Pratique du Shadowing: Why We Go Cold On Our Partners - Apprendre l'anglais à l'oral avec la vidéo
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The story of the path to coldness in love is well known.
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We start off full of affection for one another and then, with time, feelings fade.
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We start prioritising work.
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We check our phones while they're speaking.
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We don't especially want to hear how their day went.
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There's a popular surface explanation for this kind of emotional frost.
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That people naturally get bored of one another in the same
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way as they get bored with everything else – the gadget that once seemed so amazing, the film they used to love.
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Going cold is, in this story, simply the unavoidable consequence of familiarity.
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But there's another explanation, darker at first, but in the end more hopeful.
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The loss of interest isn't either natural or inevitable.
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The boredom is something at once more complicated and more active.
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It exists because we feel hurt by,
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angry with or scared of our partner and because we haven't found a cathartic way to tell ourselves or them about it.
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Tuning out isn't inevitable, it's a symptom of disavowed emotional distress.
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It's a way of coping.
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We're internally numbed, not just a touch board.
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This can sound strange.
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After all, we might have no active sense that our partner has been hurting, angering or frightening us.
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The idea appears laughable or extreme.
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It makes our partner sound like monsters or ourselves like weaklings, neither of which is true.
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But the self that loves within a relationship is not the normal adult self we know from other zones of our lives.
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We may mostly be hugely resourceful and resilient, but the person who loves is an infinitely more vulnerable being.
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We should imagine it like a smaller, younger, more defenseless version of ourselves that lives in our heads
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and is no tougher and not much wiser than we were as babies,
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which is when so many of our needs for and ideas about love were formed.
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It's this vulnerable self that continues to direct our hearts, even if we're six foot two with a pointy beard.
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The loving self has a gossamer -thin ego.
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It gets hurt, frightened and upset with desperate ease.
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You could deeply distress it by interrupting it during a story it's telling you about the sandwich it had for lunch,
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by not asking it enough about the little spot it got on its arm yesterday, by preferring a book to cuddling,
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or being a bit tricky about what channel it should watch on TV.
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Of course, these are, by ordinary adult standards, tiny slights.
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But we don't love by adult standards.
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These small arrows are enough to wound the self that loves to its tender emotional core.
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Ideally, of course, the small self would at once point out what's happened.
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It would carefully explain that it had been frustrated and hurt.
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Its voice would be measured, undefensive, and charming.
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But mostly, it just stays silent.
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That's forgivable.
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It doesn't properly understand what's wrong.
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It just knows it's in pain and is driven by an instinct to withdraw and protect itself, which translates into behavior that looks pretty cold.
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If the adult self had to give voice to the loving self's upset, it could sound and feel absurd, which is partly why it doesn't.
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There can be something especially humiliating in having to say, I don't feel you took enough interest in the details of my lunch break,
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or I'm 45 years old but not capable of sharing a TV remote control.
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These truly are small issues for an adult to dwell on,
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but the parts of us that make themselves vulnerable in love don't obey the ordinary adult rules.
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The consequence is that the loving self dries up.
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It doesn't want to have sex.
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It gets sarcastic and irritable.
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But it doesn't even know why it's like this.
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It isn't putting on an act.
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It's confused.
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To learn to cope, we need a prominent mutual awareness
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and forgiveness of this dynamic of sensitivity and distress and a commitment to decode it when disengagement and indifference descend.
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We have to create a forum in which so -called minor love -sapping hurts can safely be aired,
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without the other dismissing, as they always so easily can, the issues at stake as childish or imagined.
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The touchiness of the loving self is ridiculous, if judged by the more robust standards of the rest of life.
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But this is not the rest of life.
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When we've gone cold, we may not truly have lost interest in our partners we might just need an opportunity to imagine
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that we are quietly really rather hurt and furious with them.
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And we should have access to a safe forum in which our tender but critical feelings can be aired, purged and understood without risk of humiliation.
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Thank you.
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Vocabulaire et conseils d’expression pour cette leçon
Cette leçon d’expression orale s’appuie sur la vidéo « Why We Go Cold On Our Partners ». Les mots qui reviennent le plus souvent : self, adult, hurt, loving, partner. Cette vidéo contient 28 phrases et 792 mots à répéter en shadowing. La partie parlée dure 4:56. Le locuteur parle à un rythme naturel d’environ 161 mots par minute, proche d’une conversation courante. Seuls 80 % des mots font partie des 3 000 mots les plus courants en anglais, le vocabulaire est donc exigeant.
