Pratique du Shadowing: Why We Should Refuse to Get Into Arguments - Apprendre l'anglais à l'oral avec la vidéo
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However deep our theoretical commitment to serenity, in the course of an average day,
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we're likely to encounter a number of extremely well-crafted invitations to lose our tempers badly.
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Our partner will press a well-flagged nuclear button related, let's imagine, to their views on our mother or our career choice.
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At work, a colleague may deliberately not answer a very simple question to which we so urgently need an answer.
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A shop attendant may give us a bored, insolent shrug.
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Someone in the supermarket may falsely accuse us of standing in the wrong line.
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What we're apt to miss at such moments of blatant provocation, as we get swallowed up in fears of humiliation,
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illogicality and injustice, is just how much many people enjoy having arguments – indeed,
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crave them – in order to re-find their equilibrium and appease their psychic discomforts.
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We're tricked into imagining that there may be genuine issues that require a wholehearted engagement,
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but we thereby lose sight of the true psychological motivations at play.
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A person is trying to get us into a fight not because they have a sincere complaint against us,
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but because they're feeling overwhelmed by the intensity of their own aggression,
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which they hope to placate by spoiling a portion of our lives.
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By goading us into a battle, they're looking for a way to evacuate their fury into us, to use us as a receptacle for their emotional waste,
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to employ a skirmish with us to distract themselves from their own intractable conflicts and muted sorrows,
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to seduce us into joining them in their sadness and entanglements so that they might feel less alone and less bereft.
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We should resist such enthusiastic
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and subtly crafted invitations by recognizing them for what they are
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– attempts by the other party to rescue themselves from unbearable feelings.
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We might, if we are exceptionally generous, pity them for their despair.
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we don't in any way need to join them in their gladiatorial quests.
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What may at times provoke us to a particular pitch of
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excitement is a puzzlement as to why others are behaving as they are.
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Why on earth we wander in a strangled way?
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Have they once again mentioned something we implored them to leave alone?
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Why are they being almost deliberately slow or rude or surly?
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Why is someone who should be kind and thoughtful suddenly so offhand and cruel.
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There aren't any good reasons for this discord.
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It's just that our interlocutor is in a very bad way and has concluded,
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not incorrectly alas, that they may well feel significantly better once we've started to raise our voice,
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redden and call them horrible names we'll later regret with intensity.
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We should work out the clever game and refuse to play any further rounds of it, whether the invitee is our spouse,
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stranger, our child or colleague.
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We're not being kind by leaving them to it.
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We're not being pacific or eerily grown up.
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It's just there is so much else that needs our attention.
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We have to hold on to our thoughts, repair our wounds, appease our turmoils and discover our own roots to happiness.
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We must sidestep the many dragnets because we have so many other, truly more important things to do.
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À propos de cette leçon
Vous vous entraînez en anglais avec "Why We Should Refuse to Get Into Arguments" en utilisant la technique du Shadowing.
Qu'est-ce que la technique du Shadowing ?
Le Shadowing est une technique d'apprentissage des langues fondée sur la science, développée à l'origine pour la formation des interprètes professionnels. Le principe est simple mais puissant : vous écoutez de l'anglais natif et le répétez immédiatement à voix haute — comme une ombre suivant le locuteur avec un décalage de 1 à 2 secondes. Les recherches montrent une amélioration significative de la précision de la prononciation, de l'intonation, du rythme, des liaisons, de la compréhension orale et de la fluidité.