Shadowing Practice: How To Stop Obsessing Over Someone - Learn English Speaking with Video
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Have you ever found yourself trapped in a cycle of relentless thoughts about someone?
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Maybe it's an ex who broke your heart, or a crush who doesn't reciprocate your feelings.
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Whatever the case, obsessing over someone can be mentally exhausting and emotionally draining.
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But fear not, because there are ways to untangle yourself from this mental web and regain your peace of mind.
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Here are some psychology-backed strategies on how to stop obsessing over someone.
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Recognize the illusion Obsession happens when we project our desires onto someone who's unavailable and over-idealize them.
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Realistically, you probably know only about 10% of who that person truly is, and then you fill in the rest,
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and it's that 90% that you're actually obsessed with.
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You long for someone that doesn't exist.
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the idea potential and the fantasy of what could be
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and perhaps you don't even really want them perhaps you simply
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want them to want you to break free from this illusion reflect on what underlying needs
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or insecurities might be driving your obsession are you seeking validation acceptance
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or a sense of belonging through your fixation on this person by gaining insight into the deeper motivations behind your behavior.
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You can address these needs in healthier ways, like through self-validation, building strong relationships with friends and family,
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or seeking professional therapy.
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Embrace reality.
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Ever caught yourself lost in a whirlwind of thoughts about that special someone?
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replaying conversations, or imagining future scenarios, mindfulness can be a powerful antidote to obsessive thinking.
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Take some time each day to practice mindfulness meditation or activities that can help you focus on being present in the moment,
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like painting, journaling, running, dancing, or playing music.
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When intrusive thoughts about the person pop up,
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acknowledge them without judgment and gently guide your attention back to the present.
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By grounding yourself in the here and now,
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you can disentangle from obsessive thoughts and find peace within yourself. Do an emotional detox.
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When you're obsessed with someone, you probably have compulsive behaviors that reinforce and intensify the cycle of obsession.
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For example, stalking them on social media, rereading your conversations, and replaying imagined scenarios in your head.
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Just as you cleanse your body with a detox, it's essential to detoxify your mind from thoughts and emotions that no longer serve you.
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Start by setting boundaries for yourself.
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Unfollow them on social media.
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Stop bringing them up in conversations and limit your interactions with them.
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Create some distance to help you heal and find better things to fill your life with, like learning a new skill, focusing on your friends and family,
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or pursuing something you're passionate about.
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Cultivate radical self-love.
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When we harbor doubts about our worthiness or desirability, we may seek validation and fulfillment externally,
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fixating on others to fill the void within ourselves.
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But once we cultivate more love, acceptance, and compassion towards ourselves,
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we begin to recognize that our worthiness does not hinge on the approval or affection of others.
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Radical self-love is a powerful antidote to obsession, as it shifts our focus inward towards nurturing our own happiness and well-being.
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So create a self-care routine to practice daily.
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Practice positive affirmations or self-love and self-worth, and engage in more activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.
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Let go of attachment.
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Obsessive thoughts often arise from a resistance to accepting reality as it is.
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Practice the art of detachment by letting go of the need to control outcomes
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or force closure with the person you're obsessing over.
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Accept that you may never get all the answers or closure you desire and focus instead on finding peace within yourself.
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Embrace uncertainty as a natural part of life and trust that you have the strength to navigate whatever comes your way.
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Seek support.
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Don't hesitate to lean on your support system during this time, whether it's friends, family, or a therapist.
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Having someone to talk to can provide valuable insight and perspective.
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Their support, or even just their presence, can remind you that you don't have to overcome this struggle alone,
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and they can be a safe space for you to explore your feelings and discover healthier ways of relating to others.
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So, did you learn anything valuable from this video?
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Do you have any tips of your own on how to overcome an obsession?
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Share your insights in the comments down below.
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Subscribe to our channel for more insightful content on personal growth and psychology, like how to detach yourself from someone you love.
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Don't forget to like and share this video before you go.
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Thanks for watching.
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This B2 speaking lesson is built on the video “How To Stop Obsessing Over Someone”. The speaker keeps coming back to these words: thoughts, self, obsession, practice, obsessing. This video has 58 sentences and 769 words to shadow. The speech runs for 5:28. The speaker talks at a steady 141 words per minute, a comfortable pace for shadowing. Only 80% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English, so the vocabulary is demanding.
Key vocabulary in this video
The 15 most advanced words in the video, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| obsess verb | /əbˈsɛs/ | To be preoccupied with a single topic or emotion. |
| obsession noun | /əbˈsɛʃən/ | The quality of being obsessed; an unshakeable feeling that one topic or activity must be pursued above other interests. |
| obsessive adjective | /əbˈsɛs.ɪv/ | Prone to cause obsession. |
| validation noun | /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/ | The act of validating something. |
| insight noun | /ˈɪnsaɪ̯t/ | A sight or view of the interior of anything; a deep inspection or view; introspection; frequently used with into. |
| antidote noun | /ˈæn.tɪ.doʊt/ | A remedy to counteract the effects of poison. |
| cultivate verb | /ˈkʌltɪveɪt/ | To grow plants, notably crops. |
| detox noun | /ˈdiːtɒks/ | Detoxification, especially of the body from alcohol or addictive drugs. |
| fulfilment noun | /fʊlˈfɪl.mənt/ | The act of fulfilling or the state or quality of being fulfilled; consummation; completion; realization. |
| mindfulness noun | /ˈmaɪn(d)fʊlnəs/ | Awareness. |
| worthiness noun | /ˈwɜː(ɹ)ðɪnəs/ | The state or quality of having value or merit. |
| replay noun | /ˈɹiːpleɪ/ | An act or instance of replaying (of playing something, such as a game, again); a replaying of (something). |
| illusion noun | /ɪˈl(j)uːʒ(ə)n/ | A distortion of sensory perception where real stimuli lead to a false or misleading impression of reality. |
| closure noun | /ˈkloʊ.ʒɚ/ | An event or occurrence that signifies an ending. |
| embrace verb | /ɛmˈbɹes/ | To clasp (someone or each other) in the arms with affection; to take in the arms; to hug. |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Meaning |
|---|---|
| pop up verb | To come up with a "pop" sound. |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 10 contractions and reduced forms, such as don't, you're, doesn't. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “th” sounds: worthiness /ˈwɜː(ɹ)ðɪnəs/, therapist /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: obsession /əbˈsɛʃən/, validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/, illusion /ɪˈl(j)uːʒ(ə)n/, closure /ˈkloʊ.ʒɚ/, affirmation /æfɝˈmeɪʃn/
- Long words — get the stress right: validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/, disentangle [ˌdɪsɪnˈtæŋɡəɫ], intensify /ɪnˈtɛnsɪfaɪ/, reciprocate /ɹɪˈsɪpɹəˌkeɪt/, unavailable /ˌʌnəˈveɪləbəl/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Shadow it sentence by sentence at normal speed, repeating each one until your rhythm matches the speaker.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like obsess, obsession, obsessive.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.