Vocabulaire clé de cette vidéo
15 mots de la vidéo à retenir, avec leur prononciation et leur sens :
| Mot | Prononciation | Sens |
|---|---|---|
| vulnerable adjectif | /ˈvʌln(ə)ɹəbl̩/ | vulnérable |
| distress nom | /dɪˈstɹɛs/ | détresse |
| bore verbe | /boɹ/ | ennuyer, barber |
| explanation nom | /ˌɛkspləˈneɪʃən/ | explication |
| ordinary adjectif | /ˈɔɹdɪnɛɹi/ | ordinaire |
| forum nom | /ˈfɔːɹəm/ | forum |
| tender adjectif | /ˈtɛn.dɚ/ | tendre, sensible |
| inevitable adjectif | /ɪˈnɛvɪtəbəl/ | inévitable |
| consequence nom | /ˈkɑn.sɪ.kwəns/ | conséquence |
| naturally adverbe | /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/ | naturellement |
| complicated adjectif | /ˈkɑm.plɪˌkeɪ.tɪd/ | compliqué, alambiqué |
| confused adjectif | /kənˈfjuːzd/ | désorienté, perdu |
| thin adjectif | /ˈθɪn/ | mince |
| carefully adverbe | /ˈkɛɹf(ə)li/ | soigneusement |
| ridiculous adjectif | /ɹɪˈdɪk.jə.ləs/ | ridicule |
Les verbes à particule que vous entendrez
| Mot | Sens |
|---|---|
| point out verbe | pointer |
La grammaire de cette vidéo
Les structures que le locuteur utilise le plus, avec les mots exacts de la vidéo :
| Structure | Dans la vidéo |
|---|---|
| Voix passive be + participe passé — l’accent est mis sur ce qui arrive, pas sur qui le fait | were formed · had been frustrated · would be measured |
| Present perfect have/has + participe passé — une action passée qui compte encore maintenant | haven't found · we've gone |
| Propositions relatives who / which + proposition — une précision sur une personne ou une chose | person who loves · absurd, which is |
Prononciation à surveiller
Le locuteur utilise 18 contractions et formes réduites, comme doesn't, don't, isn't. Prononcez-les sous leur forme courte, telles que vous les entendez.
- Les sons « th »: thin /ˈθɪn/, withdraw /wɪðˈdɹɔ/
- Les sons « sh » et « zh »: explanation /ˌɛkspləˈneɪʃən/, affection /əˈfɛk.ʃən/, childish /ˈt͡ʃaɪldɪʃ/, humiliation /hjuːˌmɪliˈeɪʃən/
- Mots longs — placez bien l’accent: explanation /ˌɛkspləˈneɪʃən/, ordinary /ˈɔɹdɪnɛɹi/, inevitable /ɪˈnɛvɪtəbəl/, naturally /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/, complicated /ˈkɑm.plɪˌkeɪ.tɪd/
Les sons difficiles pour les francophones :
- /h/ — il se souffle, il n’est pas muet: hopeful /ˈhoʊpfl̩/, hugely /ˈhjuːd͡ʒli/, humiliation /hjuːˌmɪliˈeɪʃən/, humiliate /hjuːˈmɪliˌeɪt/
- /tʃ/ et /dʒ/ — à ne pas adoucir en « ch » et « j »: naturally /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/, mutual /ˈmjuːt͡ʃuəl/, sandwich /ˈsæn(d).wɪd͡ʒ/, charm /t͡ʃɑɹm/, childish /ˈt͡ʃaɪldɪʃ/
- /r/ anglais — langue recourbée, sans frotter la gorge: vulnerable /ˈvʌln(ə)ɹəbl̩/, distress /dɪˈstɹɛs/, bore /boɹ/, ordinary /ˈɔɹdɪnɛɹi/, forum /ˈfɔːɹəm/
Comment s’entraîner avec cette vidéo
- Écoutez la vidéo en entier une fois sans parler et notez les mots que vous ne connaissez pas.
- Commencez à la vitesse 0,75×, répétez phrase par phrase, puis revenez à la vitesse normale quand cela devient facile.
- Enregistrez-vous et comparez avec l’original, en faisant attention à des mots comme vulnerable, distress, bore.
Qu'est-ce que la technique du Shadowing ?
Le Shadowing est une technique d'apprentissage des langues fondée sur la science, développée à l'origine pour la formation des interprètes professionnels. Le principe est simple mais puissant : vous écoutez de l'anglais natif et le répétez immédiatement à voix haute — comme une ombre suivant le locuteur avec un décalage de 1 à 2 secondes. Les recherches montrent une amélioration significative de la précision de la prononciation, de l'intonation, du rythme, des liaisons, de la compréhension orale et de la fluidité.