跟讀練習: Why We Go Cold On Our Partners - 通過影片學習英語口語

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The story of the path to coldness in love is well known.

We start off full of affection for one another and then, with time, feelings fade.

We start prioritising work.

We check our phones while they're speaking.

We don't especially want to hear how their day went.

There's a popular surface explanation for this kind of emotional frost.

That people naturally get bored of one another in the same

way as they get bored with everything else – the gadget that once seemed so amazing, the film they used to love.

Going cold is, in this story, simply the unavoidable consequence of familiarity.

But there's another explanation, darker at first, but in the end more hopeful.

The loss of interest isn't either natural or inevitable.

The boredom is something at once more complicated and more active.

It exists because we feel hurt by,

angry with or scared of our partner and because we haven't found a cathartic way to tell ourselves or them about it.

Tuning out isn't inevitable, it's a symptom of disavowed emotional distress.

It's a way of coping.

We're internally numbed, not just a touch board.

This can sound strange.

After all, we might have no active sense that our partner has been hurting, angering or frightening us.

The idea appears laughable or extreme.

It makes our partner sound like monsters or ourselves like weaklings, neither of which is true.

But the self that loves within a relationship is not the normal adult self we know from other zones of our lives.

We may mostly be hugely resourceful and resilient, but the person who loves is an infinitely more vulnerable being.

We should imagine it like a smaller, younger, more defenseless version of ourselves that lives in our heads

and is no tougher and not much wiser than we were as babies,

which is when so many of our needs for and ideas about love were formed.

It's this vulnerable self that continues to direct our hearts, even if we're six foot two with a pointy beard.

The loving self has a gossamer -thin ego.

It gets hurt, frightened and upset with desperate ease.

You could deeply distress it by interrupting it during a story it's telling you about the sandwich it had for lunch,

by not asking it enough about the little spot it got on its arm yesterday, by preferring a book to cuddling,

or being a bit tricky about what channel it should watch on TV.

Of course, these are, by ordinary adult standards, tiny slights.

But we don't love by adult standards.

These small arrows are enough to wound the self that loves to its tender emotional core.

Ideally, of course, the small self would at once point out what's happened.

It would carefully explain that it had been frustrated and hurt.

Its voice would be measured, undefensive, and charming.

But mostly, it just stays silent.

That's forgivable.

It doesn't properly understand what's wrong.

It just knows it's in pain and is driven by an instinct to withdraw and protect itself, which translates into behavior that looks pretty cold.

If the adult self had to give voice to the loving self's upset, it could sound and feel absurd, which is partly why it doesn't.

There can be something especially humiliating in having to say, I don't feel you took enough interest in the details of my lunch break,

or I'm 45 years old but not capable of sharing a TV remote control.

These truly are small issues for an adult to dwell on,

but the parts of us that make themselves vulnerable in love don't obey the ordinary adult rules.

The consequence is that the loving self dries up.

It doesn't want to have sex.

It gets sarcastic and irritable.

But it doesn't even know why it's like this.

It isn't putting on an act.

It's confused.

To learn to cope, we need a prominent mutual awareness

and forgiveness of this dynamic of sensitivity and distress and a commitment to decode it when disengagement and indifference descend.

We have to create a forum in which so -called minor love -sapping hurts can safely be aired,

without the other dismissing, as they always so easily can, the issues at stake as childish or imagined.

The touchiness of the loving self is ridiculous, if judged by the more robust standards of the rest of life.

But this is not the rest of life.

When we've gone cold, we may not truly have lost interest in our partners we might just need an opportunity to imagine

that we are quietly really rather hurt and furious with them.

And we should have access to a safe forum in which our tender but critical feelings can be aired, purged and understood without risk of humiliation.

Thank you.

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本課的詞彙與口語要點

這節口語課以影片“Why We Go Cold On Our Partners”為素材。影片中反覆出現的詞有：self, adult, hurt, loving, partner。這段影片共有 28 個句子、792 個單詞可供跟讀。講話部分時長為 4:56。說話人語速自然，每分鐘約 161 個詞，接近日常對話。只有 80% 的單詞屬於英語最常用的 3,000 詞，詞彙難度較高。

