Prática de Shadowing: Why We Go Cold On Our Partners - Aprenda a falar inglês com vídeo
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The story of the path to coldness in love is well known.
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We start off full of affection for one another and then, with time, feelings fade.
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We start prioritising work.
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We check our phones while they're speaking.
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We don't especially want to hear how their day went.
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There's a popular surface explanation for this kind of emotional frost.
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That people naturally get bored of one another in the same
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way as they get bored with everything else – the gadget that once seemed so amazing, the film they used to love.
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Going cold is, in this story, simply the unavoidable consequence of familiarity.
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But there's another explanation, darker at first, but in the end more hopeful.
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The loss of interest isn't either natural or inevitable.
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The boredom is something at once more complicated and more active.
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It exists because we feel hurt by,
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angry with or scared of our partner and because we haven't found a cathartic way to tell ourselves or them about it.
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Tuning out isn't inevitable, it's a symptom of disavowed emotional distress.
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It's a way of coping.
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We're internally numbed, not just a touch board.
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This can sound strange.
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After all, we might have no active sense that our partner has been hurting, angering or frightening us.
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The idea appears laughable or extreme.
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It makes our partner sound like monsters or ourselves like weaklings, neither of which is true.
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But the self that loves within a relationship is not the normal adult self we know from other zones of our lives.
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We may mostly be hugely resourceful and resilient, but the person who loves is an infinitely more vulnerable being.
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We should imagine it like a smaller, younger, more defenseless version of ourselves that lives in our heads
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and is no tougher and not much wiser than we were as babies,
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which is when so many of our needs for and ideas about love were formed.
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It's this vulnerable self that continues to direct our hearts, even if we're six foot two with a pointy beard.
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The loving self has a gossamer -thin ego.
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It gets hurt, frightened and upset with desperate ease.
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You could deeply distress it by interrupting it during a story it's telling you about the sandwich it had for lunch,
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by not asking it enough about the little spot it got on its arm yesterday, by preferring a book to cuddling,
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or being a bit tricky about what channel it should watch on TV.
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Of course, these are, by ordinary adult standards, tiny slights.
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But we don't love by adult standards.
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These small arrows are enough to wound the self that loves to its tender emotional core.
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Ideally, of course, the small self would at once point out what's happened.
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It would carefully explain that it had been frustrated and hurt.
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Its voice would be measured, undefensive, and charming.
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But mostly, it just stays silent.
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That's forgivable.
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It doesn't properly understand what's wrong.
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It just knows it's in pain and is driven by an instinct to withdraw and protect itself, which translates into behavior that looks pretty cold.
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If the adult self had to give voice to the loving self's upset, it could sound and feel absurd, which is partly why it doesn't.
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There can be something especially humiliating in having to say, I don't feel you took enough interest in the details of my lunch break,
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or I'm 45 years old but not capable of sharing a TV remote control.
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These truly are small issues for an adult to dwell on,
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but the parts of us that make themselves vulnerable in love don't obey the ordinary adult rules.
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The consequence is that the loving self dries up.
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It doesn't want to have sex.
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It gets sarcastic and irritable.
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But it doesn't even know why it's like this.
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It isn't putting on an act.
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It's confused.
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To learn to cope, we need a prominent mutual awareness
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and forgiveness of this dynamic of sensitivity and distress and a commitment to decode it when disengagement and indifference descend.
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We have to create a forum in which so -called minor love -sapping hurts can safely be aired,
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without the other dismissing, as they always so easily can, the issues at stake as childish or imagined.
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The touchiness of the loving self is ridiculous, if judged by the more robust standards of the rest of life.
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But this is not the rest of life.
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When we've gone cold, we may not truly have lost interest in our partners we might just need an opportunity to imagine
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that we are quietly really rather hurt and furious with them.
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And we should have access to a safe forum in which our tender but critical feelings can be aired, purged and understood without risk of humiliation.
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Thank you.
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Vocabulário e dicas de fala para esta lição
Esta aula de conversação usa o vídeo “Why We Go Cold On Our Partners”. As palavras que mais se repetem: self, adult, hurt, loving, partner. Este vídeo tem 28 frases e 792 palavras para praticar shadowing. A fala dura 4:56. O falante fala em ritmo natural, cerca de 161 palavras por minuto, próximo de uma conversa do dia a dia. Apenas 80% das palavras estão entre as 3.000 mais comuns do inglês, por isso o vocabulário é exigente.
