跟读练习: Why We Go Cold On Our Partners - 通过视频学习英语口语

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The story of the path to coldness in love is well known.

We start off full of affection for one another and then, with time, feelings fade.

We start prioritising work.

We check our phones while they're speaking.

We don't especially want to hear how their day went.

There's a popular surface explanation for this kind of emotional frost.

That people naturally get bored of one another in the same

way as they get bored with everything else – the gadget that once seemed so amazing, the film they used to love.

Going cold is, in this story, simply the unavoidable consequence of familiarity.

But there's another explanation, darker at first, but in the end more hopeful.

The loss of interest isn't either natural or inevitable.

The boredom is something at once more complicated and more active.

It exists because we feel hurt by,

angry with or scared of our partner and because we haven't found a cathartic way to tell ourselves or them about it.

Tuning out isn't inevitable, it's a symptom of disavowed emotional distress.

It's a way of coping.

We're internally numbed, not just a touch board.

This can sound strange.

After all, we might have no active sense that our partner has been hurting, angering or frightening us.

The idea appears laughable or extreme.

It makes our partner sound like monsters or ourselves like weaklings, neither of which is true.

But the self that loves within a relationship is not the normal adult self we know from other zones of our lives.

We may mostly be hugely resourceful and resilient, but the person who loves is an infinitely more vulnerable being.

We should imagine it like a smaller, younger, more defenseless version of ourselves that lives in our heads

and is no tougher and not much wiser than we were as babies,

which is when so many of our needs for and ideas about love were formed.

It's this vulnerable self that continues to direct our hearts, even if we're six foot two with a pointy beard.

The loving self has a gossamer -thin ego.

It gets hurt, frightened and upset with desperate ease.

You could deeply distress it by interrupting it during a story it's telling you about the sandwich it had for lunch,

by not asking it enough about the little spot it got on its arm yesterday, by preferring a book to cuddling,

or being a bit tricky about what channel it should watch on TV.

Of course, these are, by ordinary adult standards, tiny slights.

But we don't love by adult standards.

These small arrows are enough to wound the self that loves to its tender emotional core.

Ideally, of course, the small self would at once point out what's happened.

It would carefully explain that it had been frustrated and hurt.

Its voice would be measured, undefensive, and charming.

But mostly, it just stays silent.

That's forgivable.

It doesn't properly understand what's wrong.

It just knows it's in pain and is driven by an instinct to withdraw and protect itself, which translates into behavior that looks pretty cold.

If the adult self had to give voice to the loving self's upset, it could sound and feel absurd, which is partly why it doesn't.

There can be something especially humiliating in having to say, I don't feel you took enough interest in the details of my lunch break,

or I'm 45 years old but not capable of sharing a TV remote control.

These truly are small issues for an adult to dwell on,

but the parts of us that make themselves vulnerable in love don't obey the ordinary adult rules.

The consequence is that the loving self dries up.

It doesn't want to have sex.

It gets sarcastic and irritable.

But it doesn't even know why it's like this.

It isn't putting on an act.

It's confused.

To learn to cope, we need a prominent mutual awareness

and forgiveness of this dynamic of sensitivity and distress and a commitment to decode it when disengagement and indifference descend.

We have to create a forum in which so -called minor love -sapping hurts can safely be aired,

without the other dismissing, as they always so easily can, the issues at stake as childish or imagined.

The touchiness of the loving self is ridiculous, if judged by the more robust standards of the rest of life.

But this is not the rest of life.

When we've gone cold, we may not truly have lost interest in our partners we might just need an opportunity to imagine

that we are quietly really rather hurt and furious with them.

And we should have access to a safe forum in which our tender but critical feelings can be aired, purged and understood without risk of humiliation.

Thank you.

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FOR YOU

本课的词汇与口语要点

这节口语课以视频“Why We Go Cold On Our Partners”为素材。视频中反复出现的词有：self, adult, hurt, loving, partner。这段视频共有 28 个句子、792 个单词可供跟读。讲话部分时长为 4:56。说话人语速自然，每分钟约 161 个词，接近日常对话。只有 80% 的单词属于英语最常用的 3,000 词，词汇难度较高。

