1244
All right.
1245
All right.
1246
Let's get this twist.
1247
Hold on, let's twist.
1248
Well, I'm just a good old American boy with a heart that's red, white, and true.
1249
Dreaming of the girl with the red hair and freckles and her eyes like the skies of blue.
1250
Country music.
1251
Yeah, I grew up in Texas, you know, so.
1252
Keep her safe from the homies in the wrong side of town Where they're smoking the reefer
1253
and acting like clowns Keep that pretty white dress from getting dirty and brown Cause that's the American way Woohoo!
1254
Oh, pretty racist song Racist against who?
1255
Black people Black people?
1256
But I'm black!
1257
Well, keeping the red -headed girl away from the homies on the wrong side of town?
1258
Homies?
1259
Come on, brother.
1260
There's all kinds of homies.
1261
White homies, Asian homies.
1262
No, homies are black.
1263
No, I think you're making them black, man.
1264
I think that's your stuff.
1265
You hear the twang, and then you assume that it's racist.
1266
But that's just what country music is like.
1267
Look, you're gonna like this one.
1268
You'll like this one.
1269
Alright.
1270
some folks wear their hats way off to the side with their pants down low
1271
and a gun tucked inside take their beer by the 40
1272
and their chicken deep fried i think we all know who we're talking about
1273
the only dark i like is
1274
when i turn off the lights the only hood i love is pointy
1275
and white and trust you
1276
if i can't see your face at night i think we all know who we're talking about Wait, wait, hey.
1277
Stop that.
1278
That's racist.
1279
What's what?
1280
What is racist about it?
1281
The only hood I love is pointy and white.
1282
Yeah, man.
1283
Let's talk about the Klan, man.
1284
The Ku Klux Klan?
1285
Are you outside of your mind?
1286
That's traditional country music imagery, man.
1287
Like a pickup truck or sleeping under the stars or your dog got killed or your wife left you.
1288
Same thing.
1289
I would have been fine with any of those things.
1290
What is the difference between those things and what is in the song?
1291
No, they're not racial!
1292
Hey, you know what, can I just say something, man?
1293
I'm just gonna be frank.
1294
You're getting a little, like, Al Sharpton, like, Farrakhan on me right now, man.
1295
Oh my God, are you serious?
1296
No, dude, dude, please, hey, give me, you know what, can I do one more?
1297
Let me just do one more, dawg.
1298
I absolutely promise you that this song is not racist, and it's impossible for you to misinterpret it as such.
1299
Okay, it seems like you're about to sing the most racist song so far.
1300
I'm not.
1301
Hide it, hide it, hide it, leave.
1302
Get me a rope and find me a tree.
1303
OK.
1304
I'm out.
1305
Come on, man.
1306
Hey.
1307
Shit.
1308
Over here trying to sing about a tire swing.
1309
You can write off an entire genre of music.
1310
The banjos are strummin' and the drums are a -bangin'.
1311
Let's get the boys together and have ourselves a -hanging.
1312
Oh, damn.
1313
Now I see it.
1314
Now I see it.
הורד אפליקציה
כל מה שאתה צריך כדי לדבר בשטף
הגיית AIציון לכל משפט
תרגול IPAשלוט בכל צליל
אוצר מיליםבנה את מאגר המילים שלך
משחק אוצר מיליםלמד תוך כדי משחק
אותו ערוץ
B11
Boarding a Plane Shouldn’t Be This Hard - Key & Peele
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B27
Town Hall Audience Member - Key & Peele
American AccentDaily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B11
Dueling Hats - Key & Peele
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B12
Pucker up, bro. | #Shorts #keyandpeele
American AccentTeensDaily ConversationHigh School Students
B12
Mr. Garvey Is Your Substitute Teacher - Key & Peele
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Nobody Wants to Help You Move - Key & Peele
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B1That One Friend Who Makes Everything Awkward - Key & Peele
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FOR YOU
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אוצר מילים והערות הגייה לשיעור הזה
שיעור הדיבור הזה ברמה B2 מבוסס על הסרטון “Most Watched of 2021 - Key & Peele”. בסרטון הזה יש 1308 משפטים ו-8604 מילים לתרגול Shadowing. הדיבור נמשך 59:13. הדובר שומר על קצב יציב של כ-145 מילים בדקה, קצב נוח לתרגול Shadowing. 83% מהמילים נמצאות בין 3,000 המילים הנפוצות ביותר באנגלית; כדאי ללמוד את השאר לפני שמתחילים. 237 מתוך 1308 המשפטים שלו הם שאלות, כך שזה תרגול טוב לאינטונציה של שאלות ולתשובות קצרות.