影片中的重點詞彙

影片中 15 個值得學習的單詞，附發音和釋義：

單詞	發音	釋義
vulnerable 形容詞	/ˈvʌln(ə)ɹəbl̩/	脆弱的, 敏感的
bore 動詞	/boɹ/	煩擾 /煩擾
explanation 名詞	/ˌɛkspləˈneɪʃən/	解釋 /解釋, 說明 /說明
ordinary 形容詞	/ˈɔɹdɪnɛɹi/	普通, 平常
forum 名詞	/ˈfɔːɹəm/	論壇 /論壇, 座談會 /座談會
tender 形容詞	/ˈtɛn.dɚ/	溫柔 /溫柔
inevitable 形容詞	/ɪˈnɛvɪtəbəl/	不可避免, 總會 /總會
consequence 名詞	/ˈkɑn.sɪ.kwəns/	後果 /後果, 結果 /結果
complicated 形容詞	/ˈkɑm.plɪˌkeɪ.tɪd/	複雜 /複雜
confused 形容詞	/kənˈfjuːzd/	困惑
thin 形容詞	/ˈθɪn/	бә, 薄
carefully 副詞	/ˈkɛɹf(ə)li/	小心地
ridiculous 形容詞	/ɹɪˈdɪk.jə.ləs/	可笑, 荒謬 /荒謬
silent 形容詞	/ˈsaɪ̯lənt/	安靜 /安靜, 恬靜 /恬靜
awareness 名詞	/əˈwɛɹ.nəs/	意識 /意識, 覺悟 /覺悟

影片中出現的短語動詞

單詞	釋義
point out 動詞	指, 指出
tune out 動詞	換臺, 調臺

影片中的語法

說話人最常用的結構，並附上影片中的原話：

結構	影片中的用法
被動語態 be + 過去分詞 — 強調發生了什麼，而不是誰做的	were formed · had been frustrated · would be measured
現在完成時 have/has + 過去分詞 — 過去發生但與現在仍有關聯的事	haven't found · we've gone
定語從句 who / which + 從句 — 補充說明人或事物	person who loves · absurd, which is

需要注意的發音

說話人用了 18 次縮略和弱讀形式，例如 doesn't, don't, isn't。請按聽到的簡短形式來說。

“th” 音: thin /ˈθɪn/, withdraw /wɪðˈdɹɔ/
“sh” 和 “zh” 音: explanation /ˌɛkspləˈneɪʃən/, affection /əˈfɛk.ʃən/, childish /ˈt͡ʃaɪldɪʃ/, humiliation /hjuːˌmɪliˈeɪʃən/
長單詞——注意重音位置: explanation /ˌɛkspləˈneɪʃən/, ordinary /ˈɔɹdɪnɛɹi/, inevitable /ɪˈnɛvɪtəbəl/, naturally /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/, complicated /ˈkɑm.plɪˌkeɪ.tɪd/

中文母語者容易讀錯的音：

/v/ — 不要讀成 /w/，上齒輕觸下唇: vulnerable /ˈvʌln(ə)ɹəbl̩/, inevitable /ɪˈnɛvɪtəbəl/, sensitivity /ˌsɛn.səˈtɪv.ə.ti/, forgiveness /fɚˈɡɪvnəs/, disavow /dɪsəˈvaʊ/
詞尾子音 — 要讀清楚，後面不要加母音: distress /dɪˈstɹɛs/, consequence /ˈkɑn.sɪ.kwəns/, complicated /ˈkɑm.plɪˌkeɪ.tɪd/, confused /kənˈfjuːzd/, ridiculous /ɹɪˈdɪk.jə.ləs/
/r/ 和 /l/ 的區別: vulnerable /ˈvʌln(ə)ɹəbl̩/, naturally /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/, carefully /ˈkɛɹf(ə)li/, ridiculous /ɹɪˈdɪk.jə.ləs/, partly /ˈpɑɹtli/

如何用這段影片練習

先完整聽一遍影片，不要開口，記下不認識的單詞。
先用 0.75 倍速逐句跟讀，熟練之後再回到正常速度。
錄下自己的聲音並與原聲對比，特別注意 vulnerable, bore, explanation 這類單詞。

什麼是跟讀法？

跟讀法 (Shadowing) 是一種有科學依據的語言學習技巧，最初開發用於專業口譯員的培訓，並由多語言者Alexander Arguelles博士普及。這個方法簡單而強大：您在聽英語母語原聲的同時立即大聲重複——就像是一個延遲1-2秒緊跟說話者的影子。與被動聽力或語法練習不同，跟讀法強迫您的大腦和口腔肌肉同時處理並模模擬實的講話模式。研究表明它能顯著提高發音準確性，語調，節奏，連讀，聽力理解和口語流利度——使其成為雅思口語備考和真實英語交流最有效的方法之一。

影子跟讀法: 閱讀完整分步指南 →

跟讀練習: Why We Go Cold On Our Partners - 通過影片學習英語口語

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