视频中的重点词汇

视频中 15 个值得学习的单词，附发音和释义：

单词	发音	释义
vulnerable 形容词	/ˈvʌln(ə)ɹəbl̩/	脆弱的, 敏感的
bore 动词	/boɹ/	煩擾 /烦扰
explanation 名词	/ˌɛkspləˈneɪʃən/	解釋 /解释, 說明 /说明
ordinary 形容词	/ˈɔɹdɪnɛɹi/	普通, 平常
forum 名词	/ˈfɔːɹəm/	論壇 /论坛, 座談會 /座谈会
tender 形容词	/ˈtɛn.dɚ/	溫柔 /温柔
inevitable 形容词	/ɪˈnɛvɪtəbəl/	不可避免, 總會 /总会
consequence 名词	/ˈkɑn.sɪ.kwəns/	後果 /后果, 結果 /结果
complicated 形容词	/ˈkɑm.plɪˌkeɪ.tɪd/	複雜 /复杂
confused 形容词	/kənˈfjuːzd/	困惑
thin 形容词	/ˈθɪn/	бә, 薄
carefully 副词	/ˈkɛɹf(ə)li/	小心地
ridiculous 形容词	/ɹɪˈdɪk.jə.ləs/	可笑, 荒謬 /荒谬
silent 形容词	/ˈsaɪ̯lənt/	安靜 /安静, 恬靜 /恬静
awareness 名词	/əˈwɛɹ.nəs/	意識 /意识, 覺悟 /觉悟

视频中出现的短语动词

单词	释义
point out 动词	指, 指出
tune out 动词	换台, 调台

视频中的语法

说话人最常用的结构，并附上视频中的原话：

结构	视频中的用法
被动语态 be + 过去分词 — 强调发生了什么，而不是谁做的	were formed · had been frustrated · would be measured
现在完成时 have/has + 过去分词 — 过去发生但与现在仍有关联的事	haven't found · we've gone
定语从句 who / which + 从句 — 补充说明人或事物	person who loves · absurd, which is

需要注意的发音

说话人用了 18 次缩略和弱读形式，例如 doesn't, don't, isn't。请按听到的简短形式来说。

“th” 音: thin /ˈθɪn/, withdraw /wɪðˈdɹɔ/
“sh” 和 “zh” 音: explanation /ˌɛkspləˈneɪʃən/, affection /əˈfɛk.ʃən/, childish /ˈt͡ʃaɪldɪʃ/, humiliation /hjuːˌmɪliˈeɪʃən/
长单词——注意重音位置: explanation /ˌɛkspləˈneɪʃən/, ordinary /ˈɔɹdɪnɛɹi/, inevitable /ɪˈnɛvɪtəbəl/, naturally /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/, complicated /ˈkɑm.plɪˌkeɪ.tɪd/

中文母语者容易读错的音：

/v/ — 不要读成 /w/，上齿轻触下唇: vulnerable /ˈvʌln(ə)ɹəbl̩/, inevitable /ɪˈnɛvɪtəbəl/, sensitivity /ˌsɛn.səˈtɪv.ə.ti/, forgiveness /fɚˈɡɪvnəs/, disavow /dɪsəˈvaʊ/
词尾辅音 — 要读清楚，后面不要加元音: distress /dɪˈstɹɛs/, consequence /ˈkɑn.sɪ.kwəns/, complicated /ˈkɑm.plɪˌkeɪ.tɪd/, confused /kənˈfjuːzd/, ridiculous /ɹɪˈdɪk.jə.ləs/
/r/ 和 /l/ 的区别: vulnerable /ˈvʌln(ə)ɹəbl̩/, naturally /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/, carefully /ˈkɛɹf(ə)li/, ridiculous /ɹɪˈdɪk.jə.ləs/, partly /ˈpɑɹtli/

如何用这段视频练习

先完整听一遍视频，不要开口，记下不认识的单词。
先用 0.75 倍速逐句跟读，熟练之后再回到正常速度。
录下自己的声音并与原声对比，特别注意 vulnerable, bore, explanation 这类单词。

什么是跟读法？

跟读法 (Shadowing) 是一种有科学依据的语言学习技巧，最初开发用于专业口译员的培训，并由多语言者Alexander Arguelles博士普及。这个方法简单而强大：您在听英语母语原声的同时立即大声重复——就像是一个延迟1-2秒紧跟说话者的影子。与被动听力或语法练习不同，跟读法强迫您的大脑和口腔肌肉同时处理并模仿真实的讲话模式。研究表明它能显着提高发音准确性，语调，节奏，连读，听力理解和口语流利度——使其成为雅思口语备考和真实英语交流最有效的方法之一。

影子跟读法: 阅读完整分步指南 →

跟读练习: Why We Go Cold On Our Partners - 通过视频学习英语口语

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