אוצר מילים מרכזי בסרטון הזה
15 המילים המתקדמות ביותר בסרטון, עם ההגייה והמשמעות שלהן:
| מילה | הגייה | משמעות |
|---|---|---|
| falcon שם עצם | /ˈfælkən/ | בז |
| zombie שם עצם | /ˈzɑmbi/ | זוֹמְבִּי |
| homie שם עצם | /ˈhoʊ.mi/ | סַחְבָּק |
| arrow שם עצם | /ˈæɹəʊ/ | חֵץ |
| lunge שם עצם | /lʌnd͡ʒ/ | זינוק, תנועה קדימה עם חרב |
| armor שם עצם | /ˈɑːɹ.mɚ/ | שִׁרְיוֹן |
| beaker שם עצם | /ˈbiːkɚ/ | גָבִיעַ |
| zipline שם עצם | /ˈzɪpˌlaɪn/ | אוֹמֶגָה |
| skate שם עצם | /skeɪt/ | מַחְלִיק |
| beam שם עצם | /ˈbiːm/ | קוֹרַת רֹחַב |
| spaceship שם עצם | חֲלָלִית, סְפִינַת חָלָל | |
| vomit פועל | /ˈvɑmɪt/ | הֵקִיא |
| astronaut שם עצם | /ˈæstɹəˌnɔt/ | אַסְטְרוֹנָאוּט |
| tick שם עצם | /tɪk/ | קַרְצִיָּה |
| yell פועל | /jɛl/ | צָרַח |
Phrasal verbs שתשמעו
| מילה | הגייה | משמעות |
|---|---|---|
| come back פועל | שָׁב | |
| shut up | /ʃʌt ʌp/ | שתוק, סתום |
| stand up פועל | קָם | |
| check out פועל | בדק | |
| come out פועל | /ˌkʌm ˈaʊt/ | יָצָא |
| go out פועל | יָצָא | |
| pick up פועל | הרים, אסף | |
| turn off פועל | כיבה, כִּבָּה |
משפטים שכדאי לחזור עליהם
משפטים קצרים ושלמים מהסרטון שאפשר להשתמש בהם בשיחה יומיומית:
- You know, you hear what we're saying to you?
- You don't think I didn't press it?
- Why would you do something that's already done?
- Do you think I'm dumber than a rat?
- Why can't you just beam them up?
דקדוק בסרטון הזה
המבנים שהדובר משתמש בהם הכי הרבה, עם המילים המדויקות מהסרטון:
| מבנה | בסרטון |
|---|---|
| הווה מושלם ממושך (Present perfect continuous) have/has been + -ing — פעולה שהתחילה בעבר ועדיין נמשכת עכשיו | I've been standing · we've been standing · I've been saying |
| הווה מושלם (Present perfect) have/has + past participle — פעולה שקרתה בעבר ועדיין יש לה חשיבות או השפעה עכשיו | have killed · has gone · it's been pressed |
| סביל (Passive voice) be + past participle — הדגש הוא על מה שקורה, לא על מי שעושה את הפעולה | being murdered · was designed · been pressed |
הגייה ששווה לשים לב אליה
הדובר משתמש ב-356 קיצורים וצורות מקוצרות, כמו I'm, don't, you're. אמרו אותם בצורה הקצרה, כפי שאתם שומעים אותם.
- הצלילים של “th”: earthly /ˈəːθli/, grandmother /ˈɡɹæn(d)ˌmʌðɚ/
- הצלילים של “sh” ו-“zh”: gosh /ɡɑːʃ/, bonjour /bɒnˈʒʊə/, shotgun /ˈʃɑtɡʌn/, instruction /ɪnˈstɹʌkʃən/, genre /ˈ(d)ʒɑnɹə/
- מילים ארוכות — שימו לב להטעמה: ambivalence /æmˈbɪvələns/, identification /aɪˌdɛn(t)ɪfɪˈkeɪʃn̩/
צלילים שדוברי עברית מתקשים בהם:
- /w/ — שפתיים מעוגלות, לא /v/: whatnot /ˈwʌt.nɑt/, hallway /ˈhɔlˌweɪ/, whoa /woʊ/, wallet /ˈwɑl.ət/
- /æ/ — פתוח יותר מה-“אֶ” העברית, לא כמו “a” ב-“cup”: falcon /ˈfælkən/, arrow /ˈæɹəʊ/, ambivalence /æmˈbɪvələns/, blaster /ˈblæs.təɹ/, astronaut /ˈæstɹəˌnɔt/
- /r/ — הלשון לא נוגעת בשום מקום, לא ה-“ר” הגרונית: arrow /ˈæɹəʊ/, armor /ˈɑːɹ.mɚ/, grill /ɡɹɪl/, roller /ˈɹoʊlɚ/, blaster /ˈblæs.təɹ/
איך לתרגל עם הסרטון הזה
- הקשיבו לכל הסרטון פעם אחת בלי לדבר, ורשמו את המילים שאתם לא מכירים.
- תרגלו Shadowing משפט אחר משפט במהירות רגילה, וחזרו על כל משפט עד שהקצב שלכם תואם את הדובר.
- הקליטו את עצמכם והשוו למקור, תוך תשומת לב למילים כמו falcon, zombie, homie.
מהי טכניקת השאדואינג?
שאדואינג היא טכניקת למידת שפה מבוססת מדע שפותחה במקור להכשרת מתורגמנים מקצועיים ופופולרית על ידי הפוליגלוט ד"ר אלכסנדר ארגואלס. השיטה פשוטה אך עוצמתית: אתה מקשיב לאודיו באנגלית ילידית וחוזר עליו בקול רם מיד — כמו צל העוקב אחרי הדובר עם עיכוב של 1–2 שניות בלבד. בניגוד להאזנה פסיבית או תרגילי דקדוק, שאדואינג מכריח את המוח והשרירים בפה לעבד ולשחזר דפוסי דיבור אמיתיים בו זמנית. מחקרים מראים שזה משפר משמעותית את דיוק ההגייה, האינטונציה, הקצב, הדיבור המחובר, הבנת השמיעה ושטף הדיבור — מה שהופך אותו לאחת השיטות היעילות ביותר להכנה לIELTS Speaking ולתקשורת באנגלית בעולם האמיתי.