Vocabulário principal deste vídeo
15 palavras do vídeo que vale a pena aprender, com pronúncia e significado:
| Palavra | Pronúncia | Significado |
|---|---|---|
| vulnerable adjetivo | /ˈvʌln(ə)ɹəbl̩/ | vulnerável |
| distress substantivo | /dɪˈstɹɛs/ | desconforto |
| bore verbo | /boɹ/ | chatear, aborrecer |
| explanation substantivo | /ˌɛkspləˈneɪʃən/ | explicação, explanação |
| ordinary adjetivo | /ˈɔɹdɪnɛɹi/ | ordinário, normal |
| forum substantivo | /ˈfɔːɹəm/ | fórum |
| tender adjetivo | /ˈtɛn.dɚ/ | terno |
| inevitable adjetivo | /ɪˈnɛvɪtəbəl/ | inevitável |
| consequence substantivo | /ˈkɑn.sɪ.kwəns/ | consequência, resultado |
| naturally advérbio | /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/ | naturalmente |
| complicated adjetivo | /ˈkɑm.plɪˌkeɪ.tɪd/ | complicado |
| confused adjetivo | /kənˈfjuːzd/ | confuso |
| thin adjetivo | /ˈθɪn/ | fino |
| carefully advérbio | /ˈkɛɹf(ə)li/ | cuidadosamente, cautelosamente |
| ridiculous adjetivo | /ɹɪˈdɪk.jə.ləs/ | ridículo |
Phrasal verbs que você vai ouvir
| Palavra | Significado |
|---|---|
| point out verbo | apontar |
| tune out verbo | trocar estação |
Gramática neste vídeo
As estruturas que o falante mais usa, com as palavras exatas do vídeo:
| Estrutura | No vídeo |
|---|---|
| Voz passiva be + particípio passado — o foco está no que acontece, não em quem faz | were formed · had been frustrated · would be measured |
| Present perfect have/has + particípio passado — uma ação passada que ainda importa agora | haven't found · we've gone |
| Orações relativas who / which + oração — informação extra sobre uma pessoa ou coisa | person who loves · absurd, which is |
Pronúncia para ficar de olho
O falante usa 18 contrações e formas reduzidas, como doesn't, don't, isn't. Diga-as na forma curta, do jeito que você ouve.
- Os sons de “th”: thin /ˈθɪn/, withdraw /wɪðˈdɹɔ/
- Os sons de “sh” e “zh”: explanation /ˌɛkspləˈneɪʃən/, affection /əˈfɛk.ʃən/, childish /ˈt͡ʃaɪldɪʃ/, humiliation /hjuːˌmɪliˈeɪʃən/
- Palavras longas — acerte a sílaba tônica: explanation /ˌɛkspləˈneɪʃən/, ordinary /ˈɔɹdɪnɛɹi/, inevitable /ɪˈnɛvɪtəbəl/, naturally /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/, complicated /ˈkɑm.plɪˌkeɪ.tɪd/
Sons difíceis para falantes de português:
- Consoante final — sem acrescentar um “i” depois: complicated /ˈkɑm.plɪˌkeɪ.tɪd/, confused /kənˈfjuːzd/, silent /ˈsaɪ̯lənt/, commitment /kəˈmɪtmənt/, suck /sʌk/
- /l/ final — a língua toca o céu da boca, não vira “u”: inevitable /ɪˈnɛvɪtəbəl/, mutual /ˈmjuːt͡ʃuəl/, dwell /dwɛl/, unavoidable /ˌʌnəˈvɔɪdəbəl/
- /h/ — um sopro suave, diferente do “r”: hopeful /ˈhoʊpfl̩/, hugely /ˈhjuːd͡ʒli/, humiliation /hjuːˌmɪliˈeɪʃən/, humiliate /hjuːˈmɪliˌeɪt/
Como praticar com este vídeo
- Ouça o vídeo inteiro uma vez sem falar e anote as palavras que você não conhece.
- Comece na velocidade 0,75×, faça shadowing frase por frase e volte à velocidade normal quando ficar fácil.
- Grave a sua voz e compare com o original, prestando atenção a palavras como vulnerable, distress, bore.
O que é a Técnica de Shadowing?
Shadowing é uma técnica de aprendizado de idiomas com base científica, originalmente desenvolvida para o treinamento de intérpretes profissionais. O método é simples, mas poderoso: você ouve áudio em inglês nativo e repete imediatamente em voz alta — como uma sombra seguindo o falante com 1-2 segundos de atraso. Pesquisas mostram melhora significativa na precisão da pronúncia, entonação, ritmo, sons conectados, compreensão auditiva e fluência na fala.